Thread: Reinventing Ivy
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Old 05-14-2011, 02:46 PM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
I've been thinking about this a lot.
Yeah, you do think a lot, don't you? That isn't a criticism! Better you should think than act stupidly. But - as the Spanish say - "No te comas el coco." [Don't eat your own head.]
Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
I may be building a worst-case scenario here (I tend to do that), but if I sought a friendship with him, I think he'd be vague and dodgy about it. He wouldn't want to hurt me, but he also wouldn't want to upset Ella, so he wouldn't do either.

The last email he sent me, he commented that your friends care about you, even when they take a few steps back. I think he intended for me to understand that as an explanation of his feelings. It hurts--people who take a few steps back seldom return--but it might be time to accept it.
At least the present situation means that YOU don't have to decide to maintain distance from Ben in order to maintain your relationship with Ella. This should feel alleviating (but I bet it doesn't, does it?) If Ella insinuates that your closeness to Ben is going to make it unlikely that there'll be a resumption of her friendship towards you, then that's the definitive proof. People who use emotional blackmail of that kind are NOT worth having as friends!

My advice (worth about one butter bean, but I'll let you have it completely free of charge):
1) Read both stories linked in my last comments.
2) Send the links to Ben and ask him to read the stories, too.
3) Use the stories and the conversation at the end of the 2nd one as a springboard in a talk to Ben about what true friendship is all about. Tell him that his friendship means a lot to you... but not enough to swallow a pile of SHIT.
4) Find some [other] friends who treat you and your friendship as the treasures that you are.
5) Don't allow others' emotional inadequacies undermine your sense of worth!
6) Keep looking in that mirror... and SMILE at yourself, goddammit!
7) If all else fails, plan a visit to Spain.
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