Musings

Family Holiday

C and I have been on a camping trip with my very large extended family. We went on holiday to a place where we used to go. When I was growing up, we went to the same campsite every year - we started when I was 7 or 8 and I had my last stay there the summer I was 19 when I was working in the village close to the campsite.

Then none of us went at all for about 20 years until the family children started arriving and my siblings started to remember the fun we'd had as kids and wanted their kids to experience the same thing. And so the family holiday has been resurrected - we started going back a couple of years ago.

I experienced lots of firsts on holidays there - first kiss, first trips out drinking with my friends, first time living on my own, first job. So many good, fun experiences.

And yet - it was a place I couldn't even think about for years. When I lived and worked there, I had several FWBs (although I didn't call them that back then) as well as several FwithoutBs. I spent my free time hanging out in the pub and would often be accompanied back to my home by one or other of my friends. I had no interest in having a boyfriend or going on dates - I was horrified once when I was asked out for dinner by a boy I didn't know. He was sober, sensible, didn't go to the pub, planned on going to university. His advances repelled me - I preferred to go to the pub and go home with whoever took my fancy that night. This was all light hearted and fun - the blokes all knew each other and nobody was upset or getting jealous.

My ex of 10 years was so upset by my behaviour and I loved him so much that to keep our relationship together, I suppressed all of that side of myself. I very thoroughly convinced myself that I had behaved badly. That I should have been less free with my affections. That I was dirty and slutty. Even when we split up, getting over those feelings took years and years. I had completely internalised my ex's views on sex and just took ages to get them out of myself.

Anyway - this year, the others went up before me. I had another trip away to go on first. I had several messages from my mum telling me that one of my old FWBs - the guy I shared my first kiss with - had been spending time with them and was very much looking forward to seeing me.

Seeing him again was both lovely and sad. Lovely because it's comforting to go somewhere where nothing changes. Even though over 20 years had passed since I last saw him, he spoke to me and to all of us as if he last saw us a week or two ago.

Of course, that was also the sadness in it. My old FWB has a son now who is very much like him - a bright, sociable 10 year old who is fascinated by the world and happy to meet new people. Other than that, his life seems much the same. He is still planning on doing something big that will make him lots of money and still finding it hard to actually do the thing. He spoke with such enthusiasm about his plans but spent no time on progressing them while we were there.

He has for the past couple of years given up smoking and drinking. A relief for everybody - especially the drinking. He has a major problem with it, becoming verbally aggressive and sometimes violent while drunk. There was at least one summer while I was there that I left not speaking to him after he'd been drunk and verbally aggressive - only to find him apologetic and sad the next year when I told him what had happened (events he never had any memory of). I believe that this worsened significantly in the years I wasn't visiting. His parents - who are absolutely lovely people - were struggling and spoke of their relief that this time his giving up of alcohol is lasting this time.

The thing is, I kind of wish he'd found another way to control his temper. If he lived where I live or even if he lived where he lives but was a woman, giving up drinking wouldn't be a problem. But where he lives, for men, drinking is an integral part of how they form and maintain social bonds. Giving it up means becoming socially isolated - there are not other groups in that area for men to be part of if they don't drink. In fact, they are seen as less than men if they don't drink heavily.

While there I met up with another old friend of mine who I haven't seen in over 20 years. She and I spent some time trying to convince my old FWB that he should get his son or his son's mum to show him how to set up a facebook account so that he could be in touch with people more. He really wasn't keen - computers are outside his comfort zone. But I remember how attracted he was to my old friend - she was and still is tall, slender, dark and beautiful and I remember how much he fancied her. She and her family are camping there for another week so maybe she can work her charm and convince him to reach out to the world.

I hope so or I fear for him. I worry that otherwise, he will start to drink again and either drink himself to death or end up in prison. Or he won't and he will slide slowly into a lonely, sad old age surrounded by the memories of things not done and connections lost - especially as his son grows up and needs him less.

So - happy holiday. I had lots of fun. C had an amazing time. I got to spend tons of quality time with my family and to reconnect with a couple of old friends I haven't seen in over 2 decades.

But still, I came away yesterday feeling a little sad and a bit worried for an old pal.

