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Old 03-05-2013, 10:56 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Ah, I think I'm understanding better now.

In that case, my advice is somewhat different. When you started dating your wife, did you agree to one day cohabit with her future other partners? If not, then asking for more quality family time is well within the initial polyamorous relationship agreement.

It doesn't sound so much like you're dealing with jealousy or even having a problem with your wife's polyamory in general... rather that this person is just there too much. So make that known. It's your home and you have every right to arrange it in a way that makes you comfortable. The girlfriend has an apartment, your wife can visit her there.

That doesn't remotely mean you're asking your wife to choose between her family and her girlfriend. Spending time with just her husband and kids in no way precludes spending other time with her girlfriend. You're not even requesting that the girlfriend never come over - just that she not come over all the time.

Originally Posted by Matt View Post
Her girlfriend is always around, and there's part of me that wants to tell her to back the hell up in the nicest way possible. Right now, there are days where I don't even want her at our house. At one point, she was there every single day and spending the night. She was spending 28 out of 31 days at our home.
I can relate. That would drive me bonkers. I'm a solitary introvert and I don't like people in my space. My husband is the first person I've ever been able to spend a consecutive week with, without contemplating ways to dispose of the body. Even then, at the end of his three week annual vacation, I can hardly wait for him to go back to work.

The problem with telling my wife my feelings is she's automatically going to feel torn and like she has to make a choice. That's what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I don't want her to feel like she has to choose between me and our family or her girlfriend. She already knows about my intentions of transitioning from a triad back to a Vee. She respects my feelings in that aspect. I won't say that I'm miserable. I'm not by any shot, but I'm happier when her girlfriend isn't around like the plague.
It's nice that you're so caring and compassionate, but sometimes hurting feelings is unavoidable. Your wife sounds understanding - she'll get over it. It's not like you're asking her to break up with her girlfriend... you just want your own home to be your space once in a while. I think everyone will be understanding about that.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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