Personal Summaries

Greetings from Canada!

Hi there! I am 43 and I have been in a common law relationship with my poly partner for 9 1/2 years. We have 4 kids - my daughter is the youngest, and she has 3 sons, all older (they've graduated HS, my daughter is in gr. 12).

I am the monogamous half of our relationship; we have an inside joke that I am poly-flexible - meaning that while I have all the usual angst about her seeing other people, I 'get' poly in the sense that I understand that it's an orientation, and it's not about any inadequacy in me.

I am here to learn more, and tap this community for advice and support. I haven't had a chance yet to explore all the forums, but I am hoping to find others with experience in my situation - from both sides of the equation.
 
I feel I should post here first but I'm not great at these things when first typing them so I will likely edit later! ;)

I've been polyamorous in an emotional sense since before I can remember. That was difficult. I've been polysexual since I was sexually active. (I don't always separate those two things but sometimes it's useful).

I'm in a very long term marriage. We used to date together years ago, then closed the relationship (though I always stayed emotionally open). For a period we were mono-poly, with him being the monogamous half. Now we are fully open again with me having the same more emotionally based relationships I've had for years and him experiencing everything as "new again", both of us with more knowledge.

I work and commute A Lot. I have a physical/mental issue that affects my energy levels and makes the work/commute a situation of working then recovering to work. I like movies, music, my loved ones, self sufficiency, old things, a bunch of other mundane things, and a bunch of off the wall stuff I would only reveal to close friends.

I'm here to process our "new" situation. It's been years I've been on a poly forum. I've tried to get out to local groups but it appears I can't commit enough time vs energy to get out.
 
JC in Detroit

Hi, I'm a thirty-something year old woman who loves to be outside, to be silly, to teach and to learn, and to develop relationships. My husband and I have been married five years. I recently brought up the idea of being polyamorous because I am constantly finding myself getting close to other guys. I enjoy getting to know people; I love to talk, and I love to flirt. I wanted a way to be able to explore this without having to lie to him. I've messed up a lot of relationships by cheating and have always struggled with the fact I hurt those I love the most. We decided that polyamory might be a good fit as I would like to have these other connections and he would like to explore some things outside of my somewhat vanilla comfort zone. We function great as a team and individually and have definitely improved our communication skills lately. So here I am in. We are still in negotiating stages, and trying to figure out how to meet other people who are like minded.
 
I'm a grad student in her mid 30s. Xicot, a computer programmer in his mid 30s, and I have been friends since our late teens, have dated for the last nine years, and live together.

Xicot realized a couple of months ago that he was having non-fleeting romantic and sexual feelings for a woman he had stayed in contact with after meeting at a conference and asked how I felt about the possibility of him pursuing another partner. (Cue four days of freaking out on my part, followed by me settling down, apologizing for the freak-out, and asking, "Well, what next?")

The prospective new partner didn't reciprocate Xicot's feelings, but we're both trying to do our poly homework anyway. He's already made himself vulnerable by sharing new information about himself, and I've already identified what some of my insecurities are. Working through those insecurities now seems like the decent thing to do.

Xicot has been with me as a friend and/or lover through a vast amount of personal growth (coming out as bi, realizing that my parents' marriage is strong on commitment but not strong on happiness, dealing with the stressors of graduate school, seeking treatment for depression and anxiety). And I want to be supportive as he discovers more about what he wants and needs, too.

Though I'm bisexual, I'm monoamorously inclined. I do not think a poly-mono relationship with Xicot would be a deal-breaker for me. That said, I am not already as self-reliant as a number of the monos who post regularly here (nor as tuned into my own wants and needs). I'm working on that.
 
