Thread: Doubts
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:26 PM
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OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 59

Originally Posted by HotPepper View Post
This is the hardest thing you have to do - deciding whether or not to share this part of yourself with your SO. That you believe yourself to by polyamorous. I have recently gone through a similar decision process. The fear involved with revealing this part of yourself to your loved one (or ones) can be paralyzing.

The worst thing about this is that the decision is open-ended. Once you decide to tell her, there's no going back. But if you don't tell her, the decision still remains open to you forever! That is stressful.

And that constant pressure of having that decision available, means that sooner or later, you'll tell her. And that will relieve the pressure of not only finally being honest with her, but also remove the stress of always facing this ominous decision in your life. (Look - there is a horrible alternative, and that's to be dishonest with her and trying to keep the stress of this perpetually impending decision at bay - good luck with that).

So tell her. Just work out exactly how you feel, go over in your head what you'll say, what beliefs you have, because there is nothing worse then not being completely honest at this point, but you have to do it with compassion.

I would agree with the above. I would like to add, though, that for me, I had to "come out" to someone else first in order to get my thoughts straight. I'm the type that needs to talk thru things in order to get my head straight. Had I told my husband before I got everything sorted, I would have fumbled around & probably given the wrong impression. And in all honesty, this discussion for us has been almost 2 years long. I've posted elsewhere about that (I think, it may have been a PM), so I'm not going to get off-topic here. Or more off topic.

This site has been an amazing resource in that respect. Do your research, find out how you feel, what you want, who you are, and if you can *really* see this as a good & fulfilling life for yourself. If & when you decide to have that conversation with your SO, make sure YOU know what you want/feel/believe/need. Also, again just my 2 cents, have an idea of what you would want as ground rules going forward, if your SO were to agree. Hubbs was very wary until I was able to paint the picture for him. He still had to process & decide on his own, but in the end we came to a very workable compromise.

It's a confusing subject even if you fit into the category, even more so for someone who's never heard of it!

Good luck!
Steph: Wife, Bisexual, 24 year old mom to 1
Patrick: Husband, Straight, 23 year old dad to 1

Currently exploring Poly together, our latest adventure.
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