Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Well, I mentioned OKCupid in passing to Seamus the other day and he told me "oh, I still have a profile over there!" and I was interested in checking it out for laughs, but then it turned out it had been deleted.
So, it might take longer than 6 months, but they do delete inactive profiles after a while.
Odd. I'm wondering why I keep having profiles pop into my quiver which have not been visited in 2 YEARS. Not months...YEARS. In fact, I had one which their last visit was in 2006! HELLO! This is 2011. Not 2007. Why the HECK would I want to look at the profile of a person who has not been online in 5 years? Heck.... in the last year or even 6 months. If a person hasn't been on the site in the last month, then fine. Maybe they have been busy. But if they haven't been online in the last SIX months, then maybe they found someone, or aren't looking for some reason anymore. Haven't been on in the last 2 years? Hello! They're not using the site anymore, and are obviously not receiving or are ignoring the e-mails. So, IN MY OPINION.....If the account has not had any activity in 6 months, delete it automatically. It should be in the site program. I've been on a few other sites where that was the norm.
 
At least one picture that is clear, and not of the person in a Halloween costume. Seriously, what is up with that?

I know! I know! LOL

Jeez, and I can't believe how many guys choose a pic of themselves in a Halloween costume as their first picture, so that's the one that goes by in the feed! Come on, man, what kind of shit is that?!!
 
This. ^ Plus, I will never return a message from someone with "Taco" in their username. What is up with that?

Got a message from a guy while I was away. 60% match. Message: "Hello." Delete!
 
I just double checked my profile. Nope...No pics of me in a halloween costume. :D I'm just fugly enough to go without on Halloween. LOL
 
TL, I just looked at your profile. First of all, it says you are "married," not "available." When you set things up, if you put in the stats that you are partnered but looking to date, your status will come up as available. That should help.

2nd, I agree strongly there is way too much mention of how much you love being with your wife on your profile, not nearly enough about how you'd like to spend time with another woman.

I have been married for 20 yrs to my lovely wife who has an account on here as well...

I am looking for someone who gets along with me and my wife...

My wife and I like to take out our 67 Mustang for rides occasionally. We also LOVE to ride our Goldwing. ..

Don't have a favorite food but I love my wife's cooking...

The 6 things I could never do without:

1. My Wife

Typical Friday night...

at winghouse with my wife...

Way too many things about how much you love your wife, not nearly enough about what you can offer another woman! Also, wow, that steamy pic of you and LT making out! Hot, for sure. Not sure if it's gonna attract a date tho...

Plus you list MMA as an interest. If I didn't know you, I'd have no idea what MMA means. You might want to spell it out as mixed martial arts. Then you might interest women who don't do, or watch, martial arts, but might think, "Hm, he's athletic, maybe he has a killer bod. Maybe I'd like to watch him work out..."

Just sayin! lol
 
Reading your questions now. You'd date someone merely because they were "well endowed?" Really? Big tits and no personality and a dead fish in bed, that's OK with you?

You list sex as being more important to you than love. Women might get the idea you just want a sex toy for you and your wife to use as if she were a vibrator or dildo or something...

How often are you open with your feelings? You say, "Rarely." Hm, why do you say that? You're pretty damn open here~!

You seem to require a woman to be always perfectly shaved under her arms and on her legs... sigh. A girl is gonna be fuzzy sometimes, we're mammals. Sometimes we have lives, and get too busy to shave every goddam day.

Now, after my constructive criticism, I will add you are very physically attractive! If it wasn't for our differences in politics and interests, I'd do ya~!
 
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LOL

If a woman doesn't know what "MMA" is, then she's got no interest in it. Therefore, not really an interest in me, as I'm SO into it. I mean, I'm an MMA fighter. If the woman has no idea what it is, it's easy to look it up, but the reality is that she's PROBABLY not what I'm looking for.

My wife and I have been married for 20+ years now. I guess I'm ALWAYS gonna have a lot to say about her. And any woman that is interested in me, will already know that I am married and still be interested. Just as I will speak a lot about my wife to a new woman, I will be speaking a lot about this new woman, to my wife. It's what we do as humans. ;) But I DO understand about the married vs. available thing.Not sure if I'll change it or not.