Poly family

Hi all, I'm new in the forum and as I find all your post really interesting and constructive, I would like to share with you also my experience. I'm 37 years old, married 2 years ago with B and almost 2 years in relation with S. I have 2 kids, One 6 years old (from a previous marriage) and another one 3 years old, son of B. Since almost 2 years I live in 2 different houses and running as crazy. Waking up in the morning with S and running on the other house to prepare the kids for the school. In the evening, when I go with S, I prepare the kids to go in bed and then I leave. B and S are fine with the situation, we all are really happy... but honestly I'm really tired. We are planning to go to live all together in some years... but for the moment... we will keep the situation as it is. Beautiful for everyone, kids included.. buy a bit stress for me. I consider my family a great big family. We are often all together, sharing the most important moments together, dinners, lunches, parties, Christmas..etc.. I can't live without them anymore, I can't imagine a single day without them anymore. We are a poly closed family, and also if we share holidays and daily life together, we also dedicate the right attention and time to the both couples. I love to consider our family like a small green garden with two big plants protecting and loving our 2 little flowers. :) I'm happy to have the possibility to share my reality with all of you and to have your support in all my ... questions and doubts... ;)
 
Hello, my name is Mike, but you can call me by my self-chosen name of Starlight and online I usually go by ColorsWolf!~ ^_^

The best summary of myself:

I am everything, I am sadness, I am happyness, I am anger, I am madness, I am insanity, I am ultra mindedness, I am you, I am me, I am we, I can see all the possibilities of all worlds as the universes collide simultaneously onto my mind, I am many, I am one, I am nothing but I must be something for who will pour the tea?~ I might or might not be what you want me to be or what you don't want me to be, I am what I choose to be.~

In more details:

I am me and I like what I like, if you want to know more about me then please ask. I do not place labels on anything. Whether you place labels on people or not, things will probably at times become complicated. I would prefer to learn about an individual and their preferences rather than to assume to know everything about them based on the labels they claim to be.

My love is eternal, my friendship everlasting.~

I'm like a river in the wind, I'm always changing, always moving, always dancing, always singing, always free, for me there is always something wonderful in this life to smile about, I love everyone, I value freedom, I respect everything, and I advise you to make every moment count!~

I can easily change any thing and nothing is a permanent plan.~ More like a spur of the moment whim.~ I could desire something in this moment, but I wouldn't mind if it never happened.~ I have no regrets, I am happy in this moment.~

Go out there and love.~ Listen, I want you to know that I will love you if I feel it and once I do I will love you forever no matter what: I don't believe in the concept of ex-lovers for me personally and I will always love you and welcome you back into my life if you want to, but please don't be afraid to go out there and love. If you feel something for someone, explore those feelings: just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving everyone else and it doesn't mean you're not allowed to love anyone else, for every love is different and no love is the same as any other love and no love is greater or lesser than any other love for love can not be measured and every love is beautiful, unique, and wonderful.~

Love is free and it just happens regardless of any thing.~
If you want to talk me, then go ahead any time.~ If you feel any thing, go for it.~ You don't have to worry, there is nothing 'at the wrong time' for me: truly any time any where in front of any one talk to me tell me how you're feeling pour your heart and soul out to me it's ok, I will wrap you in my arms and love you forever doesn't matter if I don't know who you are.~ :)


Please be honest with me: if you want to be with me, then tell me and be with me, but you will never be "mine" and I will never be "your's", we are always free to be as we choose, we decide our lives and what love means to us.~ I literally some times come and go like the wind, disappearing with or without prior notice, but I will always be your friend and maybe even your lover, but if you want we can disappear together, no matter how wild and free the dance is it doesn't mean you can't dance to songs of life.~ We may not be together some times because of circumstances, but I will treasure every moment that I am with you.~
 
Last edited:
Hi

Hello everyone,

I'm Taska, a woman nearing her thirties. I have never believed in monogamy and have never been in a monogamous relationship. My relationships have always been open, but two years ago I fell in love for the first time with one of my "outside partners" and me and my husband started on our polyamorous journey.

My husband and I have been together for five years and have been married for one. It's been quite rocky and still is. Then I have my boyfriend for the past two years. And for the past six months my husband has had a girlfriend.

We're still working out all the kinks, but my dream is that one day we can be one big happy family.
 
