Peace and joy and love

My guess is that you are left with residual psychic sludge that was just "in the air" there. There were probably a lot of people there who didn't feel like they fit in, and didn't want to get undressed, but who did it anyway because they thought that they would then feel like they fit in. Likely lots of uncomfortable folks comparing themselves, hoping to be seen as "open-minded," and seeking approval. When people who flaunt that kind of stuff create an energy that leaves others around them feeling icky about themselves or the situation, it usually means that those people are more insecure and unsure of themselves than everyone else. I get the sense that before you were kind of immersed in that environment, you were perfectly fine with yourself. Shake it off, it isn't your stuff! If you're into smudging or some other way to get rid of toxic energy, I bet you'd feel a lot better. How about treating yourself to a nice herbal face mask, foot scrub, or bubble bath!
bingo. :) Derby, I would be okay if NYCindie were my metamour :D
 
I was only there for a workshop and no longer. It wasn't my scene. Its made me worry about the camp we are going to at the end of the summer now. To me polycamp is about meeting new people, learning their stories and feeling that loving bond of community. I noticed this happening, but there was an over lying feeling of sex, nudity, and trying to fit in with the in crowd along with that. Meh, good for some I guess. :) It made it hard to do a workshop successfully as it was right in your face. HA! Ya..... not what I expected. I thought there was a section for that. Learning curve on this one maybe?
 
I'm going to have a little vent today. One of my (former?) best friends back home got married over the weekend. It was a surprise wedding and being that we live very far away I'm not surprised that we weren't invited. Her husband is someone who I don't care for at all. I wish I could be happy for her but I can't find it within myself to feel any kind of positive emotions for this wedding.

I don't know if that means that the friendship should just be over now and we should go our separate ways. It makes me sad to think that I'm allowing someone to come between us. We've been friends since high school. I haven't forgiven her yet for cheating on her previous spouse (whom I've also known since high school) and telling me about it before she told him (and also asked me not to say anything).

Her new husband likes to twist things around to serve his best interests. He has taken things that my husband and I have said to him in the past and made it sound like we don't care about our friend. It seems to me that he wants to drive a wedge between my friend and any remnants of her past life. I'm not sure if I'm just holding on now so as to not let him win. The thing is that it's not doing me any service to hang on to this friendship.

I know that this isn't a poly post but I really don't have anywhere else to vent about this. I'd just really like to stop caring so much about what she's doing. It has pretty much 0 effect on my day to day life after all.
 
That stinks Derby. Maybe it's more about the "wrongness" factor than whether or not it affects your everyday life. To see someone taken in by a person who is -- well, less than honest or who is manipulative-- is hard to take, even if that friendship is less than stellar.

Only you can figure out if the friendship is worth hanging onto, but I totally get the frustration factor. :-(
 
I've hidden my friend's status updates from my facebook feed while I figure out what I want to do. It's not healthy for me emotionally to continue on the way I have been for the last year though. I'm hoping that having some distance from the reminder of the betrayal of her ex husband (another good friend of mine) will help me to let bygones be bygones.

I don't expect to ever like her new husband but one of the things I've learned from poly is that I don't have to like everyone in the lives of people who are important to me, I just need to be polite and respectful. I think I can do that (as long as he doesn't call my intergrety into question again).

I'm going to give it 6 weeks and see how I feel after that. For the next couple of weeks it's vacation time and I'm not going to think about it at all! :D
 
I'm sitting here feeling rather annoyed about things that have nothing to do with me again. I know that it's not my place to say anything about relationships that have nothing to do with me. I feel that my husband is being treated unfairly and isn't being made a priority in his girlfriend's life. If it were me I think I would be cutting ties.

If someone needs that much time and space to work on other stuff maybe they simply don't have time or energy for another relationship. I hate to see my husband waiting around though. He deserves better. He deserves someone who is going to care about him and be there when he needs something.

Some of this is probably left over from a previous relationship that I was in where I wasn't a priority. Looking back on that relationship I know now that walking away much sooner would have saved me a lot of pain. Constant rejection isn't good for one's self esteem.
 
I went downtown today to watch RP sing. She did a great job with her solo! Other than that it's been a nice quiet Sunday. I'm glad that I still have one more day off before going back to work.
 
I went downtown today to watch RP sing. She did a great job with her solo! Other than that it's been a nice quiet Sunday. I'm glad that I still have one more day off before going back to work.

You and your daughter looked great! Very summery..summerery...nice summer dresses!
 
