Derbylicious
New member
I honestly didn't read any of it as negative yesterday. You help me to think about why I want to do things (or why I might not want to). Plus we all have bad days where we just feel like grouching.
It was more the other stuff I said via message that I felt bad about. I can be so sarcastic sometimes. I know it doesn't come across as joking, even if I say it is. It's usually my attempt to lighten the mood in MY life, but sometimes it comes across as condescending and doesn't respect the reader's process and feelings. That's not my intent, but that's how it comes across. I'm glad you know me well enough to know that. But it still doesn't make it okay. I need to find ways to lighten the mood in my life without being sarcastic online. Still working on that and am aware of it.I honestly didn't read any of it as negative yesterday. You help me to think about why I want to do things (or why I might not want to). Plus we all have bad days where we just feel like grouching.
I got a text from Leo to tell me he had a good meeting. He'd cancelled our date tonight to go to it. He was drunk and walking home, as he couldn't drive. Its about 15 kms to his house so I went and got him and took him home. It was nice to do that and feel like I could participate in his life in some way. It made me feel needed. I am also taking his girl out on Sunday afternoon with my boy. They are the same age and friends (as we all camp together). I am looking forward to that too.
I went to see a movie tonight with PN, the same one I went to last week with Mono. What could I do? They wanted to see the same movie *shrug* He really enjoyed it and so did I. We all like the same movies in this house. It rocks! PN was happy as he feel asleep. Good movie, good chat and good sex.
Bahaha! Caught it within seconds, as if it matters, really. What would anyone do with a real first name, anyway? It's not like there aren't others. You have a very common name.You used my real name Now everyone knows who I am
On being selfish-- it can be thought (I had a PM to the effect) that I am being selfish in needing to have a husband, girlfriend, and boyfriend and still need more.
Bahaha!
You used my real name. Now everyone knows who I am.
Because the picture of your face when you post here isn't a giveaway as to who you are.
Thanks. This makes a lot of sense and kind of defuses my mind a bit. Appreciated.Every decision we make in life-- marriage, children, school, career, etc. requires change and compromise. Even when the pluses outweigh the minuses, we still find that we miss or long for the things we willingly chose to give up or compromise on.
A lot of people have a hard time understanding that some people want to live their life with a philosophy of intimate freedom. Usually that is because they are inclined or conditioned for monogamy so anything else seems wrong. I understand the opinion and think it is valid in plenty of cases of what I consider artificial polyamory (where one partner merely keeps an existing relationship going for security and comfort but doesn't actually "love" them).
I also know this is not the case in many other cases. Some people are inherently selfish and others are inherently loving. You are an inherently loving person.
Opinions and ideas get skewed by our own thinking. For example, lots of poly people associate my boundaries with a fear of losing you or insecurities relating to sexuality. This opinion is understandable and logical in the community we live in..and yet completely wrong and inapplicable to how I feel. This is only a problem if I choose to engage in debates over it. I have no need to engage in debates over irrelevant ideas of why I am a certain way and this frustrates people because they don't believe what I say. Fair enough...I just don't bother, not everyone has to understand.
I admittedly suffer from this frustration in trying to understand the need of people to take every relationship to the area of physical intimacy or even to have that potential freedom. I don't question it though or look for "why it is wrong"..I simply accept it without understanding and try to give as much of myself as I can with genuine purity. Knowing when that is healthy and when I am unhealthy or less than genuine is the key.
I don't ask "why" anymore..I just know how things work and accept that sometimes change happens that leads people down different paths to be healthy.
It seems to be completely appropriate to question why people have certain boundaries (do you really need those boundaries?) and challenge them to push those.... but it is taboo to question why someone has certain needs and push them to challenge those (are they really needs or wants?).
The thing is....why we have boundaries is not important unless our motivation is to remove or increase them...nor is why we want certain freedoms unless we are trying to expand or suppress them. The only thing important is that they both exist and we try to find a way to accommodate both in a healthy manner. Sometimes, this simply can't be achieved. Not everything is workable. But that is no reason to throw our hands in the air and surrender...because who knows what we would miss out on in the process and the future is never certain...things and people change
They're probably all thinking, "Damn what a cute mono-leprechaun!"
hehehe