"Well endowed": Depends on the breasts. LOL I simply am not attreacted to a set of AA cups, or a pair of F's. So....Somewhere in between a B and D is fine with me. However, she would have to have the rest of the package to go with it. (i.e. hair, body match, and SOME sort of mind.) Also, if we ever GET to the bedroom together, and she's a dead fish, the relationship won't last long. ;)

Sex vs. love: Well, I'm a guy. LOL Sex is VERY important. And sometimes, I'm just like any other guy. LOL

Feelings: Well, here, I feel a bit of annonymity. So, I can be as open (or closed) as I wish. But initially, with any woman, I am very closed until I'm sure she's actually interested in ME.

Shaved: If she's out on a date? Yes, take some pride in herself, and be presentable to me. I do the same for her. I would NEVER go out on a date, unshaven and smelly. Hell, with my last GF, she came to my work one day. I'm a mechanic. So I'm FILTHY and stinky. I threw on some cologne, and headed to the bathroom to take a "bath" in the sink. Since I shave daily, it wasn't an issue there, but I WAS filthy. And, I changed my uniform so I was clean. She probably thought I was the cleanest mechanic ever, or I was a supervisor or just didn't REALLY work. LOL But the point is, if we're going out, yes, I want her to be clean and presentable. And that includes smooth pits and legs. If we've been together for a year or so, and possibly even living together, then I can understand a LITTLE prickly going on every now and then....but not all the time. Just a personal preference. You have what you like...I have mine. LOL ;)
 
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TL, it's fine to mention your wife once you have something going with someone and it's part of your conversation, BUT... for a dating profile with the purpose of enticing someone to be involved with a married man, you need to shift the focus more into who you are what you have to offer that person. Right now it's all about your married life. Remember, it's an advertisement!

The guy I started to see online is married and he told me that women have often said to him, "What's in it for me? Why should I date a married man?" So, think about that if you rewrite your profile.

For example, you wrote: "I enjoy going out on a friday or saturday night I am usually going out to watch some MMA, or chilling with my family." It might be better to say, "I'm looking for someone to take out and spend time with on a Friday or Saturday. If you like MMA, we can have some fun watching fights together."

That just changes the focus from saying that maybe there's a place for someone else to squeeze into your already established life, to what you will give them.

I think it's fine where you say, "I am looking for someone who gets along with me and my wife, this is important as I am not leaving her. (and "getting along with my wife" does NOT necessarily mean "sleep with my wife")" BUT move that near the bottom. Really, at the top of the page, you want women's initial reactions to be, "Oh, yeah! He sounds promising!" and NOT "I don't see where I can fit in."

And yes, you would probably benefit from selecting Available instead of Married as your status. Everyone knows that Available doesn't mean single, but you will come up in more searches, I believe.
 
If a woman doesn't know what "MMA" is, then she's got no interest in it. Therefore, not really an interest in me, as I'm SO into it. I mean, I'm an MMA fighter. If the woman has no idea what it is, it's easy to look it up, but the reality is that she's PROBABLY not what I'm looking for.

...

"Well endowed": Depends on the breasts. LOL I simply am not attreacted to a set of AA cups, or a pair of F's. So....Somewhere in between a B and D is fine with me. However, she would have to have the rest of the package to go with it. (i.e. hair, body match, and SOME sort of mind.) Also, if we ever GET to the bedroom together, and she's a dead fish, the relationship won't last long. ;)

So, in reading your profile and Q&As, I, as a woman, see a man who wants me for my big tits, and otherwise offers a night of sitting on the couch watching 2 guys beat each other up, with maybe a ride on his motorcycle from time to time, if his wife lets him off the leash. Hmmm, enticing. :p

Sex vs. love: Well, I'm a guy. LOL Sex is VERY important. And sometimes, I'm just like any other guy. LOL

Hey, Mr Old Fashioned, I'm as much into sex as the horniest male teenager/20something, but I still don't put sex before love, and I know you do not either. So, don't mislead women who are fearful of being used as a blowup doll.

