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Old 11-02-2009, 05:44 AM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350

OOh Ooh! My kind of thread!

Hands down, bar none, my favorite form of communication is Non-Violent Communication, (NVC).

The basic idea is that there are giraffes and jackals.

Our conventional, "you" language, "violent" communication is done with "jackal" ears on. Jackal language includes criticism, blaming, taking things personally...

Giraffes have huge hearts, so it is used to represent the kind of language that comes from our hearts; compassionate, responsible. The basic form of giraffe listening is to hear the needs and feelings behind what people are saying.

Pardon me if I use a relevant, possibly heated example. But, I think it's ideal.

I was new once too and I figured it out, and I'm not THAT smart, but I do know how to type keywords into a search engine.
could be heard, in giraffe language as:

Feelings. I hear frustration and impatience.
Needs. It sounds like she is needing a break from educating new people about things like terminology.

In NVC, it would be expressed as an observation, need, feeling, request. So:

Observation Many new people ask questions that have already been answered.
Feeling I'm feeling frustrated because I would prefer not to sift through these questions in order to post on this board.
Need I need a break from answering questions.
Request I would prefer it if more people used the search function before asking questions.

This is very formulaic, but after trying to adopt this kind of language into my life, it's become a lot less so and more natural. I'm still working on having giraffe ears. I still take things personally and forget to hear needs and requests...

There's more to NVC than this, but this is a good start. I love it because it sorts through all the drama and gets to the point. Which unmet needs are causing the conflict here? It removes blame. (You're no longer a selfish person, rather I have need for attention that is not being met). It places the responsibility square on the lap of each person - to recognize and have their own needs met. To hear what's "clear and present" in the ones they love.

Personally, I get warm fuzzy feelings from hearing my lover tell me what s/he is feeling and needing. It is a gift when someone tells you what they're needing. Their requests are opportunities for me to give them a gift. It is one of the most beautiful ways I can give to my lover. My darling, how can I make it easier for you to meet this imporatant need?

Last edited by rolypoly; 11-02-2009 at 05:46 AM.
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