It's going to be a pretty long post, so hold on lol
've been with my fiancé for 5 years now and we have openly talked about having an open relationship since the 2nd/3rd year in. I suggested it was something I was open to because of the type of relationship we have but went through an array of emotions/conclusions before I arrived at where I am now. Which is where I'll get to eventually..
See my fiancé and I met for the first time in middle school (briefly in 6th) but were virtually enemies and eventually decent friends (the 8th) because of a mutual friend we talked to. It wasn't until I was 19-20 that we became good friends because of a falling out with that same person. During that time we became very close (year and a half span) and unexpectedly we ended up falling for each other after I moved in with him. This happened not even 2-3 months after I moved in. When I say it was unexpected, it was, because he's gay and I felt no type of way towards him because of that (expect loving him as a friend) prior to the sudden days that led up to us becoming what we are now. He has had past interest in women but it's mostly been 99% in men. So you can see how everyone around us were shocked and for a while I still didn't understand it.
Anyway, fast forward 3 months and I got pregnant with our first child. He was ecstatic and over the moon because he wanted kids and even though I can't imagine life without my daughter now, didn't and if so not for years. During that time I was depressed because of that and also going through a variety of emotions because this was my first serious relationship as well as child. He also went through a time considering the relationship as well but we mended those bridges. After I had my daughter, things only got worse for me, as I suffered from PPD and it took me a long time to deal with those issues which didn't have to do with the relationship but with past emotional scars.
Fast forward to the middle of last year and we were considering having another child, which became official the Feb of this year. We had also started discussing having a one sided open relationship around this time (with him hinting at threesomes) but I pushed it off as I was pregnant and emotionally didn't feel ready.
For the last month though I had been entertaining the thought of letting him sleep with other people but didn't want to say anything about it until he brought it up a few days ago. After talking about it and laying down rules, I agreed to it.
Now for those that think, gosh this lady is crazy and why would she agree to this when she's about to have a child due (end of this month) and how can she emotionally handle it... Let me explain. These last couple months we haven't been as intimate because of the pregnancy (physically can't have sex) and there's only so much you can do otherwise to get the feeling you crave. I knew this, it didn't bother me not to get some because my sex drive is so low but I knew it was bothering him even though he's been very patient with me about sex etc. I also thought opening the relationship up now would help our current situation by alleviating some of that sexual tension.
Now yesterday was the first time he was going to be with someone but ended up not doing it and instead went to a friends party he previously had agreed to going to. I ended up having a meltdown before he got home, even though I felt okay with it and during that time had quite few revelations as well as deeper understanding of everything. So today when he found someone, I agreed and after he called to talk to me about it. Nothing really feels different, if anything I felt relief but of course still have feelings of jealousy, a little anger but nothing serious.
My point in all of this is how am I supposed to feel and whats normal? I know that sounds like a stupid question but I feel like my emotions are in a cloud, not really sure of which emotion to feel. I'm not sure if it's because it's new or honestly what.
We've agreed to talk about everything, no matter how hard it might be to say (even though I previously I didn't want to know certian things but realized that's impossible for me, like who it is) because in order for it to work, communication and trust are the only things that will keep it from exploding. We naturally have a very strong avenue of communication and trust but one issue I've always had is severe anxiety (which he is very supportive though) and the problem of constantly over thinking a situation even when I have reassurance.
I guess my biggest issue was also not wanting to open this box if I decided I just couldn't do it. He's reassured me that even if I decided I didn't want to do this anymore, he would be fine with it, before and after he went through with it. Right now I'm in a state of that cloud feeling but not wanting to give it up because of that. The agreement was also he can do this until the baby is born and after we will reevaluate it if I had let him continue.
I also have a question about open relationship couples who particle in threesomes as well. I personally find everything I need in him and don't feel that urge he does but want to know if that would be an easier avenue to travel down versus him one on one or something I should consider. Or if that's selfish of me to bring up being he's getting something I can't exactly replicate (well I can but it's not the same) and if it wasn't for that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him with someone else. He is also the one that suggested that when we first talked about this but I shut that down because I didn't want to be with anyone else physically (made me sick to even think about it, let alone let him do it) but now after all of this, I'm considering it. I feel like I could handle that and he would also have his needs met. I also know my focus would be him, even though another was involved..
Anyway, any and all input is appreciated as I have no one to talk about this.
