KT's Blog

KT I think you are a very strong woman. I don't think you give yourself enough credit. It takes a very strong woman to go through what you are going through and still have enough energy to talk about it. Your husband picks well! :)

I don't think I don't understand a mono point of view. I understand that you need to find a path that works for you. That isn't mono or poly. I think that you are right. Either you join in or go your own way. Neither is right or wrong. What is best for you is what should be. And when I say what is best I mean *for you* not for your husband or anyone else. Love him or not, if you are not comfortable, then don't do it.

I think you are on the right path if you are spending time figuring out what you want and becoming actively engaged in your life and achieving a balance rather than making it one sided between kids and husband with no time for you. There is no sustainable future in that I have found. I do the same things you do every day. I understand what its about. I still do my own thing though. I still make time for my stuff. Hopefully if you do too you will have a better idea of what direction you want to go.

Good luck. :)
 
I just don't want to be brushed aside and made to feel as I am of no importance anymore. That his love for me is nothing compared to his for her. It's painful to hear that!

He SAYS that to you?

No wonder you feel the way you do. I would feel that way if someone said that to me. And I'd probably take steps to distance myself from that person because that's just not nice.
 
By now most of you know my story - - - mono with a poly husband of 14 years who has a married, poly GF.

I have been having a very bad, emotional week. I can't seem to get my emotions under control - I feel the same way now that I did months ago. I thought I was gaining acceptance, then it all vanished. I'm sick of feeling like this - but I can't get these feelings of insecurity and doubt out of my head. The pain that I am feeling is gut-wrenching, heart-hurting and overwhelming.

Relationship turmoil comes and goes in waves. I still get hit by the sheer loss of my lover, and its been 6 months. It just gets easier with time, recovery is quicker, sleep comes easier. Its amazing how often you will end up fighting the feelings, especially if you are anything like me, and you can dwell in the past, which can create a real maddening tailspin.

I mention sleep for a reason, I am a natural insomniac, I am "capable" of going days without sleep and during emotional upheaval it is at its worst. The problem is, lack of sleep throws the already slow spinning tailspin into highspeed (think dorothy on crack in the wizard of oz)...If you find you aren't sleeping, take some time to figure out how to sleep, it might help :)

How do you stop feeling like you have been replaced? That the years of committment you have put in still have validity and meaning? When another person comes in and feels as though their relationship with your spouse is deeper, stronger, more meaningful than yours - how do you not feel anger and hurt? How can you trust a person when they minimize or disrespect your place in your own spouses life? I don't minimize what they have - they fell fast and hard and are deeply in love with each other. I understand and accept it - - - I just don't want to be brushed aside and made to feel as I am of no importance anymore. That his love for me is nothing compared to his for her. It's painful to hear that!

Ok...has he really said that? Are those words out of his mouth? Thats really too bad, and I can understand your upheaval...

I am not here to vent, complain or to get into a discussion of why I shouldn't feel this way - because I do feel this way. These feelings are here and they are real. But I want them to go away - I HATE feeling like this! I hate not being able to stop crying! I want to be happy and content in my marriage. I know he loves me - why can't I hold onto that and not onto all of the negative things that come into my mind and heart? I am destroying our marriage with my inability to control my thoughts and emotions. And I do feel out of control. I have never been like this prior to this situation and I hate this feeling.

I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but you have every right to feel what you feel but you have to understand that these are your feelings, you have to own them and take control of them. Regardless of what he said, she does etc. You have to figure out how to take back control.

do you have a way to consistently vent whats happening. And I don't mean to others, but just release it. Journal, art, sports...some way to release what builds up. Might be a good idea to find something of your own that can help you deal with emotional buildup.

Also, and I hate bringing this idea up as I am fairly anti-therapist (sorry to those of you that love them) but have you found someone, irl, preferably unbiased to poly that you can talk to. Maybe a local poly group or poly Councillor...Just another way to consistently have someone to bounce everything off of.
 
I mention sleep for a reason, I am a natural insomniac, I am "capable" of going days without sleep and during emotional upheaval it is at its worst. The problem is, lack of sleep throws the already slow spinning tailspin into highspeed (think dorothy on crack in the wizard of oz)...If you find you aren't sleeping, take some time to figure out how to sleep, it might help :)

Ok...has he really said that? Are those words out of his mouth? Thats really too bad, and I can understand your upheaval...