IP
 
I can relate a little bit to some of what you wrote. Last week I got in touch with a lover from my past - he broke my heart 26 years ago! He lives far from me, so we've been emailing, texting, and sharing photos. Been in contact just about every day for a week now. He is turning out to be a fun friend to have in my life, but he is stuck in a very unhappy marriage. And there are moments when he reveals how sad and lonely he really is, but then when I ask him to elaborate or answer a question that his comment brought up, he covers it over with a "just kidding" or "no, I meant ___" kind of response. It makes me either want to shake him or save him -- or leave him alone altogether, because it's too painful for me to see such a vibrant, creative being settling for an unsatisfying life.
 
Such a sad story, NYC.

It's so difficult to understand what it is that keeps some people together. I think it is painful to see old friends choosing a life that doesn't satisfy them.
 
I have been holidaying with friends. We combined a trip away with a running race. :D

Everybody I was away with is childless. One of my friends is married (to another friend of mine) but her husband is much older than her and both me and the other friend who was with us are unmarried. Other friend has been mostly single (other than fairly casual dating relationships) for the 20 or so years I've known her.

Our conversation turned to our old age and who will look after us? We have all in slightly different ways chosen lifestyles that mean we are unlikely to have the safety net of family around us. We decided that the thing to do would be to all put ourselves in the same old folks home as each other (along with any partners and friends in similar situations that any of us have at the time).

I actually think that coming together to care for each other will have to happen before then. I have a number of friends who are unmarried and childless and who don't own houses or have pension provisions. I suspect that anybody among my group of friends who has a house, space and money from a pension will find housemates from among those who have nothing.

I've long thought that it is up to those of us who choose to live outside of the traditional safety nets to look out for each other and be each other's family and care system when its needed. Good to hear that those who I choose to have as friends think similarly. :cool:

IP
 
Our conversation turned to our old age and who will look after us? We have all in slightly different ways chosen lifestyles that mean we are unlikely to have the safety net of family around us.

I think about this quite often - as my career often puts me in a position to see what happens to our elderly when there IS no-one to "look after" them. From the other side - I watched it unfold when my father and aunt had to step up to the plate for their (child-less, widowed) great-aunts.

MrS and I are lucky enough to have nieces/nephews who are being raised by smart, responsible, ethical parents. And we will be financially in a position to afford decent care - so hopefully will not be a huge burden on them. I think about Dude though...estranged from his (dysfunctional) family. WE are his family now - by choice. There are no legal protections for him, though. What if our families don't understand that he IS family? Unless we have put plans in place...scary:confused:.

JaneQ
 
I'm kind of lucky and have lots of nephews and my brother and sister are both younger than me.

Friends and loves who are estranged from families are in a difficult position. I have a couple of friends with law degrees who teach and are interested in medical law. The difficulty (in the UK, at least) is that if a person is unable to care for themselves, then the medical staff consult with the next of kin.

For unmarried people, that is likely to be the closest blood relative which can be a big problem if the family is estranged.

I'm okay - my family are people I get on with and also they are people who I know can deal sensibly with the end of life stuff if they need to. They are good at working together, supporting each other and helping with tough decisions (we've been through all of that with Dad and I have lots of confidence in them).

Serious illness in a partner with a rubbish family is one of the few things that would make me consider getting married. I'm very much opposed to marriage but it is probably the easiest way to become somebody's next of kin.
 
I'm feeling incredibly lucky tonight.

Some changes I've been trying to make at my work have finally happened - very pleased about it as it's something important to me. :D

Things between my SO and I are excellent at the moment.

I've been flirting a bit with one or two cute guys.

I have been able to provide help to a wonderful friend of mine.

And I have just gotten involved with an exciting and very worthwhile project.

All good and I find myself smiling lots.

This has been a long, tiring week but there have been lots of positives and tomorrow I'm having lunch with an old friend and then spending the afternoon, evening and night at a music event with my SO and a few others.

I hope this good period in my life lasts for a long time to come. :D
 
I have been thinking for a while (again!) about intimacy, what it means to me and how I set my life up to allow its presence in my life - thanks for triggering some of these thoughts, Cleo.

In my life I very much want the freedom to experience intimacy and love as much as is possible. In fact, it has become kind of driving force for me as the amount of loss to death has built up in my life over the past few years. Now more than ever, I see relationships with others (and myself) as the most important things in my life.

I'm 40 now. Unmarried and childless.

So I feel the need to take a different view on love and intimacy than the one my parents did.

I very much value my freedom to be with old friends, to meet new friends, to have people in my life that I can hold hands with in the pub or snuggle up to when we sit together and people that I can share my problems with, laughs with and puzzle out thoughts. These are all great.

