Is it possible to feel too much

rolypoly

New member
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.

Whenever I write a good song, I think about how I couldn't do this if I were the cerebral, practical type.

When I fall in love, I fall hard. I find it hard to come up for air and need to be alone for a while to find my grounding again. I worry that this amount of emotion is overwhelming for those I love. I wish I had the freedom to feel as strongly as I feel, be very sensitive and tender about it and not frighten others.
 
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.

Whenever I write a good song, I think about how I couldn't do this if I were the cerebral, practical type.

When I fall in love, I fall hard. I find it hard to come up for air and need to be alone for a while to find my grounding again. I worry that this amount of emotion is overwhelming for those I love. I wish I had the freedom to feel as strongly as I feel, be very sensitive and tender about it and not frighten others.

I think you will find someone on here who shares your thoughts Rolypoly ;)
 
Hi Rolypoly!!!

I can be that way-I'm not always. Sometimes I "retreat" somewhere deep inside myself away from everyone.. it's very much a self-defense.
But I grasp what you are saying. I hope you are doing ok!!!
I haven't seen you much recently (or anyone else as I've been very absent!)

;)
 
Thanks you two.

Yes, retreating is definitely a self defense
 
I have asked myself the same questions. I find I hold back most of the time when I have strong emotions. Especially ones of frustration and anger.

I have frightened others with my intensity also.

I don't know what to say to this as I would hate to think that you would be anything less than what you really are, but then I do make myself be less than I really am on occasion.

My husband is the same way as I am. we all are actually. Nerdist is more of a quiet smoldering emotional kind of person, whereas I am more explosive emotion in tidal waves type. He deals with this in public setting differently but we both hide.

I find it hard to be involved with people who keep a stiff upper lip. I have a British family and was raised to practice this even though behind the scenes they were emotionally explosive. I learned this trait well and it certainly is handy on occasion. I love that within the bounds of my relationships I can let that go and just be, let my emotions ride where they will far more.
 
This is something i really relate too. My feelings are very intense and i know can most def be overwhelming for others,
I think sometimes they are overwhelming for montianboy who is more contained than I am. I have to remember that not everyone is like this. With R i think he is as intense as I am which is nice.

I wouldn't change how i am for anyone or anything because I feel alive, I feel everything fully be that pain, sorrow, love or joy. I am type of person that if i feel i need to cry i will cry regardless of where i am because i have never understood the concept of not crying in front of others. Its sad really that we have a culture of hiding feelings.

Jools
 
I can really relate to this. The last time I fell in love, it was hard and fast. I don't think it's necessarily the person, it's just part of who I am. The intense emotions that I experienced during NRE, while lovely, were also difficult to manage. It affected my routines, including my sleep patterns, made concentrating on day-to-day taks difficult, and made it challening to be really present in my relationship with redpepper.

The intensity of my emotions and how they came out was hard on redpepper. Lots of quiet walks helped to ground me again.
 
As opposed to feeling too much, I have a tendency to assume feelings in others too much. While it is good to try to look at things from someone else's perspective, it is damaging when you start second guessing their words. This is one of many areas of weakness for me; one that makes me anxious and hesitant to reaching an even deeper level. This and the thoughts associated with this, are my next big challenge and the defining factor in what is in my future.
 
Hi Roly,

Well, this is an issue I've become pretty sensitive about. Feeling is SO important - and yet so dangerous. It's hard to find the right balance. Acting on emotion is one of the best known examples of how things can turn disastrous unnecessarily.
And yet (you use music as an example), there's areas in life that simply can't be built without a foundation of emotion.
As one who is subject to strong emotions myself I have struggled most of my life - and still do - on methods to keeps those emotions in place when they are not appropriate or counter-productive. Because if not, I can quickly become totally disfunctional, completely absorbed in this wave of emotion like a bottle tossed on the waves.
Of course being 'male', I was in a position to be conditioned by society to shut out such emotions but it wasn't long into my life before I discovered that that was equally counter productive.
Therefore the struggle and desire for balance.
It's been a bit of a soapbox item for me in dealing with the other gender because I feel a need to advocate for that same balance in everyone and I've been witness to the results of the failure of that.
I t seems the whole societal programming (both ways) is missing the target on this. Women are encouraged to embrace their emotions and forgiven when acting impulsively on them. Men are encouraged to lock them away and not acknowledge them at all - at least in action.
Both approaches to me are "broken".
The challenge seems to be in being the "master of" rather than "mastered by". For me - I try to create "space" for those emotions to flow freely in a safe environment. A designated time and place. Until I can get to that space/time, emotions are carefully "filed" with a bow or turn of the head and retrieved and given full attention then. But there are times & circumstances ...............oh dear....

