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Old 01-06-2010, 06:33 AM
polynerdist polynerdist is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 13

Many people have commented on their ideal structure(s); in my case I'll put my thoughts more towards the interpersonal dynamics between the people in the relationship(s).

Amongst other things, some aspects that I think would be present in my ideal intimate relationships are:

- positive energy is given without expectation of reciprocation. People give love, time, attention, help, support, and share resources

- there is a desire to understand and know one another, not as we want them to be, but as they truly are

- there is "microscopic honesty" (from "Conscious Loving": honesty beyond disclosure of facts that includes the expression of one's feelings, thoughts, emotions, as an unfiltered stream of consciousness). There is a lack of concealment of one's self

- there is use of a structured process for resolving conflict

- there is a lack of controlling behaviours; wanting each other to have the freedom to be themselves is inherent

- the individuals take 100% responsibility for their own life and for the quality of the relationship(s). They take the perspective that it is not their partners' job to make them happy. Blame and complaining are minimal

- there is straightforward, unambiguous, and effective communication; people express clearly their needs, make specific requests, and avoid hidden "read between the lines" communication

- there is a large degree of flexibility within the relationship to change and adapt based on external forces (the world) and internal forces (from within the relationship). Tendency towards change and evolution rather than stagnation

- there is a continual and conscious process of nurturing the relationship

- there is a high degree of empathy towards one another; everyone exerts a lot of effort to try to understand one another’s ideas, perspectives, and how they see the world

- there is balance between the individuals along different lines, including balancing time together vs. space apart, the balance of sharing of work, etc.

- that everyone shares key fundamental values, and ideas about life, relationships, and the world

- there is sharing of mutual goals, vision, and plans, and everyone works together to realize them

- the individuals are committed to and recognize the need to have fun in the relationship

- the individuals are committed to removing barriers that prevent their ability to be highly emotionally intimate and close

- the individuals are fiercely both independent and interdependent. They live both separate lives and lives intertwined. They recognize the needs of the individual, and attempt to balance that against the needs of the relationship. They are aware of our micro- and macro-cycles of needing closeness/needing independence

- the individuals are totally committed to their own development as separate, independent people. They are also committed to one another's growth; the relationship supports each person's growth as much as possible

- there is a sense of creative co-creation within the relationship; a feeling of synergy

Last edited by polynerdist; 01-10-2010 at 08:17 PM.
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