Need help connecting better with my metamour

OnTheCusp

New member
I am married and currently have a BF. BF has a GF. Everyone is poly, though my husband and I are new to it.

I really like my metamour, and she likes me. We've always gotten along well, and do things together without the BF around. She doesn't have a jealous bone in her body and is genuinely happy for our BF and me and our relationship.

BF wants to make sure that GF and I continue to stay relatively close to each other, which in itself isn't a problem at all. What IS a problem is that even though she and are are very similar in temperament and personality, she's even more of an introvert than I am, which is going some. We can sit together in a room and knit without speaking. We go shopping and I'm wracking my brain for things to talk about, which is difficult for me, being an introvert myself.

I'd love to do something with her that's just plain fun, but I can't tell what excites her, or makes her giddy and happy, because she's so low key. I asked BF, and he said he'd have to think about it. I asked her, too, but she hasn't sent an answer as yet.

We've gone out for coffee, had shopping trips, made dinner and watched movies while BF was out with his other (now former) GF.

Does anybody have any thoughts about what else I can do? She's a great girl, and I'm happy to be her friend. I'm just worried that I'm not doing enough.
 
If she's more introverted than you why do you want to do extroverted things with her? You're both happy with quiet activities, so don't spoil them with forced conversation or a search for excitement just because society has decided that only extroverted activities are fun.
 
Only she can answer your question.

As an INTJ I would hate forced socialization.
 
Your boyfriend needs to be thankful you get on as well as you do. Why don't you learn to sit quietly and be satisfied? Why does she have to change?
 
I agree with why try to force extrovert activities on you or her?
If you are both happy sitting and knitting-then sit and knit.

Conversation is great. But silence is too-if it's comfortable.
If you are both comfortable-don't try to fix what's working...
 
Thanks. To be clear, I certainly didn't say anything about trying to force extrovert activities on her. I was simply asking for advice about how to figure out what she likes.

As I said, I'm an introvert, too, but I know that there are things that I find exciting or that I enjoy, and I'd like to know what those things are for her. I'm happy to sit and knit, but was just thinking that there might be more I could do.

We'll figure it out.
 
What about next time you two do an activity together you have her be the one pick the activity? Perhaps she has a hobby you could perform with her to try to get to know her better?

I got to say, while things with my metamour are improving, I am kind of jealous of the great sounding relationship you two have. Kudos to both of you.
 
Presently I'm in a situation where not only does my metamour want girlie bonding time she and her spouse (my husband's metamour) want family bonding time. I'm not ready for it. I feel like I'm getting pushed to do what everyone else wants but not what is comfortable to me. That's when I realized I just have to tell all involved (and really, I should only be telling my husband as my relationship is with him, not them) that I am not ready for this type of interaction at this time.

Don't push her because, speaking from experience, my moments of compersion have disappeared, which may affect her as well. As others within the forum have stated, move at the slowest pace.
 
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