Feelings: Well, here, I feel a bit of annonymity. So, I can be as open (or closed) as I wish. But initially, with any woman, I am very closed until I'm sure she's actually interested in ME.

How can she be interested in YOU if she doesn't get to hear your true feelings about things?

Shaved: If she's out on a date? Yes, take some pride in herself, and be presentable to me.... if we're going out, yes, I want her to be clean and presentable. And that includes smooth pits and legs. If we've been together for a year or so, and possibly even living together, then I can understand a LITTLE prickly going on every now and then.

Wow, big of you. :rolleyes:
 
Beyond all of these other suggestions.. which I agree with as well for the record.

Try and make your profile have more things you like. And then surround those things in [[I like this]] brackets. Its makes matching work better and searching. If some woman is looking for someone in MMA it would place better in the search results.

Do that with everything that is important and you might find other people match better to you as well.
 
Hmmmm, now I think I need to go work on my profile. :) I do need to add more about my interests, some interesting things about my life-- I have only tweaked it once since I put it up but wasn't feeling overly wordy at the time.

I like OKC okay so far, but haven't met anybody yet. I did see a guy that looks promising, so we'll see. I sent a message this weekend-- we'll see.

I'd MUCH rather meet people in person, but unfortunately most of my time right now is spent in places where I can't date people I meet-- namely work and school. School is a no/date situation because I'm in a very small graduate school cluster studying counseling psychology-- and we're in every class together. Dating would not be bueno. And there's only one guy I'd be interested anyway and he's got a girlfriend and is NOT poly, so there you have it. :)

I am trying to keep a more open mind in general, though. I haven't really "dated" in years, so I'm trying not to make any assumptions about people but go on gut feelings and then let it go from there.

I did get to the point of thinking about meeting one guy and then he sent pics, which looked NOTHING like the picture of him on the site (which had some blocked out, but seriously DIFFERENT). And actually the two pics he sent almost looked like two different people his looks were so drastic. And neither one seemed like someone I was attracted to. :-( So I guess that's another thing I don't like... no pictures. I decided after that not to even talk to people that don't have their pic up. To me it means one of two things-- I'm not supposed to be on here, or my looks don't match the description I'm giving you.

I mean, I have headshots... nice ones, I took a bunch, but still, it looks like ME. What you see is what you get. I need to get a full body shot on there, though. I put "average" for my body type, which I think is accurate, but it'd be better to get something up there so it's evident what I look like. I don't like misrepresentations either, even if they're unintentional.
 
I mean, I have headshots... nice ones, I took a bunch, but still, it looks like ME. What you see is what you get. I need to get a full body shot on there, though. I put "average" for my body type, which I think is accurate, but it'd be better to get something up there so it's evident what I look like. I don't like misrepresentations either, even if they're unintentional.

Pics. especially face shots, can look so different its almost scary. There really is an element of being photoaaccurate as a person. Moreso than photogenic.

Body type is a funny one.. I put "a lil extra".. depending on the person and where they come from I could be accurate or lying outright.

Labels are inherently inaccurate :)
 
If only you younger folks could have had the experience of using personal ads in the days before the internet. Just a 3- or 4-line ad in the paper -- no picture -- with a number to call. Listen to the message and try to determine from the sound of their voice if you want to start something up. Talk a little on the phone and arrange a meeting, never knowing what they look like until you get to eyeball each other, other than the description they gave you.

I remember my headline was "Brunette with Brains."
 
If only you younger folks could have had the experience of using personal ads in the days before the internet. Just a 3- or 4-line ad in the paper -- no picture -- with a number to call. Listen to the message and try to determine from the sound of their voice if you want to start something up. Talk a little on the phone and arrange a meeting, never knowing what they look like until you get to eyeball each other, other than the description they gave you.

