Missing Normal...Struggling, Loving and Learning

You rock on many levels, mono. Through posts like this, your quest helps to give mine meaning. As much as one straight man can love another straight man he's never met, i love you. Keep fighting the good fight of self discovery and sharing what you learn. Your community needs you.
Catfish
 
I'll be taking a break from active participation on the forums for a while. I got caught up in recent negativity and let it seep into my relationship. I'm focusing on what is real and what I have....a wonderful poly relationship with an incredible woman and her family. I'll be lurking for sure and keeping in touch through Redpepper.

Hope everyone figures out what they want and achieves that...I have; and if a mono vanilla cracker can achieve success in a poly world, there's hope for all of us :)

Peace and Love
Mono
 
Good bye Mono.

Bye baby, I feel very lucky that we are able to find community of our own in our own city. I'm also feel very glad that I kept our anonymity on these forums as I see now what it was worth.

I weep when I write as I am heartbroken that your presence on here is not valued as much as I think it should be. Know wonder other mono people don't want to come on here, it means working very hard and I admire you for working so hard all these months.

I admire you, respect you, value you and cherish our time together. That is all that matters.

To the rest of you that have chosen to put your need to be right before the feelings of others, I wish you the best in your relationships and hope you find what you are looking for.
 
I'll be taking a break from active participation on the forums for a while. I got caught up in recent negativity and let it seep into my relationship. I'm focusing on what is real and what I have....a wonderful poly relationship with an incredible woman and her family. I'll be lurking for sure and keeping in touch through Redpepper.

Hope everyone figures out what they want and achieves that...I have; and if a mono vanilla cracker can achieve success in a poly world, there's hope for all of us :)

Peace and Love
Mono

:eek: WHAT!? Mono, say it isn't so! You're one the voices of sanity here on the boards! I count on you, Dude!

*pulling it together* Okay, if you need to back away for a while, I can respect that. But I want you to know I am going to miss you like crazy. And I am sending copious quanitities of good vibes your way. Right now. Are you feeling them? Because I am sending them.

Go in peace, BrotherMan, and return when you're ready knowing you are wanted and loved. :eek:
 
Thanks Fidelia, that is just what Mono needs to hear right now and I am grateful that you appreciate him and his insight. We are all so far from perfect, but it is so important to spread love, patience and understanding to one another when we struggle (and always).

Hugs to you, I am not going anywhere as I still feel I have something to say.

I have a better understanding of the importance of leaving people alone when they are done with a topic and feel cornered. I have a better understanding when I take this space too seriously that I need to take a break and I have a better understanding of some of the people in my community that chose to be reclusive and stay off line and just live.... at some point I can see that we will all do that as a this forum and the whole on-line deal is not based on reality and everything just keeps coming around anyway. Mono feels he has given his two cents and I almost have now too I think. I know others that have left already feel that way and eventually it's best just to leave....
 
Mono,

I hope you read this or Redpepper lets you know what I've said. While I don't post much, I read the forums every day. My journey into polyamory is new and your voice in it has been very important, because in many ways, you are just like my husband. He's mono and probably always will be. He's rather vanilla in the grand scheme of things, as well. I believed that he could love me for who I am because you love Redpepper. Silly, I know, but it gave me the courage to start talking and keep talking my husband about polyamory.

In a very real way, I do believe you (and this forum) saved my marriage, as the road we were on could have only led to pain and sorrow. I understand why you are stepping back, at least I think I do, but we will be all the poorer for it. I wish you all the best luck wherever your path may take you.
 
Hey wait a minute. Mono, you encouraged me to stay on this board. *pout*
 
Mono is reading here still as it is a public forum, but I will pass anything on to him that needs PMing. He took his profile off of here, so you will have to go through me. :) If you are okay with that...

Thanks for your support. Perhaps it will show him that he is needed and that people actually do love him just for who he is not for what they want him to be. I too have learned so much from all of you and so has Mono, we have all given to each other. It's so incredible to recognize that and tell each other these things. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to do that from here on in... I don't want to clutter up Mono's thread with my words so I will stay quiet from here on in... just had to add the above. :eek:
 
Mono, I'm still sending good vibes your way. In copious quanitities. :eek: I hope your getting them.

Love you, BrotherMan.
 
Take this as you will my friend,

Normalcy is whatever you define it to be in your head, and nobody can take it away from you. Comfort is found not in a place that makes you feel safe but in a place that keeps you sane and makes you angry and sad and wondering "What the fuck?". Comfort is a little kid shaking a snowglobe and all the little artificial snowflakes are emotions. They flutter around and look beautiful, a place that makes you feel 'safe' simply eases your troubles and takes away your cares.