I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but you have every right to feel what you feel but you have to understand that these are your feelings, you have to own them and take control of them. Regardless of what he said, she does etc. You have to figure out how to take back control.

do you have a way to consistently vent whats happening. And I don't mean to others, but just release it. Journal, art, sports...some way to release what builds up. Might be a good idea to find something of your own that can help you deal with emotional buildup.

Also, and I hate bringing this idea up as I am fairly anti-therapist (sorry to those of you that love them) but have you found someone, irl, preferably unbiased to poly that you can talk to. Maybe a local poly group or poly Councillor...Just another way to consistently have someone to bounce everything off of.

Ari - no, I have not been getting enough sleep. I'm not an insomniac - but I have been getting up in the middle of the night a few nights a week to see my husband when he gets home from work (about midnight) we normally stay up until 2ish then my alarm goes off at 5am. So, yes - I am sure lack of sleep is contributing to my moods. He works evenings Sun - Thursday and we wouldn't see each other those days if I didn't.

No - my husband has not said those things - she has. He says the opposite. He loves me, he wants to be married to me and he's committed to me. He tells me that all the time. I let my insecurities, the fear of the unknown and my fear of change take control of me.

I own my feelings but I can't control them all of the time. That is what I am struggling with. When these feelings come up - I try to not over react but my mind takes hold of them and chews them up until I am emotional wreck.

I tried starting a journal but then stopped. Other than that - no, I don't have an outlet. I also don't have the time as I am a single parent during the week and my days are spent running my kids around.

I do see a therapist once a week who does have some experience with polyamory. However, I only see her once a week and that just isn't enough. And I have not found a polycommunity in my area. I wish there was one!
 
Kat,
I am sure MorningGlory will read this so I am sorry for her but I have to be honest coming from the same seat. I know J would love to believe that dh loves her more because she loves him more than her own husband. But she has never said that he does nor will she ever do so becasue she knows that would cross a line and probably result in loosing him forever. To say those things to the wife is completely disrespectful and uncalled for. If he isn't saying these things then I wouldn't necessarily believe them. I know that is hard. I know it is so easy to fall into the harder more negative things. I have done that many times, especially over the last couple of weeks when I have had to watch DH long for her. It was hard to understand that he doesn't love her more than me. It certainly looked that way.
Those comments come across even more as a homewrecker point of view than someone who is interested in a considerate and open poly relationship. I am sorry if that is too harsh but I know that is what I would see if J said those things.
I know the journal is hard. I have to open my online blog here when my daughter goes to bed and my family isn't around. They don't know about this. None of it. This blog helps me tremendously, especially on the nights he is with J. I get it all out before he comes home for "gush time". I have to say way to go on the therapist. DH is dead set against them.
And yes, lack of sleep makes things worse. It does for me. Especially the nights where the nightmares are so vivid. The nightmares are sometimes worse than reality and I have to remind myself it was just a dream. I am still here when you need me. I will be on tonight I am sure. He will be with J tonight for their reunion after their break. I don't even want to think of how intimate and rekindling that will be. So I will be between this site and my book I am reading.
 
Kat,
I am sure MorningGlory will read this so I am sorry for her but I have to be honest coming from the same seat. I know J would love to believe that dh loves her more because she loves him more than her own husband. But she has never said that he does nor will she ever do so becasue she knows that would cross a line and probably result in loosing him forever. To say those things to the wife is completely disrespectful and uncalled for. If he isn't saying these things then I wouldn't necessarily believe them. I know that is hard. I know it is so easy to fall into the harder more negative things.

Those comments come across even more as a homewrecker point of view than someone who is interested in a considerate and open poly relationship. I am sorry if that is too harsh but I know that is what I would see if J said those things.