But I find myself cautious about sexual relationships and keen just now to be monogamous.

It seems to me that sometimes sex makes intimacy difficult. I find it much easier to befriend people and be relaxed with them if I'm not thinking that sex is a possibility. It's easier for my SO's women friends to meet me if they aren't worried that I see them as sexual competition. Easier for my SO's best friend's partner to be relaxed about them seeing each other knowing that sex isn't on the table for them.

I wonder if this is a life stage thing, though. I had none of this caution when I was younger. In fact, I tended to want to have close, sexual relationships with people if I possibly could. It didn't seem to be such a big deal for me or for anybody else and I quite cheerfully went around having as much sex as I could.

I kind of wonder if the next decade will end in a big change in attitude. I have several friends and acquaintances who have undergone big changes in their 50s - and for whom life has become much lighter and easier. So I wonder if when I get to my 50s will I start wanting to have multiple romantic loves? Will be interesting to find out.

IP
 
RedPepper posted this http://rhetcomppolydiss.wordpress.com/2013/09/04/honest-monogamy/ on her blog and I love it.

Intentionality and critical thought in relationships is something I'm so much into. It's been a long time since I've lived a conventional life and I'm used to the need to consider, weigh options and think as clearly as possible about what I want from my life and how I want to go about living it. This resonated with me in many ways. :)

IP
 
I have an afternoon to myself with not much I need to do so I thought I might write a bit here.*

Things in my life are reasonably settled right now. There has been no death or serious illness for several months which is lovely.*

I haven't written about my SO and I for a while. Things there are going very well. We are finding the balance between having time to ourselves, time for sex, joint friends, our own friends, our joint and individual interests and work stuff more easily now.*

We continue to practise monogamy - with a critical eye and an appreciation that neither of us is tied to the relationship we currently have.*

Our lives are gradually becoming more entangled and we are lucky, I think, in what we have.

I am lucky in general. I have so many good people in my life.*

I am having a night out with my SO and some friends tonight. Tomorrow I'm hoping to meet another friend for coffee before spending the night babysitting my 4 little nephews. 2 of my oldest friends are going to come and stay over with their daughter so that we can hang out (my SO is giving the baby sitting a miss).*

On Sun I will visit my SO before going to pick C up from my friends who will hopefully give me coffee and sympathy for the trauma of caring for children.*

In between social time with friends, my SO and family, I do some part time paid work, some voluntary work, I love and appreciate C's presence in my life, I run, write a bit and knit.*

I have a rich, varied and interesting life. Something to be very grateful about.*

IP
 
So I've been thinking recently. My SO and I read and discussed the article on relationship anarchy that Marcus has on his profile. It got me to thinking – why is it that I am so sure that I don't want to be in an open relationship?

I should say at the start of this that I am very very happy with how my life is at the moment and don't wish to change anything. These are musings that have been going through my mind NOT a statement of intent.

I reckon that there are things around not wanting to have to deal with jealousy and the fear of loss. Of course – that stuff must be part of it.

But more than that, I worry about the ethics of having an open relationship. Not the ethics between us as such but more the ethics around having other relationships while being committed to remaining in a relationship with each other.

It seems totally reasonable to me that people who are in couples and wish to stay that way take steps to take care of each other. I hear a variety of ways on here that that happens – less or no overnights with outside people, dates cancelled because of family emergencies that the outside people cannot be part of, stopping outside sexual relationships for a period of time. These all seem utterly reasonable, sensible, caring and ethical – until I think about the outside people.

The people who's relationships are limited by factors that remain – and should be – outside their control.

I know that friends fall under the same category – but I tend not to have sex with my friends. I think that's significant. Sex or the anticipation of it has a way of filling us up with happy hormones. It promotes love and intimacy in a way that is harder to find in friendships that don't include it.

And so I worry about the outside people (and to an extent the coupled people too) who might be building up love and connection in a relationship that may be limited or even stop abruptly for reasons that have nothing to do with them.

I know that people agree readily and happily to be in restricted relationships and that often it is what they want – at least for a time. I remain unsure if somebody agreeing to something then makes it ethical for me to do it. Women remain freely in relationships with men who beat them all the time. Even if they are financially able to leave, they often stay. For complex reasons. Their agreement to stay doesn't make it ethical for their husbands to beat them.