However cares are what keep you alive. You think a soldier fighting for the people he/she loves and for people who dont share the freedom his/her loved ones share, feels safe in combat? No but he/she feels comfort knowing that what he/she is doing is going to help someone. To others, the battlefeild might not seem "normal" but to him/her it is normal. Its just another day in the office.

Theres alot of things you can question until your eyes pop out of your skull but that doesnt mean youll find all the answers you want. Be happy with what you have, you have a womam that sees you as her world, you have people who care about you. Your a lucky man..

Thats just my personal opinion. Not a flame, or an order. Not pushing anything. Just stating what I think.
 
Mono,

Keep the wind in your face and ride till you feel right with it all.Sending our love from AK. You need anything or just want to chat RP has my Facebook.
You still owe me a place to ride my bike in the winter:)



Peace and Love
Maca
 
hey berserker, that was very well thought out and very poignant. thank you. It meant a lot to me that you say this at this time and on this part of our journey. Very perceptive and I thank you for taking the time to tell us what you think... I appreciate hearing your voice.
 
hey berserker, that was very well thought out and very poignant. thank you. It meant a lot to me that you say this at this time and on this part of our journey. Very perceptive and I thank you for taking the time to tell us what you think... I appreciate hearing your voice.

Well im always here when you or mono need me. Or anyone for that matter..
 
Thats just my personal opinion. Not a flame, or an order. Not pushing anything. Just stating what I think.

Wow Berserker! Great to hear from you. Did you join the army recently? Thanks for the advice. Don't worry about giving me orders...20 years in the military has conditioned me to take them :0 Take care and if you did in fact sign up...stay safe!
Remember..the greatest motivation in battle is not fighting what you are going to lose..it's fighting for what the people who love you will lose.

Mono
 
Mono,

Keep the wind in your face and ride till you feel right with it all.Sending our love from AK. You need anything or just want to chat RP has my Facebook.
You still owe me a place to ride my bike in the winter:)



Peace and Love
Maca

Get down here, Brother! The sun is out and the roads are dry...the air is crisp and freeing. That is a ride I look forward to no matter what time a year my friend :)

Take care
Peace and Love right back at you
 
Wow Berserker! Great to hear from you. Did you join the army recently? Thanks for the advice. Don't worry about giving me orders...20 years in the military has conditioned me to take them :0 Take care and if you did in fact sign up...stay safe!
Remember..the greatest motivation in battle is not fighting what you are going to lose..it's fighting for what the people who love you will lose.

Mono

Thats the whole reason im joining. My recruiter missed our appointment and never called back so idk what im gonna do. Maybe just go down there. I hope your doing better, my friend.
 
I have been struggling a lot lately in regards to missing "normalcy" in how it used to be defined for me. Although I was never fully connected to the people in my old social community it was comfortable, stable, and understood. It was also what most of the people around me were doing and I'm totally ok with not questioning or going against the flow.


I have felt some resentment in being pulled into another community through my relationship with Redpepper.

Poly, sex positive, kink, BDSM, even activism, socialism, vegetarianism, and passionate environmentalism are all different to me in a community sense and yet they are a part of my life now. I am learning and finding enjoyment in some of these new areas but the sheer pressure of this feels like a tidal wave sometimes.


Love is not enough for me to be healthy. I have to be comfortable with the new social direction my life has taken. I don't see how I can separate myself from the community the woman I love embraces and wants; if it remains unknown than it remains a threat. I've played that out in my head and it would be "the beginning of the end" for me. It would be like living a separate life or having a casual relationship that is not acceptable for me. I am either romantically in or out. I can be friend or full blown Love, but nothing in between; there are no half measures with Redpepper.

So I struggle. I'm forcing myself to let go of an old community that I never really belonged to. I'm pushing myself to embrace the community the woman I love enjoys and am making headway for sure. I have a long way to go in coming to terms with this area of inner conflict but I get so much support from Redpepper and her husband.

The love I have for Redpepper is immense and has made me work harder than in any other relationship because the issues span a broad spectrum. Dealing with the mono-poly thing is just the tip of the iceberg in our relationship. We have taken a dive off a cliff and the waters are a lot deeper than they look….I just need to avoid drowning.

Peace and Love
Mono

Just wow. Articulate the struggle is more than what you did. I feel it man, and I am the poly one. Not sure how you are feeling now since I haven't been on here regularly but you nailed the overarching problem we all face in the mono-poly "border state." Even as a poly, I struggle with the anti-traditional or counter-to-everything-I-ever-knew way of living. Thanks Mon. As always I appreciate you.
 
Back
Top