Has it really been that long since I've posted something here? I guess I come here to hash out problems and there really haven't been any.
Audrey and I are still living in my old home and having a great time. We'd been functionally monogamous, but still reminding each other that we were/are poly.
About 4 months ago, Audrey lost her phone twice in a two week span (stolen once, lost the other). That really made her go introspective and more of a home-body. Once she got a new phone, that took a 180 degree turn, as she re-downloaded every app on the planet and began talking to lots of people again. All of which I am much more comfortable with.
See for the longest time I had the urge to read her texts and messages from dating apps. I never did, but I had a strong urge to. Now I've learned to zone out and just go with it.
She's gone out on maybe 4 or 5 dates with guys that never really seem to progress into anything more than dinner or coffee once or twice.
Somewhere about two months ago, she got asked out on a date by a guy I'll just call Hair Jordan. I call him that because he's a doughier version of the Sons of Anarchy guy with long blonde hair...and he took her to a wedding wearing a suit and Air Jordan shoes. We had a laugh about that. In that two months they've met up five times and had sex 3 of those times. It's a total friends with benefits thing. There was one period when she was drunk that she texted him and said she had some feelings, but that passed. I've never gotten really worried or paranoid about this guy or her behavior except for one period where I freaked out about a specific issue.
(Close your eyes or skip forward if you're squeamish.) When she first came back from having sex with him, we did the usual download. She told me that even though they had sex 4 times she never came. Of course I have these weird trust issues. I always feel like when she's saying something less than complimentary about one of her dates that she's just doing it to make me happy. (I came into this relationship with trust issues...and I'm working on them.) Well the one complimentary thing she did say about him is that his penis was gigantic. But even that was a detraction, because she said it was so big that it hurt when they had sex. Now I'm above average in that arena and I've never really been a penis comparison kind of guy. But I went to a dysfunctional place in my head for 2 or 3 days where I was worried that this was going to make her like sex with him more and eventually lead her to leave me for him. I talked it out with a female friend I trust who told me that yes, too big or too small can be unfortunate, but within the averages, when used well, is amazing itself. Again, I know it's a silly issue, but we men are taught to fear this whole subject. And there's no way to fix it by enlarging it, so that feeds into the fear. I get rave reviews from her and others in the past, yadda yadda yadda. But I freaked for a few days.
The last time she went over to his place (two nights ago), she came back and said she didn't see him as the kind of guy she'd ever want a relationship with. Apparently he played some music out loud on his phone...just happened to be the Sam Smith "Stay with me", but in talking about it, we couldn't tell either way if it was just him playing music (it was actively chosen by him) or whether he was trying to communicate a message. I said she should ask him, but she's not into him that way and doesn't want to push the issue. Really if he's trying to say something, it's on him to come out and say it.
Meanwhile, I've been out on two dates. I drove about 30 minutes to meet a girl that isn't my normal type physically, but was a lot of fun to spend time with. As opposed to Audrey's conversations that progress quicker because she's a sexually aggressive female and she's being hit on by guys....my conversations are with women (not that they can't be sexual, but less likely to talk like a guy in this area)...and things go slowly. Tracy and I met at this dive country bar (not my scene at all) and sang karaoke until 3 in the morning. I didn't think she was into me, but the next day all the texts were highly complimentary. We'd kissed at the end of the night and almost went home together, but I didn't press the issue. We're still flirting by text and I'm sure we'll hang out again and maybe even play a bit. Who knows.
Last night I dropped Audrey off at a bar to meet a guy that's been hitting on her for awhile. In my neighborhood, we have four bars that are right by each other, so everyone kind of sees everyone on the weekends. We go to one that I'll call "The Corner Bar", another "Jazz Club", and another "Hipster Lounge". This guy that we call "Oily Dipstick" (I love making names for these guys. Yes, it's probably repressed aggression or resentment, but I'm dealing with it through humor.) is one of the bartenders at The Corner Bar. He's seen us come in together a lot. Even holding hands, kissing etc. But he still decided to hit on her. I can't blame him - she's hot and fun. And she's poly. So there you go.
After weeks and weeks of texting...and her putting him off 4 times due to other things being more important...they finally went out. The rub was that she'd just spent the night with Hair Jordan starting at 8 p.m. and stayed at his place sleeping until almost 4 p.m. - so I was missing her a great deal. She'd forgotten about the date with Oily, but couldn't in good conscience cancel again.
I spoke up and voiced my need for her not to stay out all night as usual (normally it's until 4 in the morning because Jazz Club stays open that late). She did a great job of initiating questions about what I needed so that's how we got to talking about it. Well done, Audrey. I asked if 12 was a reasonable compromise. She agreed. Then we went into our usual mode of me helping her get dressed. Again, she went out of her way to let me know that what she was wearing was expressly not "I'm ready for sex" clothes. Granny panties. Hair in a messy pony tail. Control top panty hose. Now, if we were being uber-logical and Vulcan, it's up to her whether she decides to have sex...and I shouldn't discourage that. Honestly, her having sex with someone else doesn't bother me anymore. It's being alone that I hate. (Although I'm getting better at that myself.)
She finished getting ready, I dropped her off. About 12 I messaged and asked if she wanted me to pick her up...which she said she absolutely did. Tipsily, she came out to the car and we went home. I didn't really ask about the date, but eventually somehow we got on the subject. He's a pot head which she doesn't really like. Other than that he's pretty unremarkable. Apparently at the end he tried twice to get her to come home with him (again, can't blame him), but she declined. In fact when she told me the story she did it with this mocking tone, but I'm sure she was nicer to the guy than that. Perhaps they'll see each other again. And I'm cool with that. But I don't see a connection there at all.
I don't think it'll be weird when we go to The Corner Bar. He knows that I know and I know that he knows that I know. It's all part of our style of life. The one odd thing is that there's another bartender at The Corner Bar who has been trying to chat her up too. I don't know if she's coming off as "easy to talk to" wink wink or if it's genuine. She's pretty much shut him down from the beginning, which is for her to do.
When we got home from her date, we had truly amazing sex. Even better than the usual amazing sex we usually have. I don't think that going on the date got her hot. She's just very frisky when she drinks.
I'm learning to use the time when she's gone to get things done that I can't get done when she's here. Cleaning and work I bring home and some of my side hobbies. But I really do enjoy companionship...and her companionship especially. So the loneliness issue is something I'm having to work through.
Thanks for reading what my brain spills onto the screen.