I have a similar feeling about a relationship between me and somebody else or my SO and somebody else. An agreement about a limited relationship made in the heat and rush of new relationship and sex hormones may well not be the most ethical – even if it is understandable.

I'm kind of wondering if for me the only way I would consider non-monogamy is if I also considered myself single and so ethically free to allow my relationships to develop as they will.

My SO said to me when we started seeing each other that open relationships should only be started if both members of the couple are very secure in the relationship. More and more I'm starting to think that security in a relationship shouldn't be there. Instead I'd look for security in myself – in the networks of connections and friends around me – and treat the romantic relationships as likely to change if I or any partners I had met somebody new, decided to get married etc.

As we live in a society where the expectation is to get married and have children and share finances etc it seems reasonable that most people will want that at some point and so anybody living life differently I think must expect to lose people as they decide to do what is expected of them.

Hmmm – more thought needed on this I think.
 
Today it is a year since my old love died. I have been thinking of him lots recently and missing his presence in my life. Losing both him and my dad in the same year was tough. But it has reminded me of what is important to me and has, I think, helped me see my life and loves with more clarity.

I spoke with my SO about my thoughts on the relationship anarchy article. He doesn't entirely agree with me - which is totally fine. We are very different people so it is to be expected.

He wondered if it might be slightly paternalistic for me to refuse to get into romantic relationships because I feel that I wasn't able to offer more than a limited relationship to somebody else. He feels that should be the decision of the other person. They may be okay with it or okay with dealing with the emotional issues that may arise.

I absolutely agree. It's totally up to anybody to decide what they want to do and how they want to live their life. That includes me.

My worries aren't really aimed at protecting anybody other than me. This year I have felt more and more that what is important is how I treat the people in my life. My behaviour toward them is what I can control and where I can make a difference. For me this means that I should not behave unethically toward people in my life. I think that we very much become what we practice and so I want to avoid behaving in ways that I see as unethical.

I know that there is nothing theoretically unethical about being openly and honestly non-monogamous but I think that in practice it can easily become unethical.

These boards have example after example. There are almost daily variations on folk who regularly have to talk themselves down from feeling very upset after their partner has cancelled on them again because their partner's other partner is struggling and wants them to stay home. The folk who can't spend the night with their partners regularly and who desperately want to. The folk who need to check in with their partner's other partner that it's okay to have sex with them. The folk who feel lonely but understanding because their partner can't be with them as much as they would like because of choosing to be with other partners. Then there are the ones left at home with small children while their partner goes out to play with new people without returning the favour - because they just don't have time. Or the ones who's partner can't pay any attention to them because of being obsessed with a new partner.

These people are all being treated unethically IMO. The thing is, the unethical behaviour is utterly understandable and reasonable. I would do the same I expect. Of course I would. I get why these things come up again and again and again. Theory and practice so often don't tie up - and for reasons not really within the control of individuals.

Anybody being non-monogamous in the UK at least is doing it within a society that is very strongly tilted toward monogamy and I think that this is what makes it likely that somebody along the line is being treated unethically.

I have no wish to be part of treating people unethically - because of the whole becoming what you practice thing - so for me if I'm in a relationship, it needs to be monogamous - for both of us. I have no wish to be with a partner who is likely to be treating people in their life unethically regularly (wouldn't be with a partner who trained dogs using electric shock collars either). If ever I find myself single again I might be interested in practicing non-monogamy in the ways described by solo poly folks on these boards. Less chance, I think, of being unethical if I was not one half of a couple.

How weird. I started reading these boards to try and give myself understanding because being in an open relationship was so important to my SO and I wanted to feel more safe with it. I seem to have come to the conclusion that my safety isn't important. That, of course, I would be safe with it. But that it still isn't something I want to be doing.

IP
 
I'm thinking about the new year.

I want to carry on concentrating on building and developing relationships. I am so blessed with the people in my life and I want to continue with seeing where things can go when I focus on making space for them.

So I think that my goal for 2014 is to make sure that I make space in my life for the people and dogs who I care about. I also want to spend time decorating my home and focusing more on my writing. These are important but not as important as making space and time for loved ones.

I want 2014 to be about love and friendship and closeness. I want to concentrate my time and energy on being as good as I can be at being there for those that I care about. And allowing new friendships to build and develop.