I remember my headline was "Brunette with Brains."
It's part of the reason why I never used the classifieds. LOL Also, probably part of the reason why a LOT of people view online dating as not a good thing to try or do. (not MY view mind you)I know of one person who had extremely good luck with online dating. In fact, they were so successful that they got married to the person they met online. Also, my wife and I met our last two cpls online....and had a GREAT experience with both of them. So this is a natural progression. ;)
 
Hmmmm.... maybe I should give OKC another try, there has been a lot of great discussion on this thread and I can see where my profile probably scared people away, as I didn't get but 2 responses to it. I was listed as 'married' as I thought 'available' was misleading, but I get it now that it is not. I was and am still hesitant about pictures, tho. We live in a small rural area and we are not 'open' about our relationship being open. I work in a busy income tax office and I would not want my tax clients to know this about me. We do have a profile on a 'swingers' site, with the hopes of finding more poly people than swingers and had some luck with that, and we do have pictures posted there. If a client happened to see my picture there, then I could also say... soooo, what were you doing looking on there?? :p lol But being OKC is also singles, I am still hinky about it.

So, really..... no pictures, no response?? Hmmmmm......
 
It's part of the reason why I never used the classifieds. LOL Also, probably part of the reason why a LOT of people view online dating as not a good thing to try or do. (not MY view mind you)I know of one person who had extremely good luck with online dating. In fact, they were so successful that they got married to the person they met online. Also, my wife and I met our last two cpls online....and had a GREAT experience with both of them. So this is a natural progression. ;)

I had a really nice relationship with someone from the personals back when we had no pictures to go by. We had great conversations on the phone and then dated for about five months and had lots of fun. And my impression of him when I first saw him was that he was gay, because he was so effeminate. But his personality won me over. We even got back together for a month or two after we broke up. Really great guy, just not into commitment, which is what I wanted back then.
 
First of all, you can go in and adjust your settings so that your profile is only viewable by members logged in. Second of all, you can have pics up that show you in shadow, in silhouette, blurred or obscured in some way and then explain why you don't want them public -- then offer to send pics upon request. I've seen lots of profiles like that. It's understandable when you're married. But somehow figure out a way to put the word polyamory or non-monogamy in your profile to make it come up in searches.


Hmmmm.... maybe I should give OKC another try, there has been a lot of great discussion on this thread and I can see where my profile probably scared people away, as I didn't get but 2 responses to it. I was listed as 'married' as I thought 'available' was misleading, but I get it now that it is not. I was and am still hesitant about pictures, tho. We live in a small rural area and we are not 'open' about our relationship being open. I work in a busy income tax office and I would not want my tax clients to know this about me. We do have a profile on a 'swingers' site, with the hopes of finding more poly people than swingers and had some luck with that, and we do have pictures posted there. If a client happened to see my picture there, then I could also say... soooo, what were you doing looking on there?? :p lol But being OKC is also singles, I am still hinky about it.

So, really..... no pictures, no response?? Hmmmmm......
 
I had a really nice relationship with someone from the personals back when we had no pictures to go by. We had great conversations on the phone and then dated for about five months and had lots of fun. And my impression of him when I first saw him was that he was gay, because he was so effeminate. But his personality won me over. We even got back together for a month or two after we broke up. Really great guy, just not into commitment, which is what I wanted back then.
Oh, trust me, I heard of many successful relationships from personal ads. However, I heard WAY more horror stories from them. LOL
 
First of all, you can go in and adjust your settings so that your profile is only viewable by members logged in. Second of all, you can have pics up that show you in shadow, in silhouette, blurred or obscured in some way and then explain why you don't want them public -- then offer to send pics upon request. I've seen lots of profiles like that. It's understandable when you're married. But somehow figure out a way to put the word polyamory or non-monogamy in your profile to make it come up in searches.

I've also dated a couple college professors who didn't have pix up because so many of their students are on OKC. (Here in Mass, it seems every single and poly person is on OKC, because it got its start here.) So, I do not rule out profiles with no pic, as long as it is explained why near the top of their profile, and the person offers to send pix soon after we start chatting.

BTW, I am only posting bad first messages here. I wouldn't post the messages of a guy who actually interested me, because he might be here, or come here eventually. And I've stopped posting about chats or dates with promising men here also, because lately, none of them have worked out, so what is the point? :mad:
 
Ok, my profile now reads "available". So does my wife's. I've actually had like 4 ppl look at my profile since changing it. :D LOL WOW!
 
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