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Old 03-21-2011, 03:35 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by amobrasil View Post
.......But we are both strong-willed so we have not given in, but our patience is wearing thin and we wonder how long we can tolerate the situation. Also, we wonder if our current situation is even suitable for a triad, given such strong opposition and hostility from our parents. They do not accept us now, for merely having an idea. How much worse will it be, then, when we do get into a triad? And since we have yet to experience a triad, we have no idea whether its rewards will justify the costs in the end. We're standing up for a cause, but sometimes it feels like a blind cause.

In any case, we are currently in the process of disengaging and taking a breather... It actually feels kind of nice to slow down after the unpleasant roller coaster ride of the last nine months Thanks for your advice!
Hey Amobrasil,

Glad you took that first post in the spirit it was offered. It's always so easy to misinterpret 'words' - or read between the lines.

I think many people eventually come across something in their lives that they feel passionately about, feel it's a step forward if not for everyone, at least for themselves. And when those things go 'against the grain' we're forced to really sit down and address this cost equation you speak of.
Sometimes the principle is so important we're willing to bear that cost. And when it comes to family, parents etc we get confused. Because there's family you are 'born' to - and family you 'choose (build)'. And whether one is more important than another will vary with the individuals. In an ideal world, we'd get to have both. But we don't live in an ideal world, so sometimes we have to make choices.

As far as the 'gains' of a 'triad' etc, I don't think you can even limit it that way. A triad is only one possible configuration of a poly lovestyle and may well be the most rare to build successfully. So you really have to make these choices with a bit wider philosophical window. It's not about a particular configuration - it's about NON-MONOGAMY ! That's where the challenge comes in. If you can stand up on your stump and state boldly "monogamy is NOT for me" and live with the (often temporary) fallout from that, I personally believe the gains will be significant in the long run for you and everyone you touch.
But yea, you do have to live with the fallout.

Good luck.

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