IP
 
I'm spending the last night of 2013 at home with C, some telly and my knitting. The last couple of weeks of the year have been hard. I very much associate this time of year with death and dying and losing loved ones. I have shed many tears and felt lonely, anxious and sad for much of the holiday period.

Tonight I feel the sadness. I miss my dad and I miss my old love more than I can say. I also feel surrounded by love and care. I woke at 4am this morning, feeling anxious and sad. Couldn't get back to sleep so I got up. Did some reading, some knitting and then wrote on facebook about all the good things that have happened this year. Everything good and positive I could think of I wrote about. I talked especially about how lucky I've been to have shared so many good times with all of the wonderful people in my life. I invited my friends to write too - this is a hard time of year for lots of people and I know that I am not alone in my sadness.

Several of my friends wrote back to say that they were there. Some of them told me that they value me. That they believe me to be caring, compassionate and a benefit in their life. That I have good people around me because I behave in ways that attract those people. Others read and liked what I'd said. Some sent me hugs. One nearby friend got in touch and invited me to her house later in the week for dinner, chatting and some knitting.

I went to work and was reminded again of how caring the people around me are. I was there early - only 1 other colleague was in the office. He started conversation about how concerned he is about a friend of his who seems to be becoming depressed and is hiding away a bit. He cares enough to notice his friend's wellbeing and is concerned enough to talk about it - with me and with other shared friends.

The day became more light hearted and the few of us who were there in case of emergencies amused ourselves with jokes and funny stories as we kept an eye on the things we had to do and periodically reassured customers who were anxious that things will go well over the end of the year.

I spoke to my partner on the phone. He has a dreadful cold and sounded very ill. He knows how sad I've been feeling and how keen I was for company tonight and he offered to come to see me. I thanked him and told him that I thought he should stay at his own home in the warm and get more rest. Earlier in the week, I felt like I had to have him with me tonight and had asked him if he would make time for me. Knowing that he is there for me is enough it turns out.

We have made plans for me to visit him tomorrow evening instead. He promises me dinner, telly and lots of hugs and snuggles.

So I feel loved, cared for and content. Able to deal with any sadness that might arise tonight. C is here with me and the world is okay.

I have plans to run tomorrow morning, visit an old friend for dog walks and lunch later on and then head to my partner's in the evening.

I hope that everybody enjoys this last night of the year whatever you are up to.

IP
 
Hi IP,

I feel the same way about this time of year. Just wanted to tell you how much I've appreciated and valued your contributions to these boards the past year. Wishing you a good evening with C and telly and knitting - sounds pretty good to me :)
Hugs!
 
Green eyed monster

I've been having lots of conversations about jealousy this week. I think it comes up more often than we think and that it is useful to learn how to deal with it.

In conversation with a friend, we discussed her mother's struggles with jealousy of a couple who regularly help my friend and her partner with their children. We think the mum finds it hard because she feels that they take some of her place as grand parent. This has led to fights and secrecy in the family.

We talked about how my friend could help her mum to feel less worried.

Then later in the week, C and I had a night out with my partner and some of his work colleagues. Being able to have a dog in the pub who enjoys being with people is lovely and useful for folk I think. One of the people there noticed that C was being affectionate with lots of people and that sometimes folk would come over and feed him a biscuit.

She asked about it. Told me that she has another friend who absolutely doesn't encourage her 2 dogs to be affectionate with anybody other than her.

I think it's common. People worry that if they allow their dog to show affection to others that they will be less important in the dog's world. Of course, this isn't true at all. Dogs who have nice lives with people who they love don't want to replace them. However, they are, on the whole, sociable creatures and if given the opportunity they enjoy having more than one human friend.

I'd guess that even for people who never ever consider polyamory, learning to deal with jealousy is an important thing to do. For ourselves and our loved ones. C's life would be very diminished if I refused him the opportunity to make new friends and show affection to lots of different people.

IP
 
Sex Shaming

Funny - I was talking to my partner this week about the shyness I have around discussing sex with him (not just him - it has existed with other partners).

I know where it comes from - partly society norms and partly personal experiences (sadly some of it came from a long term partner - a man I loved wholeheartedly and who I considered my best friend). Understanding where it comes from helps because I don't feel badly toward myself for it.

My partner tells me that he believes I think it's much worse than it is. Possibly he's right but it annoys me. I'm not used to feeling awkwardness in social situations and feeling it at all annoys me. If there is time and space this year, there are a few things I could do that will probably help.

