It's not about Religion, not sure what it's about

geminisag511

New member
So, I have watched that "show" about the (really cool, I have to say) Polygamous (specifically, 1 man, 4 wives, 17 kids-whew!) with my husband and we are both quite curious, and trepidatious as we have sort of jokingly discussed the possibility. So, I know it isn't about Religion, because the Religious types seem to have as many hang-ups about the sex part of the whole thing as any other religious folks. I, personally, am a bi-sexual woman who would be devastated if we brought on another "wife" and I was left out of the sexual relationship. The weird thing is that it isn't the sex itself, it is that the sex may lead to an emotional relationship and I don't know that I would be entirely comfortable sharing my husband in that way. But, selfishly, I really want an actual relationship with another woman. So, I want to be in a loving relationship with my husband, and a loving relationship with another wife, but I am uncomfortable with them having a relationship with each other. Wow, epiphany- I am actually pretty insecure, who knew?
 
I don't have much to add since I'm new here and also figuring my self and situation out, but I wanted to welcome you to the group.
 
Yeah, I watched that show, too.

Why did the presenter never ask the man - "is it ok for the women to date other men"?

If not, polygamy just seems grossly unfair and abusive to me....
 
At one point in an interview they did ask. The women answered saying that it would be 'gross' to date more than one man.

Yeah personally I had issues with that show because of the blatant hypocricy.
 
Ok, my bad.
I was probably not paying too much attention, as I had already by that stage determined that they were living as just another religious cult thats abusive towards women, and therefore I wasnt all that interested!
 
Yeah I saw it in an interview while the show was new, so I knew there was no way I was watching it. I just don't get the whole, "poly for me" mentality. Both of my partners are mono but if they wanted to date other people I'd be okay, or get okay with it! I wouldn't prescribe that it's 'wrong' for them to. it's OPP taken to the nth level. :p
 
GeminiSag,
your last question mark welcome comments in?!

The weird thing is that it isn't the sex itself, it is that the sex may lead to an emotional relationship
it depends on what you "base on" for building up or not.

. But, selfishly, I really want an actual relationship with another woman.
this you're ALLOWED :)


I, personally, am a bi-sexual woman who would be devastated if we brought on another "wife" and I was left out of the sexual relationship.
I don't know that I would be entirely comfortable sharing my husband in that way.
So, I want to be in a loving relationship with my husband, and a loving relationship with another wife, but I am uncomfortable with them having a relationship with each other.
this really smells of Middle-Ages :( that is the period in which the System decided how to brainwash "people" to reach a good control on "us": ruling our own sexuality and Love; we got used to it in our "mental form" or cast of mind.
Eros and Pornos are different indeed.
ego mind and paleo mind are different, even more than.

Wow, epiphany- I am actually pretty insecure, who knew?


do what you Like.
and breath.

hugs :)
 
Not gonna lie... I LOVE this show. During one episode, husband and first wife go out (anniversary, I think) and SHE asks how he would feel if she dated another man. Not in a context that was showing she wanted to, just to put perspective on the emotions she was working through with him 'courting' another wife. The only way to describe the look on his face at the thought was disgusted.
 
Hmm...thanks. I like the reference to Latin, always a facinating study...how many ways can we say "love". And, I agree, the selfish part is allowed, and I do thank you for the reminder to "breathe" and that as co-creators of our experiences, I can just allow, and "be". The whole "if you love something(one), set it free..." Needed that. I am here to experience joy and not decide for someone else. Thanks again.
 
I saw that episode. You are right-don't think he'd ever considered it. I wouldn't call him hypocritical, just maybe a little closed-minded...interesting
 
I like the reference to Latin,
:confused: you mean "love and do what you like?" yes, Agostino recommended it. anyway other flourishing characters supported it, like A.Crowley and A.LaVey for instance; forcing someone to go other direction than one's own genuine Will, always brings up depression.

and I do thank you for the reminder to "breathe" and that as co-creators of our experiences, I can just allow, and "be".

