Taking it to the next level

PolyinPractice

New member
It's kind of weird; in monogamy, one goes from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend to spouse. In poly, you just get more entwined.

What I'm really curious about is how you moved from the "boyfriend/girlfriend" phase to the "spouse" phase.

Especially if your partner was already married/living with a partner....
 
Shrug... Went the same way as when I was in a monogamous relationship.
 
As someone who never "dated" I'm curious to hear other replies myself.

For me it goes - I'm friends with someone, I start sleeping with them, then we realize that we spend so much time with each other that we are "practically" living together (I prefer "staying in" to "going out"), so then we declare that we are "officially" living together and there you go...(I lived with MrS for 4 years before we got married...Dude doesn't seem the "ceremony" type...) It's worked out great - all both times:D

I'm curious as to how it will go with Lotus - she has a home with her husband but comes down several times a month and spends a 2-5 day stretch with us. She can bring her dogs if she needs to, she has her own place for her "stuff", she is not a "guest" when she is here - she is, what, temporary family?:rolleyes: If she lived closer I could see more of a even time split but they live an hour away:cool:.
 
I guess I should clarify. Not all poly relationships need to be lifetime commitments. I'm just discussing the ones that are.

@LR, I was looking forward to hearing replies to. Pardon me, I forget youneighborhoodr setup. But you have at least two life partner s?

@Dagferi, I'm not questioning your situation. But you're saying there was no issue when you and Murf decided to be husband and wife? Butch just said, oh, that's cool? And your friends and family? I mean, that sounds pretty awesome. Just didn't expect to get that response.
 
@Jane, I always thought making friends, sleeping with them, then spending time together WAS dating :)

That is an excellent point! But...since I wasn't "looking for" romantic relationships, it took me by surprise when it turned that direction.:p
 
Well for me I met C first and he and I both had goals of a family. I met H a few months after I started dating C, but we didn't become romantically involved for years. H and I actually became a couple around the time C and I got engaged. For the three of us nothing would have changed if H and I would have been dating back when I was single because H has no desire for marriage or a family.
 
I do have two partners. We have lived together for 11 or so years. Poly 4.5 yrs. married to Maca 15 yrs, together 16, known each other 26. Gg and I have been best friends 21 yrs and on again off again lovers (fwb?) since year two. He hasnt dated anyone but me in 15 yrs.
So Im not sure how to classify that confusion.
Gg helped raise my oldest who is 22. So did Maca once he entered the picture. We co-parented the others since birth (the 3 of us)....
 
@Dagferi, I'm not questioning your situation. But you're saying there was no issue when you and Murf decided to be husband and wife? Butch just said, oh, that's cool? And your friends and family? I mean, that sounds pretty awesome. Just didn't expect to get that response.


Nope there was no issue. Butch is the one who one day said you know you have 2 husbands. He just is happy for me.

I really don't give a damn what friends and family think. They either accept it our not. Those who don't like it do not need to be apart of my life.
 
I wouldn't call both my guys husband, cause im only married to one. but having them both as primaries just kind of happened...and thye both know. J and I discussed, he became comfortable...they both know id like to live closer ;)
 
Nate has told me that he feels like sam is taking a second husband role and has jokingly called me his " time share wife". Sam bought a ring that he wears in his ring finger and we've talked of having a child when im done with school. Ita been fairly new but I've known sam a couple years and we have this amazing connection. We had a very condensed first 6 weeks where he spent fri evening to tue morning with me while nate was away. I know that I want to be with him forever and live with him part time until the day he moves in here (which wont be for 3+ years but nate is fine with that)
 
I've got a gf, miss pixi. We commuted between cities 20 miles apart for 4 years before we took the plunge of moving in together last May.

I've got a bf, Ginger. He lives near our new house, in his house, with his wife of 25 years. He kind of feels like our "husband." miss p loves him too but isn't in love, it's more a FWB thing. What makes him feel more spouse-like is how, now that he's only 5 miles away, we (or at least I) see him about every other day. Also his main love language (besides sex) is acts of service, so he's always helping us with home maintenance chores we have difficulty doing.

What do you mean, you have a "lame metamour"?
 
What do you mean, you have a "lame metamour"?

According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....
 
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....

I guess it kind of depends where everyone is in life.

Chops, Xena, and I are in our 40s... done with children (I have two, he has two, she has none), and have our own various independent streaks. He and Xena have handfasted, and he and I have done the same.

If Xena suddenly decided she wanted children and Chops agreed, I'd bow out of the relationship. The amount of time a child requires would impact my relationship with Chops enough that, for me, it would be unsustainable.

If Chops met someone else and wanted another lifelong entanglement, I'd probably bow out as well, because again, the amount of time left for us would leave our partnership unsustainable (for me).

If your metamour is resistant to you having a closer entanglement with your partner, it'd be best to understand why. What is she afraid of losing? Figuring out the reasons why would help determine if it's workable or not.
 
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....

It happens...mine, well. they aren't really even together anymore, not because of us. But if they reconnect, get back together etc., she wouldn't like how entwined he has become in my life and that of my spouse and kids. he's like family to us, she never would be (they have no children). Im not sure he and I would carry on as primaries if they became primaries again, I cant relate to, talk to, or exist with her on a plane like that. So maybe I'd suck in that situation? lol.
 
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....

I've seen that quite a bit, one of the reasons I mostly dated monogamous men. I really dont want to deal with a metamour
 
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