The point of this post is to talk a bit about the damage I think it causes to people in general and myself specifically. I went through a long number of years feeling like people should be ashamed of sex. I didn't like to see people kiss. I was annoyed by sexual scenes on TV. I had fully bought into the idea of sex as something to be hidden and not discussed. During those years I didn't particularly like having sex for myself either and I kept it to a bare minimum.

I know I'm not alone in this. I have a number of friends who I know feel that way.

I also see how women are picked on for being sexual and I understand why lots of women would avoid that sort of bullying by just not being sexual.

I see the damage done to men through it too. I have one or two male friends who struggle to form relationships and their struggle is partly to do with this sort of thing. They like sex and want to have a partner who does too. But then when they do, they feel badly toward their partner because they also hold in their head the notion that women who like sex are not good people. Not surprisingly, their relationships break down frequently.

There is so much damage done by this sort of thing and I hate to see those attitudes perpetuated on these boards.

I'm quite lucky. I was able to take the time and space I needed to resolve my discomfort about sex. I am confident and self contained and solvent enough that I could spend plenty of time on my own. I spent much of that time building a life I love and some of it dealing with my negative attitude toward sex.

I have some excellent friends who have a tendency to be affectionate with their partners in public. One or two who talk happily about their own sex lives. Being around people like that was helpful.

Gradually my bad feeling toward sex disappeared. I confirmed for myself that I felt better when an old friend of mine asked me if I would have sex with him when I was visiting his home town a few years ago. I said an enthusiastic yes to his idea. :D Very glad I did - I had a wonderful time.

All I'm left with now is a slight shyness which I'd imagine will go too in time so I consider myself lucky.

Shame around sex causes so much damage and I'd much rather it didn't happen.

IP
 
Grief is a weird thing. It's been a bit over a year since my old love died, a bit over 2 since Dad died and a bit over 3 since my sweet girl dog died.

I've been feeling pretty much okay for a time.

And then a friend of mine sent me a message on facebook. She's a very good friend. Knows C and I well. She'd spotted a homeless dog who she thinks would be a perfect fit for C and I's household. So she messaged me about him.

I spent much of the evening in tears. She's right - the dog looks like he would be a perfect fit. He needs a good home. And yet I am not ready. I cannot yet contemplate making that level of emotional commitment. I felt guilty and sad about not being able to help. I worried about whether or not C would prefer to have a dog friend living here.

That night I dreamt about my old love. I woke up with the familiar feel of his body under my fingers and smiling about watching him play with another dog. It felt like losing him all over again. Yesterday I grieved all over again for him.

Losing a dog is such a physical and emotional loss.

IP
 
I have been reading this blog: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69294

The story told is a hard one to read. It has got me thinking. That and the discussion a while ago about ethics.

I was hopeful when first hearing about poly that it might be a solution to my problem with romantic relationships. After reading more and finding out more about it, I still suspect that might be true but it is still something I would only consider if I were to find myself single again.

My boundary about poly (which may or may not change) is that it's something I would only do so long as there is nobody in my life that I would refer to as a partner or who might legitimately refer to me as a partner.

I have ethical concerns about it. I don't see myself as any different from other people and I pretty much suspect that if I was now in a poly situation that I would want to do things to protect my existing relationship - in the same way as lots of people do here. I also think it's likely that I might justify doing things that mean others get hurt. Even if that's just me pointing out issues to my partner that means the other person gets dropped. That sort of thing is a problem to me and I don't want to set up a situation where I am likely to behave that way. The easiest way I can think of to do it is to have monogamous relationships or multiple FWBs but not both.

I'm pretty lucky in my life. I've managed to move past the notion that life is only okay so long as I have a romantic partner, am healing from a break up or are looking for a romantic partner. I'm perfectly happy and at ease with being solo and maybe that makes a difference to me?

I find it a little disappointing in honesty. I'd hoped when I joined this forum to find stories of happy, well functioning relationships. What I'm finding is lots of lovely people who are trying hard but who seem to find their relationships hard work.

It seems to me that the only happy stories I read about are about very new relationships. Or come from people who aren't doing the sharing of a partner. The ones doing the sharing or the older relationships seem to be more problematic and entail much harder work.

Kevin T - is a notable exception. If you're reading, Kevin - you are something of an inspiration to me. :)

Sigh - I'm going to head off to somewhere beautiful soon for a walk and try to get some of this jadedness out of myself.

IP
 
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