To be fair to Morningglory - these were not things that she said to me. She said those things in a text she sent to my husband and which he shared with me during an intimate conversation we were having the other night. The fact that a) he told me and b) I used her words on here upset her a lot and she sent me a text yesterday telling me. That is why I deleted my original post - I can't do anything about the others. She does have a right to privacy and I shouldn't have posted that. She's also upset that he shared her personal info with me. It's hard because him and I are best friends and tell each other everything. Her text bothered him enough that he talked to me and our therapist about it then to her. That is not how he feels - he does not view me as an obligation nor her as his soulmate. That is not meant to sound harsh - he hates that word and doesn't use it to describe either of us. He loves us both - equally but differently. My reason for posting that thread was that I was extremely hurt that she thought he felt that way. That she was minimizing our marriage and my importance in his life. Her and I talked for a few hours last night - and got our feelings out. I just wish her and I could stop being catty with each other and stop competing for his love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. She's here and not going anywhere. He loves us both. Why can't we both just get over it and move on? It's frustrating! I just don't know how to stop hurting, and start believing and trusting.

ar - thanks for your support - we are both in positions that few others are. I think being a mono wife trying to accept her husband is poly and has a girlfriend - is extremely difficult. I'll pm you this weekend. MG and I were talking until 10:30 and I was too emotionally drained to pm you last night! You'll do great tonight and he'll come home to you in a great, loving, appreciative mood! ;)

Kat
 
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I tend to have a "simplistic" view at times and prefer "simple" answers to complex questions. I know when I do get "simplistic" I get looks of, "is she crazy!?" and "she just doesn't understand"...yet, simple answers sometimes are the best.

I just wish her and I could stop being catty with each other and stop competing for his love.

So do it. You can only control your own actions and reactions. So do it. Don't be catty. Stop competing. It's the same thing when an arguement becomes a shouting match. All it takes is for one person to stop and wait. Person two may take some time to realize that they won't get anywhere by shouting, but they eventually do as long as you just sit and wait. No looks of "get over yourself" or rolling your eyes. If one person says something "catty" don't respond back in kind.

This can go for both of you. Realize when things are starting to head toward the "catty" and competing, and then stop. Take a deep breath. If you realize that you are being "catty" then accept it, say to yourself, at the least, "Dang it! I'm being catty again." Then take that breath and try again. Doing it outloud may help even more though as you both will start to see that you are able to control your reactions and willing to do so.

I did say I was into "simple" answers. This is true, the answer is simple, just do it...the practice of it may not be as simple. I wish you both, all three of you actually, the best of luck.

BTW: is DH on here as well? I can't keep track sometimes.
 
I tend to have a "simplistic" view at times and prefer "simple" answers to complex questions. I know when I do get "simplistic" I get looks of, "is she crazy!?" and "she just doesn't understand"...yet, simple answers sometimes are the best.

So do it. You can only control your own actions and reactions. So do it. Don't be catty. Stop competing. It's the same thing when an arguement becomes a shouting match. All it takes is for one person to stop and wait. Person two may take some time to realize that they won't get anywhere by shouting, but they eventually do as long as you just sit and wait. No looks of "get over yourself" or rolling your eyes. If one person says something "catty" don't respond back in kind.

This can go for both of you. Realize when things are starting to head toward the "catty" and competing, and then stop. Take a deep breath. If you realize that you are being "catty" then accept it, say to yourself, at the least, "Dang it! I'm being catty again." Then take that breath and try again. Doing it outloud may help even more though as you both will start to see that you are able to control your reactions and willing to do so.

I did say I was into "simple" answers. This is true, the answer is simple, just do it...the practice of it may not be as simple. I wish you both, all three of you actually, the best of luck.

BTW: is DH on here as well? I can't keep track sometimes.

vandalin - thank you for giving me something to consider. I am an emotional person. When I get hurt, angry, resentful - I tend to become an emotional mess, cry, yell - then think it through. I have the headache and sore eyes today to prove it! I can't seem to get myself to decompress first, then think things through and respond. That is the one thing I am working on.

DH reads posts on here - but has not yet responded to or posted any himself. I am encouraging him to do so. We ALL have things to learn and work on. I get the feeling from them that they want me to do all the learning and growing so I'll accept their relationship. They need to realize that they can learn things on here to understand me better - if they approach it with an open mind like I am trying to do. MG has been doing that somewhat - but my DH hasn't.

Kat:)
 
Hi Mono - I can't speak for MG - but I have been told by both MG and my DH that her husband knows what is going on, but doesn't want to know who, what (details) or where. DH and I both have met him several times - but as a friend and coworker of hers. I'll let MG elaborate if she wants. ;)

And can I just say that you rock?!? I love reading your posts and have learned so much from you! You are always the voice of reason and you give hope to monos! Redpepper is one very lucky woman!
 
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but doesn't want to know who, what (details) or where.

Redpepper is one very lucky woman!

