Poly versus Sluttiness

In our case, a one-night stand can be and is VERY "poly", becuase it has positive emotional implications for us as a couple regardless of the what went on with the 3rd party. If it becomes more than "just a fuck", then the "poly-ness" extends to the 3rd party I guess, lol - THEY aare now engaged in a poly-style relation on some level to be determined in time.
IMO, that's like saying "I'm a vegetarian, but I eat chicken."

If you start defining the words the way YOU want them to mean, rather than the way the majority of the community accepts them to mean, then the words become meaningless.

You can say that a one-night-stand is poly, but it's not.
You can say that the person you had the one-night-stand with is poly, but he or she is not.

All you're really doing by applying the word "poly" to something that isn't, is placing your own moral judgements on the words involved and making it more confusing for those who don't understand the difference.
 
All you're really doing by applying the word "poly" to something that isn't, is placing your own moral judgements on the words involved and making it more confusing for those who don't understand the difference.

Right. Although polyamory is a form of non-monogamy, all non-monogamy is not polyamory. Saying "poly" when one means "non-monogamy" only confuses matters.
 
I think this discussio in the thread is proof that this 'majority' of yours isn't quite so settled on this rigid definition of yours. :shrug:

I'm with you guys BTW, look at the *how many now* other threds about this very topic. I DO believe in preserving the difference of the term and it's conotations. I just don't see this big majority agreement on the definition that you do.
 
If you tell me you're poly, I'm not going to assume that you're open for casual sex or swing. If you tell me you have an open relationship, I'm not going to assume you're poly or that you swing. If you tell me you swing, I'm not going to assume it's an open relationship or that you're poly. You tell me you're poly and I assume that you engage in more than one romantic relationship at a time--that's it.

oh man thanks seventhcrow. as simple as this is i finally understand a helluva lot better ^^
 
i don't know how we could measure what the majority people who identify as poly would define as poly, and anyway i don't support majority-based decision-making. i work through concensus.

clearly there is no concensus about what poly means so we may have to accept that polyamorous people are diverse in their thoughts and practises.
 
Thread hijack

I guess the part I find annoying and frustrating is this...


MANY words in our language have been used (and abused) to the point that even reasonably intelligent people can't COMMUNICATE with one another using them, without first going over definitions. Something that requires a LOT of time to lay out a "language" before they can even have a productive conversation together.

Part of the reason this happens is because people choose to define words as they want to.

I don't give a damn about "majority" or "concensus".


What I do care about is that "poly" HAS A DEFINITION that has been accepted for YEARS AND YEARS (fucking comes from WHAT language before English ye educated ones?)

AS DOES "amory"... Again-a word with a definition from a language prior to English.


When one takes a term that ALREADY has an accepted and understood definition (or two) and create a new compound word-it is unreasonable to decide that you will redefine one or both of the base words in the compound word in order to create a NEW definition for the word you are creating.
This is a blatant abuse of the language and is one of the primary causes of miscommunication between people...

IN the "polyamory" world, it is said that communication is one of the MOST important things for us to focus on....

So why would ANYONE who wants to claim to be polyamorous ALSO want to intentionally make themselves part of a movement that CAUSES miscommunication???

Feel free to either consider that question rhetorical-or start a thread on the topic.


Please resume your normal broadcasting now....
 
MANY words in our language have been used (and abused) to the point that even reasonably intelligent people can't COMMUNICATE with one another using them, without first going over definitions. Something that requires a LOT of time to lay out a "language" before they can even have a productive conversation together.

Part of the reason this happens is because people choose to define words as they want to.
[....]
So why would ANYONE who wants to claim to be polyamorous ALSO want to intentionally make themselves part of a movement that CAUSES miscommunication???
Amen to the whole freakin' post! :D

Words are important. Language evolves over time, yes. But there is a difference between language evolving and someone taking a word with an already established definition and saying "I've decided that I think it means X, not Y."

As I said before, it's like telling people that you're vegetarian, but you eat chicken and expecting everyone to accept that YOU define vegetarian as someone who eats chicken simply because you don't want to be tied into the "majority" definition of vegetarian.
 
Amen to the whole freakin' post! :D

Words are important. Language evolves over time, yes. But there is a difference between language evolving and someone taking a word with an already established definition and saying "I've decided that I think it means X, not Y."

As I said before, it's like telling people that you're vegetarian, but you eat chicken and expecting everyone to accept that YOU define vegetarian as someone who eats chicken simply because you don't want to be tied into the "majority" definition of vegetarian.

Wouldn't that actually fit under flexitarian?

I myself have been primarily a pescatarian (but no eggs/dairy) and working towards vegetarian with a goal of then going vegan to "primarily raw foods".

But yeah-It would be ridiculous for me to say I'm a vegan! :D ;)
 
See, YGirl and Dakid and I (so far in this thread, lol) would agree - "many loves" works and is accurate.

People have different definations of "love".

Several people here are insisting that "many loves" applies only to a specific definition of love.

Further, some here are saying that certain behavior falls under the umbrella as it applies to their respective poly relationships, and are being told they are "wrong"; which truly amazes me to be honest. There's a pretty substantial amount of SOMETHING I don't like present in that kind of judgment.

:shrug:
 
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Several people here are insisting that "many loves" applies only to a specific definition of love.

Further, some here are saying that certain behavior falls under the umbrella as it applies to their respective poly relationships, and are being told they are "wrong"; which truly amazes me to be honest. There's a pretty substantial amount of SOMETHING I don't like present in that kind of judgment.
I don't think anyone is being told that they have to define "love" a certain way.

But I'll go back to my analogy above: If you tell people you're vegetarian, but you eat fish and chicken, then you're not vegetarian. And you can say "that's how *I* define vegetarian" all you want, but it still doesn't make you right.

Eating meat isn't wrong. Being a vegetarian isn't wrong. But you can't claim to be one and do the other and expect people to say "ok".

No one is being told their relationships are wrong, but they are being told that saying a relationship is a poly relationship, doesn't necessarily make it one. That's not passing judgment on anyone's relationships. It's asking for clarity in communication and clear definition of terms.
 
Everyone seemed to agree that our relationship with Anne was "poly". It ended disasterously, but it was, aparently, satisfactory as a "poly" relationship.

Then I say that when Violet allows me my "playmates" or we have a fuckbuddy, we consider it "poly" - becuse of how it effects OUR relationship, regardless of the formal situation with any of the given partners, be they a formal triad with Anne, or some girl from work who booty calls me after clearing with Violet that our arrangement is in fact as she understands it, or something else. And I'm argued with.
 
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