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Old 07-07-2012, 04:37 PM
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StarTeddy StarTeddy is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 55

Originally Posted by Arrowbound View Post
I really wouldn't dwell on the thought of future children and all that right now.
I wish that was possible...but I'm not a kid anymore (regardless of how I feel), and most people want to have children before they're 30. It's something that they want and that they would expect of me...but I can't take care of a pet, much less a child. There's a very real possibility I may never feel ready to have children. And that's very scary for people that would otherwise expect children within a few years. It could make or break a relationship.

Yes, you being poly does not make you suitable for a lot of people. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with not being suitable for everyone you want to be suitable for. Do you really wanna date them all? You're one person. This need to be desired by whomever... it's not good. It's not good at all.
I know I have problems, and that I need to deal with them. I need to have a healthy relationship with myself before I can have a healthy relationship with another person...but I still feel like I want and need the love and security of a relationship. I feel off-center a vagabond, without a home. Lost. So for me, love is both the poison and the cure...

It's complicated to explain exactly what I a perfect world, I'd like to have a regular married life with multiple people instead of just one. And it would be one happy family. Because married life is what they want and I want to be that for them. I want to be everything to them, play wifey and all those things...I know this is impossible...I have no idea where children fit into this, and it's a logistical nightmare given society's disapproval (nevermind their own objections)....but I feel like that's what my heart wants. But to be honest to myself, I must lie to others...? I can't ever imagine myself lying to people about my relationships.

I know I can't be with everyone that's interested in me...but I don't want to reject them either. I want to be in their lives, and I want to be free to love them, whichever form that love takes. It'd be a whole range of emotions, most falling between friend and lover in that gray zone so unfamiliar to conventional monogamy. And I don't want the people I love to push me aside or force me to break away just because they found someone else.

But is this YOUR life to live, or someone else's?
Yeah, it's my life to live. I feel grateful that I even have the option of choosing what it is I want to do with it. But the way I see it, in order to live a poly life according to my ideals, I'd have to become a sort of martyr, suffering for my honesty and loving without expecting anything in return (because most of the people I'll ever love will reject me). Yeah, it's my life. But I hate that this is how I have to live it.
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