Hopefully MG will elaborate. A partner not wanting that information may indicate overall denial which means you are farther away from a calm sustainability than maybe even you thought.

Whether Redpepper is a lucky lady is up for debate....I'm extremely mono which still poses it's challenges. I can be quite the prudish freak :rolleyes:
 
the reason it works Mono is because we practice a whole lot of compersion.... we burst with it. You burst with it. There is nothing we wouldn't do for each other to make our lives better and more happy. There is no competition, only support of one another.

I agree with Vandalin, stop the catty train and start thinking of ways to do nice things for each other. Even the threesome idea is looking better to me :p Perhaps the two of you could do some things that are nice for you man and nice for each other....

for example, I just came home to the lawn being mowed. Mono did it so Nerdist doesn't have to worry about it and neither do I. Last night Mono babysat so we could go to our monthly poly met. Nerdist spends endless nights at home with our boy and I make sure he gets his own time out, think of things for our family to do together, and make sure we are moving forward to some kind of happy future together.... that and I dish out a lot.... in more ways than one;)

compersion. perhaps this is what is lacking.
 
Perhaps the two of you could do some things that are nice for you man and nice for each other....

for example, I just came home to the lawn being mowed. Mono did it so Nerdist doesn't have to worry about it and neither do I. Last night Mono babysat so we could go to our monthly poly met. Nerdist spends endless nights at home with our boy and I make sure he gets his own time out, think of things for our family to do together, and make sure we are moving forward to some kind of happy future together.... that and I dish out a lot.... in more ways than one;).

I support this idea. I know J and I try to do nice things for each other. But there is still the insecurities I feel being the mono in my relationship that got caught in a polyamorous marriage I never intended to have when I got married. For Mono, does this always work for you? Do you or Nerdist ever feel like this isn't enough? Sorry if I am stirring the pot. I know I feel good when i do nice things for J. She is my friend, but that doesn't exactly cure the knots that I constantly seem to have in my stomach.
 
Do you or Nerdist ever feel like this isn't enough?.

I am very certain when I answer this. I have never felt like the time I get with Redpepper is not enough. Our time balance ebbs and flows, I would always welcome more but I do not feel like I am lacking. That being said I am a very solitary person in many ways. I like my alone time and when she is with Polynerdist I know she is safe and their relationship is hopefully being fostered. When she is with Derby I know she is with someone I care about as well and is genuine in her feelings for Redpepper.

Here's the big thing - I was in a traditional mono marriage for a very long time. I don't feel like I am missing that part of my life as I already had it. If I didn't have that background I highly doubt this would have become so deep. I'm quite certain I would have wanted all the family, social and instant community acceptance that comes with monogamy. This is one of the big reasons I struggle with the idea of a person entering into a relationship with a married person before they get to experience what the vast majority has. There is the "grass is greener" idea that I believe will raise it's head. I've been on both sides of the grass. That's life experience that can't be explained but has to be experienced to be understood.

I'm missing nothing..I've experienced it all and loved what I had in the past and what I have today. I'm happy and healthy in what we have.
 
To be fair to Morningglory - these were not things that she said to me. She said those things in a text she sent to my husband and which he shared with me during an intimate conversation we were having the other night. The fact that a) he told me and b) I used her words on here upset her a lot and she sent me a text yesterday telling me. That is why I deleted my original post - I can't do anything about the others. She does have a right to privacy and I shouldn't have posted that. She's also upset that he shared her personal info with me. It's hard because him and I are best friends and tell each other everything. Her text bothered him enough that he talked to me and our therapist about it then to her. That is not how he feels - he does not view me as an obligation nor her as his soulmate. That is not meant to sound harsh - he hates that word and doesn't use it to describe either of us. He loves us both - equally but differently. My reason for posting that thread was that I was extremely hurt that she thought he felt that way. That she was minimizing our marriage and my importance in his life. Her and I talked for a few hours last night - and got our feelings out. I just wish her and I could stop being catty with each other and stop competing for his love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. She's here and not going anywhere. He loves us both. Why can't we both just get over it and move on? It's frustrating! I just don't know how to stop hurting, and start believing and trusting.