GS
 
Yes, I can relate to this. I'm slow to let others in but when I do, I don't love half-heartedly. Nor do I feel any emotion halfway. And I think I frighten some people in a way.

Tech is like me in that he doesn't let others in easily. Not like me in that he shows emtions much at all. And he doesn't love (or at least show love) in a way I'm used to. Which has been a big hurdle for me. I've thought he doesn't love me. He does. It has taken me a while to "get" that just because it isn't as openly shown or even spoken as I'm used to does not mean it isn't there.

However, my biggest hurdle was realizing he doesn't HAVE to love me the way I want him to. I had to decide if I could accept the way he does love me. Even if it wasn't as much as I love him. Was that something I could live with? Was I going to be able to relate to how he does love me without smothering him and constantly wanting more? Obviously, I've decided that yes I find that possible. Not having him in my life was a worse concept that not being to him what he is to me. I do feel that I'm everything to him that he feels is possible given our situation.

Kitten avoids confrontation with me. I'm told she doesn't know how to handle it. I'm rarely out of control in those regards. I watch myself because I know that I have a temper. Yet, I do hold people accountable and ask "the hard questions". Ones that people do not like to answer. She avoids that.

I hold myself back at times because not everyone is as passionate as I am and they just don't know how to deal with things the way I do.

That's my personality. While I do not consider it a flaw, I do realize it isn't to everyone's liking and try to take that into consideration.
 
This is something I have struggled with in my past relationships. My last partner equated my love / passion to a blow torch. It's accurate too. I don't hold back when I fall for someone. I have trouble articulating sometimes about how I feel and so the vibe when I go inside myself to search is a bit jarring. I've had partners who say it's like they can hear my head vibrating in thought.

I don't think it's possible to feel too much. I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to feel, even when I am in extreme emotional pain. I think to myself "what a gift to love like this".
 
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.

In all things balance; sometimes, sure, it's more appropriate to let something go, but sometimes? Ohhhh, yes, I've got to feel before I can move on. I make sure the people around me know this, so nobody's too baffled by the "mood swings". I mean, I'll also tell people when my moods are indeed swinging, but mostly it's just healthy use of a full range of emotion. We were born feeling, weren't we?

I have had to learn that balance over time; I used to feel so much that it became unhealthy. Everything set me off. I'd fall in unrequited love and it interfered with my ability to function. If you're not functioning as a result of your emotions, maaaaaybe then it's time to get help. That's the only situation where I'd draw that line.
 
Being empathic can be troublesome as much as helpful. I recognize that I am connected to the world. But that is a thought. A rationale. I also feel that connection. I cannot ignore it. It helps me relate to others and it motivates me in being and bringing the change I'd like to see in the world.

It's a double edged sword.

The level of emotional involvement and depth I allow myself to slip into can be detrimental.

I mean it's high times when I am obsessed with something frivolous like LoTR, watching it with friends who were equally crazed about it. Freaking half the crowd out, usually guys, with homo-erotic references to Sam and Frodo (even TBS saw it). There is nothing like being with a group of people who are all into The L Word or Doctor Who.

But then someone may be experiencing a rough time in their lives and I may be drawn in, inexplicably taking on their problem as my own. Their hurt. The closer they are to me the worse it can be. The only thing is that people may react differently to the same stimuli. When we react differently clashes can occur. It took not a small amount of effort and time to shield myself from that sort of experience. Knowing the difference between mine and theirs and stepping back. Knowing when to be an ear and a shoulder and knowing when that cannot be done either. There are those I care deeply for (annoyingly) but I have to keep my distance because there's a weakness in the armor there. There are aspects of their lives I'd rather not be privy too because emotional boundaries get blurry. An example would be in regards to a long time friend and self-destructive tendencies.

My emotions run high and hot. I am slow to trust but once trust is given, I love well. Once betrayed, trust is not given again without a price being paid for damages done.

EDIT: I love passionate people. When there is a match, ardor for ardor, it is amazing. It is like being in a morgue when you're excited about something and everyone else is lukewarm. "Yeah, that's nice." And you're reaction is "Yeah?? That's NICE? Is that all you can say?" Yeah no, those are boooring people.

~Raven~
 
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I don't think it's possible to feel too much. I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to feel, even when I am in extreme emotional pain. I think to myself "what a gift to love like this".

YES! Thank you. Sometimes I just need a reminder that being sensitive, having strong emotions and many of them is a beautiful thing, not a burden.
 
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