Are we doomed?

civfan

New member
Hello, I am very much in love with my gf who has a gf but when we all first met we would jump into bed together but as of now that will never happen again, do you think we have any chance of living the rest of our lives as poly?
 
Does it bother any of you that it will never happen again?

If not, than there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to have a happy, healthy Poly relationship, Poly doesn't equal having to sleep together all the time.
 
It bothers me a lot and I'm not sure if it bothers them at all the thing is my gf gets jealous if I touch her gf and her gf has a husband in prison who gets out in the Summer so she doesn't want 3sum but twice a month the three of us end up spending the night in a 2 bedroom house and that needs to be figured out please :)
 
Well if she doesn't want to sleep with you and they are not bothered, than...get over it.

If you have two bedrooms can't they sleep in the spare (I am assuming there is a spare and that is why you mentioned it)? The only person who can scupper this relationship is you (and maybe the boyfriend when he gets out of prison).
 
I know I need to get over it but it is not easy! They do sleep in the other room which is good but I need to work on my jealousy, I know it sounds crazy and I'm sure I am ;) but its seems almost like 3sum was a woman who left me and I feel heartbroken, also my gf has DEMANDED that I find second gf but I know she'd get super jealous if she found out I did, so am I doomed?
 
First of all that demand is just stupid, where are you going to pick up a girlfriend from? The girlfriend Market?

This could have all been prevented by your metamour having firm boundaries in the first place, pity she did not think of her boyfriend before sleeping with you! Does he even know about it or was she cheating on him?

Either way, getting a girlfriend on your own might help distract you from your jealousy, but that is just a deflection, you really need to work on this yourself, realise that you don't own your girlfriend and decide whether you can live with a poly person or whether you would prefer a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Either way, this is about you, not them ok?

((hugs))
 
Thanks for helping, the thing is that my gf met her Girl Friend 4 months before she met me and now here we are a yr and a half later, I just started a new topic about it so hope to see you there! Hugs
 
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Greetings civfan,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I read your other thread, it sounds like you got the input/advice you needed there, but ping me on this thread if there's some more stuff on that thread that you'd like my input on.

Sounds like the biggest fly in the ointment is jealousy. In case it might help, here are some links on the subject:

Let us discuss the greeneye monster shall we?
How to slay the greeneyed beastie.

Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, Etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Kathy Labriola: Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

Work on all that for a spell, and then see if maybe some of those pesky details might fall into place.

As for getting a girlfriend, that's all well and good -- but not something I'd force or rush. What sort of girlfriend would this be by the way, a very intimate partner with lots of emotional commitment or more just a FWB?

Just curious,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks for the very good reply Kevin, it will take me a while to go through all the great links, as far as what kind of gf I should find, I'm not sure but I would like to have sex way more often than 3 times a month, do you have any advice on this Kevin?
 
Thanks for the very good reply Kevin, it will take me a while to go through all the great links, as far as what kind of gf I should find, I'm not sure but I would like to have sex way more often than 3 times a month, do you have any advice on this Kevin?

Some pointers might be:

1) Meet women with a high libido
2) Don't date women with a low libido.

Not sure how Kevin is supposed to help you! :p
 
Some pointers might be:

1) Meet women with a high libido
2) Don't date women with a low libido.

Not sure how Kevin is supposed to help you! :p

Seriously though, it has made my gf's ploy world very difficult for the 3 of us because she has a very low libido and her gf and I have very high ones and my gf gets super jealous if we even talk to each other in private.
 
Help me Kevin -- help, help, me Kevin,
Help me Kevin -- help, help, me Kevin,

LOL, okay I got that out of my system now.

Seriously though civfan and sorry I didn't respond sooner, I'm like a wizard, I disappear for days or weeks at a time without notice. But seriously man, you need some kind of help with your girlfriend's jealousy issues. Can you find a poly-friendly counselor and if so, would your girlfriend be willing to join you in seeing that counselor? I can list a few links for finding poly-friendly professionals if that will help.

If you tell your girlfriend, "Babe, I need sex more often," and she angrily retorts, "Well go get another girlfriend then!" only to then get mad (jealous) at you when you do try to go get another girlfriend: Dude, that's not cool, she's not treating you right. You need to have a heavy heart-to-heart with her sometime when the two of you can talk without getting mad.

I'll be able to give better advice as I find out more about your situation, but right now that's what occurs to me when GBWIP.

Good luck, hope this, well, helps. :)
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
LOL Kevin, well my gf and her gf came over today so I tried being friendly with her gf like she wants but then she got mad that I was talking to her too much, so then I started talking to her about work and then she got mad, if you or any other guys on here have more than one girl friend I really don't know how you do it and stay sane.
 
Now is this both girlfriends (taking turns) getting mad at you, or just the one? Perhaps the three of you need to sit down and have a formal "Relationship Talk." Just straight up and tell them you're having trouble figuring out how they need you to act, and that you have needs too.

Honestly, though, I'm detecting a lot of angry in your main girlfriend at least though. This might not even be a jealousy issue, it might be an anger management issue. I could be wrong of course ...
 
Now is this both girlfriends (taking turns) getting mad at you, or just the one? Perhaps the three of you need to sit down and have a formal "Relationship Talk." Just straight up and tell them you're having trouble figuring out how they need you to act, and that you have needs too.

Honestly, though, I'm detecting a lot of angry in your main girlfriend at least though. This might not even be a jealousy issue, it might be an anger management issue. I could be wrong of course ...

No I think you are right, she has rage issues, guess I'll just tough it out and try to be happy.
 
Oohh, that's harsh.

I don't suppose there's any chance she might be willing to recognize that she has a problem? I mean it could be hormonal or otherwise chemical. Sometimes just getting the right prescription med can help. And it would pay off for her personally too, because she'd feel better. It can't feel good to be mad all the time, it just can't.

Anything in her past? Could she have PTSD? Just wondering.
 
Oohh, that's harsh.

I don't suppose there's any chance she might be willing to recognize that she has a problem? I mean it could be hormonal or otherwise chemical. Sometimes just getting the right prescription med can help. And it would pay off for her personally too, because she'd feel better. It can't feel good to be mad all the time, it just can't.

Anything in her past? Could she have PTSD? Just wondering.

She's already on Prozac, I just think that's her personality to raise her voice a lot, she's usually a lot better when she's drunk and or stoned, usually every night by 8:pM
 
I am not getting any idea of why you are with this woman. She's super jealous, she doesn't meet your sexual needs, she won't "let" you see other women to meet those needs, she gets mad if you so much as talk to her gf (your former lover), she yells a lot, she's only calm when drunk or stoned.

Are you being emotionally abused?
 
I am not getting any idea of why you are with this woman. She's super jealous, she doesn't meet your sexual needs, she won't "let" you see other women to meet those needs, she gets mad if you so much as talk to her gf (your former lover), she yells a lot, she's only calm when drunk or stoned.

Are you being emotionally abused?

I wouldn't say I am being abused at all, I've got a lot of my own faults too, with no offence meant to anyone I feel I am about done with this thread but I am going to start a new one about jealousy.
 
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