Kat and MG,
I'm sorry if I passed judgement too quickly. It is so easy to do being not only a Mono Wife myself but one that has been cheated on and betrayed and coming off some horribly rifts in her own marriage where there were indeed women who were homewreckers and tried to get him to leave me. J has never been one of them. Please do not mistake that. She has been gentle and patient through this whole thing and given me my space. When she put my needs above her own the other night and sent my husband home to me even though I insisted she shouldn't do that because that would only prolong all our pain. She didn't listen, but in a very intelligent way. And we were all so very happy over it. She made sure DH understood the situation and made sure he knew she would give him time, but he needed to show me I was still loved first. And that has made a big difference to me. I just can't think of her as someone trying to hurt my marriage. Just someone who fell in love and couldn't help it.
MG I am sorry if I am pushy about how you are dealing with your part of the situation. J has become one of my best friends. And it hasn't been easy. I do hope you can find a way to become just as good of friends with Kat. My husband love grows for both of us, I know it does for me, when he sees we can turn to each other, and not just him. He knows that he doesn't have the best patience with me and is short with my bad days and neediness. But J steps in when he isn't able to keep his head on straight. I think things like that is going to be what pulls me through in the end.
J and I plan lunch dates, where we don't really even talk about DH. We talk about our kids and our jobs and our favorite drinks. And books. And this website. She use to be on it back when she first started this lifestyle. She opens up about him only when I ask. Because she knows I am sensitive and when I am ready for an answer or a comment I will come to her. She waits and just talks about everything else, including her own marriage until I am ready for a question or two. If she has a question about DH she opens it each time with asking if she may ask something, just to make sure I am ok with the topic at the time.
I don't know if this is what you two need. But it works for us. And I think she now knows more about me than any of my other friends. She is even at the point where she can pick up my moods through text and knows how to handle me through the day like that. You can build to that. It just takes alot of compromise and it does take more patience than you could ever imagine on the part of the girlfriend. Good Luck.
 
ak - thanks ok - I guess I wasn't clear that she didn't actually say those things to me, but to my husband. You responded with the information you had.

I think it is great that you and J have a great relationship - I am sure that it helps things go more smoothly. Hopefully we will get to that point sometime in the future. We try, are good for a while, then have a blow up. I'm tired of it and I am sure that she is too!

Good night!
 
Mono- yes the hubs knows I am poly and in this relationship with Kat and P. He is however not interested in exploring poly but rather ok with me being me. He doesn't like all of the drama I have been through this year and absolutely does not want that for himself. He went with me to the relationship counselor that Kat and P and I have been seeing during the last major blow-up, and though he was there with me to offer support he just completely did not have the tools to handle my emotions at that point. He had never seen me so upset or vulnerable. But he waited for me in the waiting room. Held my hand there and back and when we got into bed that night he just held me and let me cry. I am usually the strong one, the pillar so to speak. Seeing me like that scared him but also let him step in and be there for me. It brought us closer. The reason he said he does not want to know ANYTHING is because he doesn't want jealousy to enter into our relationship. We already have had enough stressors in life over the years: 4 children (teens now); taking care of my elderly parents, the death of his father; job requirements often long-distance stretches of being apart; now a layoff and changing that part of his life(which he is excited about now. It was a battle to get him to look at life in a different way, so often a man's identity is his occupation); our own coupledom bickering with finances and mundane chores. Really he is a very confident, mature man who knows what he wants. At times for me his methods seem too reserved or removed, but really he is just processing it in his own way. So he has his own life expectations. Poly isn't one of them. He is easing into accepting me entering into an outside relationship. He has made no restrictions other than- Don't ask, don't tell. Not denial just his emotional machinations for accepting. For now, that is okay. But I think he will eventually be okay with better knowing and developing a relationship with 2R and Kat. It is a process and he is a methodical person. I think if Kat and I were in a better place PB and 2R would be able to develop their relationship easier. Mono- I had to laugh at your fish tank analogy: I am so the crazy bucket race to the finish and he (and BF) are a lot more let it settle before we continue. We are a great balance because depending on the circumstances sometimes my way is beneficial because shit needs done quickly; most times his/and 2R's methodology is best because it is honestly less chaotic. I am in a good place in my life for the most part. And I was serious when I said I am trying to reign in the passionate responses and be less greedy. Hard as hell for my Aries personality! LOL:D
 