've been with my fiancé for 5 years now and we have openly talked about having an open relationship since the 2nd/3rd year in. I suggested it was something I was open to because of the type of relationship we have but went through an array of emotions/conclusions before I arrived at where I am now. Which is where I'll get to eventually..
See my fiancé and I met for the first time in middle school (briefly in 6th) but were virtually enemies and eventually decent friends (the 8th) because of a mutual friend we talked to. It wasn't until I was 19-20 that we became good friends because of a falling out with that same person. During that time we became very close (year and a half span) and unexpectedly we ended up falling for each other after I moved in with him. This happened not even 2-3 months after I moved in. When I say it was unexpected, it was, because he's gay and I felt no type of way towards him because of that (expect loving him as a friend) prior to the sudden days that led up to us becoming what we are now. He has had past interest in women but it's mostly been 99% in men. So you can see how everyone around us were shocked and for a while I still didn't understand it.
Anyway, fast forward 3 months and I got pregnant with our first child. He was ecstatic and over the moon because he wanted kids and even though I can't imagine life without my daughter now, didn't and if so not for years. During that time I was depressed because of that and also going through a variety of emotions because this was my first serious relationship as well as child. He also went through a time considering the relationship as well but we mended those bridges. After I had my daughter, things only got worse for me, as I suffered from PPD and it took me a long time to deal with those issues which didn't have to do with the relationship but with past emotional scars.
Fast forward to the middle of last year and we were considering having another child, which became official the Feb of this year. We had also started discussing having a one sided open relationship around this time (with him hinting at threesomes) but I pushed it off as I was pregnant and emotionally didn't feel ready.
For the last month though I had been entertaining the thought of letting him sleep with other people but didn't want to say anything about it until he brought it up a few days ago. After talking about it and laying down rules, I agreed to it.
Now for those that think, gosh this lady is crazy and why would she agree to this when she's about to have a child due (end of this month) and how can she emotionally handle it... Let me explain. These last couple months we haven't been as intimate because of the pregnancy (physically can't have sex) and there's only so much you can do otherwise to get the feeling you crave. I knew this, it didn't bother me not to get some because my sex drive is so low but I knew it was bothering him even though he's been very patient with me about sex etc. I also thought opening the relationship up now would help our current situation by alleviating some of that sexual tension.
Now yesterday was the first time he was going to be with someone but ended up not doing it and instead went to a friends party he previously had agreed to going to. I ended up having a meltdown before he got home, even though I felt okay with it and during that time had quite few revelations as well as deeper understanding of everything. So today when he found someone, I agreed and after he called to talk to me about it. Nothing really feels different, if anything I felt relief but of course still have feelings of jealousy, a little anger but nothing serious.
My point in all of this is how am I supposed to feel and whats normal? I know that sounds like a stupid question but I feel like my emotions are in a cloud, not really sure of which emotion to feel. I'm not sure if it's because it's new or honestly what.
We've agreed to talk about everything, no matter how hard it might be to say (even though I previously I didn't want to know certian things but realized that's impossible for me, like who it is) because in order for it to work, communication and trust are the only things that will keep it from exploding. We naturally have a very strong avenue of communication and trust but one issue I've always had is severe anxiety (which he is very supportive though) and the problem of constantly over thinking a situation even when I have reassurance.
I guess my biggest issue was also not wanting to open this box if I decided I just couldn't do it. He's reassured me that even if I decided I didn't want to do this anymore, he would be fine with it, before and after he went through with it. Right now I'm in a state of that cloud feeling but not wanting to give it up because of that. The agreement was also he can do this until the baby is born and after we will reevaluate it if I had let him continue.
I also have a question about open relationship couples who particle in threesomes as well. I personally find everything I need in him and don't feel that urge he does but want to know if that would be an easier avenue to travel down versus him one on one or something I should consider. Or if that's selfish of me to bring up being he's getting something I can't exactly replicate (well I can but it's not the same) and if it wasn't for that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him with someone else. He is also the one that suggested that when we first talked about this but I shut that down because I didn't want to be with anyone else physically (made me sick to even think about it, let alone let him do it) but now after all of this, I'm considering it. I feel like I could handle that and he would also have his needs met. I also know my focus would be him, even though another was involved..
Anyway, any and all input is appreciated as I have no one to talk about this.