Update
A few things are on my mind.
Alice and I were, first-and-foremost, friends for several years before we dated. We talked about the most intricate of things about our relationships with other people. Now, I find myself extremely interested in the success of her emotional tie in her other relationship. I don't want to know any physical details. (Although part of our original idea was that we could share anything about our other relationships, I just don't need to know that anymore.) But then again, Jim is a friend of mine. I hope I'm not butting in all the time.
Sally's visit last night while Alice was out was really fun. I'm feeling now that I could be okay about it being completely platonic. However, I'm really puzzled about it. Sal came over last night to pick up earrings and she wound up staying over three hours. There was nothing physical, but she gave that, "String me along if this doesn't work out" comment. (Not her exact words, but implied.)
I'm not sure how I feel about her, now that she's waffled on me pretty badly. I'm not condemning her actions, but they were pretty rough on my psyche, and I don't know how I can take future touch-and-go, red-light, green-light experiences with her. She is looking for a mate in a monogamous relationship. While she's told me she doesn't want me to be "Mr. Right Now," she is implying instead, "Mr. Later On," all the while telling me this would really not go anywhere.
To complicate matters, she told me when she turned me down that she was hoping to try to mend her current relationship, which was currently in a bad spot. This is where the stringing-along comment was made. (Something to the extent of, well, if I wasn't dating this guy, I probably would not have turned you down, preceded and followed directly with, I don't know if we're going to work out.)
Now, the guy she's seeing has baaaaaaaaad jealousy issues. Yesterday she told me that she'd be seeing him tonight and they were going to see how things worked out. And at 12:30 she texted me, "So, that's over."
While I've been joking about the "string you along" comment, and maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I'm wondering if she's going to change her mind again about me.
Making matters worse, I am also in a situation that has challenged my patience, and I'm not sure if I'm doing so well with it. I met this amazing woman this weekend, beautiful, intelligent, with a joyous smile. I felt I really hit it off with her. However, there are some complications. She's swamped this week and can't see me for several days, and I can't get her out of my mind.
I haven't dated in a decade, and I especially haven't done it as a married man, so I'm kind of nervous. But I feel like I'm in some sort of a holding pattern. I guess I'm still enjoying the spark of rejuvenation when you meet someone really interesting. But I'm unable to confirm it with her and I don't want to feel like a fool if it is not reciprocated.
I tried texting her today, to start up a conversation, and didn't get a response. But then again, her situation is odd. She's at the end of a waning relationship and is about to be separated. Now that I describe that fear against the situation, it really puts things into perspective and I don't feel so silly about getting my hopes up.
Lastly, getting used to this lifestyle has been a bit taxing. Just writing this down, I feel like I could almost write a book about going through this experience. However, instead I have a looming deadline for a paper that at first I was really impassioned about, but as time has gone on, I'm not as dedicated to anymore. However, I have to finish it. I want to knock it out over the next few days, but I just can't get in the right mindset to do it. (Perhaps I have too much on my mind.)
Fortunately, all of this is a backdrop for the amazing relationship I've got with Alice, that is continuing to grow more amazing day-by-day. Tomorrow we get to sleep in together, and I'm so excited. I hope it rains all morning.