Marcus
Well-known member
I would need a partner of mine to respect that and to see that "blackout" dates imply that the rest of my life is somehow secondary to their wants and needs.
Most posters, from what I have gathered, are in favor of making this sacrifice in observance of your [OP] partners wishes. In my opinion this insists two things, 1) that you view the idea of sacrifice for your partners comfort to be a noble virtue and 2) that you view everything outside of your partner to be of secondary importance.
I find it rather telling when one partner asks another partner to sacrifice in this manner (VETO or blackout) to suit their preference. It pretty clearly demonstrates that they find their partners lives to be of secondary concern to the "real" relationship. The issue of current or possible relationships is irrelevant imo; it is the fundamental request that says it all. "My insecurities are more important than your living a genuine life"
Honestly, hearing my partner ask me to lock down an aspect of my life because they are going to be busy for a couple of months would launch me into a very explicit conversation with them about their expectations of my behavior (and how much input they believe they have). Unless I hear something really surprising (I can't imagine what that would be) my answer is unequivocally going to be "No, under no circumstances am I going to sacrifice pieces of my life because they make you nervous". But everyone has to make that choice for themselves.
Life gets busy, it gets difficult... is there going to be a new blackout when he gets into his next level of study? What about when he gets his job? What happens when his parents move to town for a few months? Life is tough, asking other people to take care of your feelings for you is not helping anyone. I expect his being busy with studies is a fine excuse to veto your being poly and will search for a new reason once this has passed.
Also, I don't think it's relevant to compare this to a medical condition because one is choice while the other isn't. While I still am against setting rules for other peoples behavior when I'm in a spot of trouble... I do think the gravity of the situation changes the nature of the conversation.
That's just it I don't believe he accepts the fact that she is poly. He is in the process of trying to but he is not there yet.
Truly, marriage sounds like a hilariously bad idea at the moment. Not that I will marry for any reason... but I sure as hell would hit the pause button on this one.