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Old 01-05-2013, 11:31 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,189

Hello Christo,
Welcome to our forum.

It's pretty much unanimous in the poly community that safer sex (e.g. condoms, STI testing, etc.) is a must, and quite reasonable to ask. Other requests have to do with what you can handle (for right now), and that's fine.

Freedom certainly matters, but if you care about another person, and are with that person, you take their wants and needs into account too, and don't just assume that they should be perfectly aligned with what you want.

I think the safe-sex issue is the biggest issue here and requires your immediate attention. You could be putting your own health at risk by playing along with this. Think carefully about what is or isn't worth it.

Safe sex has nothing to do with whether one is "doing something wrong" or not, it is simply a physical reality we have to deal with. Waving it away could result in grim consequences.

I believe it is reasonable of you to ask her to take it slowly, communicate, and check up on how you're doing with it. Make sure you are taking care of you and your own well-being. Don't tie yourself to this relationship if it's going to sink and take you down with it.

Polyamory (and other forms of responsible non-monogamy) can work, but it takes all involved parties working together cooperatively, taking each and every involved party's needs and feelings into account. It can't be just one party doing whatever, while the others just "deal."

She is possibly chafing over freedom she did "not" have in the past, and trying to make up for lost time. But you are not out of place to ask for some reasonable restraints.

I hope this somewhat helps.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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