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Old 04-08-2012, 02:50 PM
PaperGrace PaperGrace is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 75

Iím sorry to hear that Jay did not include you in Easter dinner. That would hurt, particularly when you have already been integrated with his family. Was he worried that a holiday dinner with his family would exacerbate the the tensions between you, he, and Bee? Holidays come with higher expectations of happiness, so pressure to all involved. What were his exact reasons? Whatever they were, to me, it would still feel like a vote of no confidence and a step backwards.

As for your dissatisfaction with of lack of progess, Iím going to second Roryís request that you be more specific. What steps forward would you like to see in your and Jayís relationship? What are your needs that are not being met?

While I do think that a better relationship between you and Bee would make the situation more comfortable for all involved, I get the sense that you feel she is in the way of something. Specifically, what is she keeping you and Jay from doing? Can that be worked out without you and she being good friends? If Jay is making decisions in anticipation of her complaints not in response to actual complaints, thatís not necessarily her being in the way. I canít tell which is controlling here.

I am a secondary without a primary. Itís lead to a general feeling of dissatisfaction for me because, although I love my SO very much, one of my goals in life is to find someone to share day to day companionship with, to wake up next to, to plan a family and a future with. My SO has different goals as his life is full and happy where it is. My picture of the future is not his. This is neither of our faults, it just is. I have to keep in bright focus that my SO not the problem. I have to figure out what compromises I can make and for how long. I also have to not blame myself or scapegoat those around me for my restlessness.

This may not be your experience, but I can identify with your feeling of lack of progress in a relationship. Under the circumstances, some types of progress just aren't possible, but it's helpful to identify them.
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