Thread: I need advice!!
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:59 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Confused,

Well - shall we dig into this some ?

Originally Posted by confusedpoly View Post
My problem is this. When our relationship first started I was happy, it was easy and I loved it. But with every passing day I find it harder and harder to deal with.
What made you "happy". Was it primarily because of the sexual part ?

Originally Posted by confusedpoly View Post
I want to make it clear that I'm not the kind of person who just gives up and runs away when things get tough. It's just that I thought that this was what I wanted and now I know it's not. I realized a few months ago that I hate sharing my husband.
Why did you think you wanted it ? What picture did you have in your mind ?

Has anything changed - except you ? Having a houseful of kids and all that goes with that - and different parents - is somewhat of a balancing act. Is any of that behind your changed feelings ? Is that part of what's becoming "tough" ?

Originally Posted by confusedpoly View Post
I don't know where to go from here. I don't want this but they both do. I refuse to ask, beg or to make him get rid of her. I want him to not want her but he does and that cannot be changed. I can't keep living like this but I don't want to lose my husband.
If we rule out the "family" (mixed) complications, does it possibly come down to the fact that although the 3 way sexual potential seemed exciting, that you were never aware that it could take a leap beyond sex ?

And that now you have to use the same tools and reasoning that you used to overcome sexual jealousy (intimacy) to get past emotional intimacy.

It's really very much the same reasoning and skill set in may ways.
We have to get past personal insecurities.

We have to adopt another understanding that relationships (sexual or emotional) are NOT some form of competition. Everyone can "win" - and should at various points.

We don't "own" anyone other than ourselves ! We have no right to. We WANT to partner with them in their quest for a happy, fulfilled life. And have them partner with us.

So where really is the problem do you think ?

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