I am here to experience joy and not decide for someone else.

it's very sweet feeling you very much more relaxed ;) :)
 
I, personally, am a bi-sexual woman who would be devastated if we brought on another "wife" and I was left out of the sexual relationship. The weird thing is that it isn't the sex itself, it is that the sex may lead to an emotional relationship and I don't know that I would be entirely comfortable sharing my husband in that way. But, selfishly, I really want an actual relationship with another woman. So, I want to be in a loving relationship with my husband, and a loving relationship with another wife, but I am uncomfortable with them having a relationship with each other. Wow, epiphany- I am actually pretty insecure, who knew?

Hi geminisag,

I told both my boyfriends (when we were starting our monogamous relationships): 'I don't share.' When I found First bf having tea with another woman, whom I hadn't met and hadn't been told about, I broke up with him.

It was a little harsh on me, when I realized I wanted them both (well, okay, not realized that I wanted them; but realized it was a possibility that I might *have* both of them), and I realized I still didn't want to share.

I had to say to Current bf, 'it feels a bit rude to ask you to share me, and say that I don't wish to share you.' He was full of reassurance about why that was fine, and I do believe him. They are deeply good friends, and that is a lot of why it's okay with them.

We have been an emotional triad for about 7 years ~ though we didn't call it that. Now we have a sexual 'vee', with me at the hinge.

So when you say relationship, do you mean you don't want them to talk to each other? Or that you don't want them to have sex with each other?

Truthfully, when I got here, the lovely dingedheart pushed me on why I wouldn't share, and wasn't that unfair to them. I realized that if they came to me with a joy and passion for someone else, I could find a way to go there. Because I love them both so very, very much, and I want them to be happy. It's in my best interest for them to be happy.

It's not at all selfish to want what you want. How you go about getting it or giving it can be measured against 'selfish'. But wanting is just a feeling.
 
Hi geminisag,
Truthfully, when I got here, the lovely dingedheart pushed me on why I wouldn't share, and wasn't that unfair to them. I realized that if they came to me with a joy and passion for someone else, I could find a way to go there. Because I love them both so very, very much, and I want them to be happy. It's in my best interest for them to be happy.

It's not at all selfish to want what you want. How you go about getting it or giving it can be measured against 'selfish'. But wanting is just a feeling.

I know this was not to me or for me, but it resonates very deeply with me. It is a struggle for me to define what it is that I want without needing to label the wanting itself as "selfish". I love the idea that how I go about creating what I want can be selfish or not while the wanting of it can remain unjudged by me. I currently have three lovers that share me while I do not share any of them.....

greedy? selfish? maybe..

But I also recognise that I am moving forward more and more into the idea that as I experience more love from my partners, I have more love to give to my partners. Might that also be true for them...if they experience moe love, might they have more to share with me???

This poly walk is hard and scary but far more rewarding than I ever imagined. And I feel so incredibbly blessed to be sharing the journey with such patient and loving souls.

Thanks for the food for thought!
 
I know this was not to me or for me, but it resonates very deeply with me. It is a struggle for me to define what it is that I want without needing to label the wanting itself as "selfish". I love the idea that how I go about creating what I want can be selfish or not while the wanting of it can remain unjudged by me. I currently have three lovers that share me while I do not share any of them.....

greedy? selfish? maybe..


But I also recognise that I am moving forward more and more into the idea that as I experience more love from my partners, I have more love to give to my partners. Might that also be true for them...if they experience moe love, might they have more to share with me???

This poly walk is hard and scary but far more rewarding than I ever imagined. And I feel so incredibbly blessed to be sharing the journey with such patient and loving souls.

Thanks for the food for thought!

IF they are seeing you exclusively (while knowing about each other) and are CHOOSING to not seek other relationships, then you are not being greedy or selfish...

If they WANT to pursue other relationships but are not because you have forbidden it, either expressly or by actions/reactions, then yes, you are being very selfish and manipulative even, and not really acting according to the spirit of polyamory.

Just my two cents...:)
 
Back
Top