What I'm seeing lately (in more than one place) is everything being about ME ME ME all the time. To me a part of poly is empathy towards how your actions effect other people. Of course everyone is an autonomous being with free will but we are all also interconnected and should have the basic decency to treat others in the way that we, ourselves, would like to be treated.

I'm tired of hearing how someones desires/wants/problems come before those of everyone else. We all have our own shit going on all the time that we have to deal with. It doesn't negate our responsibilities in our relationships to treat those in our lives with compassion.

Mono has a phrase he uses, extended consideration. I like the spirit of that phrase. I find it good to keep in mind how what I want or do will effect not only my loves but also their loves. It works even better when a group of people employ the same principle.

So be excellent to each other...and party on dudes!
 
I have, taped to my work monitor, my favourite fortune that I've ever pulled out of a fortune cookie.

"Do onto others as you would have them do onto you."

Fantastic typo, don't you think?? ;)
 
It's been such a nutty week. Change seems to be afoot. Maybe it's a September thing. September is one of those times for new starts and for new things to happen. Although nothing is directly happening to me I am feeling the ripples from the changes around me.

On Wednesday evening my husband and his girlfriend ended their romantic relationship and that same night a friend of mine broke up with her partner as well. In both cases these were relationships where the people involved were not going in the same direction. It happens and it sucks, especially when there is still a great deal of caring for each other. It's much easier to break something off when you've been wronged or if you've come to a place of no longer liking each other. But to break up because you know it's the kindest thing to do for both of you is a hard place to be.

I do wonder if my husband's relationship ending is partially my fault. I didn't always behave or react in a pleasant manner towards his gf. It was a first time thing for me and I was learning. Things I wasn't expecting would come up for me and I have a tendency to react to emotions before thinking them through first. I did try to stay out of things almost all together once I figured out that there wasn't much of a chance that the 2 of us would ever be good friends. There are things I know about myself now and I hope that I have the skills now to be able to see an issue coming and talk about it before it blindsides me with jealousy.

There's also a great deal of turbulence in my roller derby league. I think we're still experiencing growing pains. Eventually it will all shake out and (hopefully) most members of the league will be happy again. As long as I get to skate I'm not sure I care what happens politically. Although I would like for everyone in the league to be respectful towards one another again.

I went out with RP last night for a much needed light and fun date night. We got to play dress up and go to a movie. I'm so thankful for her. I have someone in my life who is just as willing as I am to go out and be silly. I appreciate her energy so much.
 
I read this blog posting yesterday: http://kitoconnell.com/2011/09/30/kiki-polysexy/ and I had an emotional gut reaction to it. I read it and felt sad. It seems to me that as long as we continue to hilight the differences between different poly people the more those differences will seem to be "real".

When I talk to people in the general public, friends who aren't poly, I talk to them about what my lived experience is and how I approach poly. For me poly is very much about family and building a secure base of mutual consideration. So for me in my life it isn't all about the sex. I have people in my life who are part of my chosen family who I am in no way sexual or romantic with.

I also reacted to the perception that because I may not be willing to engage in more casual liasons that somehow I wish to stop others from doing the same. I know where my need to be in a very trusting place before engaging in sex comes from, it's something I could work on but I really am ok being the way I am. I just don't want to place myself in situations where more casual encounters are likely to be encouraged or expected because *I* feel threatened by it (unfortunately especially when these advances are made by men). If it's something people enjoy doing and everyone comes away happy from it I'm happy for them. There are a lot of things sexually that I don't get but it doesn't mean that I don't want others doing it or talking about it.

As for the public perception and the court case in BC. The case is going to affect those who are living together with more than one partner. Therefore these people are more like the family model. So it makes sense when talking to people who have some power over the laws to explain to them how little lives with 3 or more adult partners don't differ that much from those with 2 adult partners. There isn't any law saying who or how many people you can engage with at once if you aren't living together. So dating (even being married and dating) isn't even on the radar of what the law is about.

So is poly about sex, yes it is about sex but it isn't ALL about sex and therein lies the difference.
 
Happy birthday Derby
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(I couldn't resist the licky guy, I stole it from NYCindie... she left if for me on my blog :D heh, cute isn't it?)
 
It is cute...thank you for making my birthday extra special yesterday.:D
 
I went to women's group yesterday and I have to say I'm a little envious of those in the group who have sex 2-5 times a day! Admittedly I don't have time for 5 times a day (or the desire for it either). But once a day would be nice for sure ;):D. Got to turn off those electronic devices more often I think.
 
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