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AK- I don't think anyone on here is intentionally judgemental but sometimes a post gets answered before all parties have had their say (at least in my experience). I think there are some very strong opinions on here and most poly (and some mono) aren't afraid to voice dissenting opinions. I am not usually ruffled by disagreement, I am ruffled by people posting an opinion without asking probing questions. This forum is mostly about very intimate, emotional subject matter, and often a post is coming from some primal place in our emotional gut. Often I do not answer Kat unless she asks for it because she needs to vent and get opinions other than mine and 2R's. The post she deleted recently was deleted because instead of sniping on here I called her to talk the issue through. I wish she would have done that first but for whatever reason she needed to get some feed back on here first. (Not sarcasm or being catty-just the way I speak-if someone has a better way of saying that I am sure you will let me know;)) I told her that 2R and I had a conversation about our feelings and quite honestly that was a private conversation. He felt the need to calm her in some way and intimated our exchange. While I wish he would not have done that, he did and that is spilled milk so no use in complaining. I did take issue with it being on here without she and I having a conversation first. You can imagine if every verbal exchange you have had with your lover is recorded and posted here. Not always a good thing especially in this case. I am ok with where we went with it after the post and I think Kat and I are at a better understanding on the matter. The deletion was a nice gesture but not necessary because everyone commented already. But it was really a heartfelt gesture so I accept it.
Ak/Mono/Kat- we may be on opposite sides of the poly/mono life but we are I think generous spirits in general and we understand when someone is hurting she/he needs a friend to talk to who will listen and understand the situation. So when you or Kat or Tiny(even Mono, not saying you are girly)- share a feeling I am not offended. You actually help me understand the two monos in my life. I do get bitchy when I am painted in a negative light because I am not coming from anywhere that is intentionally hurtful or manipulative. I am not a deceitful person. Sometimes I am too direct and often that can come off as obnoxious or intimidating. I have never been more vulnerable or open with two people as I have with Kat and 2R. So sometimes if I am coming off as disrespectful it is often a reaction to Kat or 2R hurting my feelings in some way just prior to that possibly on another thread or in a text or some other perceived slight. Kat and I have, as I told Ari, very water/oil personalities. We have to shake it up often to keep it from separating the relationship altogether. Then again maybe in the end, that will be how it needs to be. I am HOPING not.
 
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Ak thank you for your post about J and you. This was exactly what is the attitude I am suggesting should be strived for. You say it is a compromise but I would hope you see it as compersion.

J felt compersion when she sent your husband home. She is acting with empathy, caring, respect and love for you both. All of which are acts of compersion.

Compromise is when you feel you need to give something up in order to have something close to your way, poly people strive for more love, not compromised love I think.

It sounds like you are gaining a wonderful friend at the same time as another support and person who loves your husband. This is not compromise, this is a result of compersion. You said it yourself, you don't blame her for falling in love. It sounds like you are well on your way to stability and are working through the changes that need to occur to get there. Good for you!

Thanks for saying more on what I said, even if you didn't mean to. :)
 
It sounds like you are gaining a wonderful friend at the same time as another support and person who loves your husband. This is not compromise, this is a result of compersion. You said it yourself, you don't blame her for falling in love. It sounds like you are well on your way to stability and are working through the changes that need to occur to get there. Good for you!

:)

I agree totally with the idea that compersion is developing here. Sending the husband home was a very big thing in my opinion. I can't remember the specifics of the instance but there was a night that Polynerdist encouraged Redpepper to stay with me because we had some unfinished processing to due or I needed support in some way.

I am feeling a sense of compersion for both Redpepper's girlfriend and Polynerdist's new interest. I think Redpepper actually got annoyed with me because I was "telling" her how to be a good girlfriend to Derbylicious LOL!
In fact I was merely acting on the genuine concern I have for what they are developing and for each of them as individuals.

Compersion is real and once you feel it you recognize it. But again it hinges on genuine concern for the people involved and acceptance for what they have...all of them. You can fake being nice to someone externally but you can't fake compersion because compersion is something that you feel internally. Once you feel it it influences how you feel about your partner's partner. It makes you act out of concern for what they have...it is essentially an extension of your love through your partner into their partner. When you do that there is only fulfillment and joy, not hurt and emptiness.

If all people can't come together and face the relationship, compersion is unobtainable from my perspective. As always it comes down to what you want. If you want deep integration, family inclusion and openness...expect to work and strive for compersion...otherwise I believe you are merely prolonging pain that would best be dealt with sooner than later.
 
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