Hello!
I was in a monogamous relationship for 9.5 years and we have 2 wonderful daughters, ages 4 and 6 with my ex husband. We are working through this co-parenting thing and are doing a pretty great job raising our girls separately yet together.
When my youngest daughter was born I realized that I had lost a sense of who I was. I went on a soul searching journey and by the end of it I realized both monogamy and my ex-husband were not for me as we have different views on marriage, relationships, and life in general (definitely a long story for another day ;) ).
I am newish to polyamory (not really new, more returning to the lifestyle), with my primary partner and I being together for a bit over a year. We were just friends with benefits to begin with and neither of us realized we would fall in love with each and become such great partners!
I am bisexual; he and I share lovers and have lovers individually on our own.
I am here to read about other's experiences, share some of mine, and work through and understand all that I feel and process with my open relationship.
 
I'm 21, an undergraduate student and I've had a suspicion for a long time that monogamy isn't for me. I haven't been in a serious relationship since freshman year of high school (obviously, your mileage may vary on if that counts as a 'serious' relationship :D ), but I'm actually becoming excited about the idea of a relationship for the first time in a long time as I continue to explore the likely possibility that I'm polyamorous.
 
Our Traditional PolyFamily

Hi,
New on here but not to polyamory, we call ourselves traditional because we identify as Non-Religious, Non-Monogamous, Adult, Polygamists.
Our story, 34 years ago my 1st wife, L offered to share me with her best friend, after H told her that there weren't very many good men out there. Later Wife L and H chose their friend M to be part of our family. Eventually Wife J entered our lives, after Wife L and H passed away.
During our working years (we're retired now) we maintained a low profile, the children were taught to call their other mothers aunt so and so, but these days we've come out to almost everyone. Wife J says I stir the pot since I wear two wedding bands, but found them to be great conversation starters.
 
hello everyone,
it is so nice to find a renowned and open community to talk about relationships.
my name is jess, 23, i identify as queer and have been actively pursuing open relationships for a few years. i started identifying as poly a few years ago. i am currently in my second poly relationship, and it has been the most satisfying, and honest that i've ever felt within myself and it is the most confident i've ever felt in my ability to be a good partner. looking forward to growing, listening, and learning from all of you. thanks for having me along. i'm looking forward to becoming immersed in the community here.
 
Hi There,

My name is Faya, a single monogamous female from Europe. I myself am monogamous, but I have been in a relationship for two years with a polyman whom is married. His wife is poly too.

I have so many questions I cant find answers to, and speaking about this former relationship with friends is hard because they dont understand the polypart.

The break up took place very recently, I feel so heartbroken and I am looking for answers. It was a wonderfull but very bizar relationship, and the bizarro aspect had nothing to do with the polynature of the relationship, or so I think.

I'm looking for information and advice. Polyamory is not new to me, and I fully understand, accept and agree with the concept of it.I think it can be wonderfull.

Hoping to meet some friendly people here.

greetings Faya
 
Update!

Hello there! My name is Mae and I live on the East Coast of Canada. :)

I have four partners (three men, one woman).
My primary partner, Joe, and I have an eighteen-month-old daughter. Joe is bisexual. He's in a sexual, but not romantic, relationship with his best friend, Lincoln. He doesn't see other people.
My other two male partners are Harry and Wayne.
Harry is straight and otherwise single; he travels a lot for work and casually dates in different cities, but we're his home port.
Wayne is bisexual and has a live-in girlfriend, Annie. Wayne and Annie have several sexual relationships with men and women. Annie often joins us sexually but she is emotionally interested in only Wayne.
My female partner, Maggie, is Lincoln's girlfriend. She doesn't see other people romantically or sexually, as per her agreement with Lincoln.

That looks complicated. Here's a cheat sheet:

Mae: Romantically and sexually involved with Joe, Harry, Wayne, and Maggie. Sexually involved with Lincoln and Annie.
Joe: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae. Sexually involved with Lincoln.
Harry: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae. Sexually involved with other women.
Wayne: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae and Annie. Sexually involved with other men and women.
Maggie: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae and Lincoln.
Lincoln: Romantically and sexually involved with Maggie. Sexually involved with Joe.
Annie: Romantically and sexually involved with Wayne. Sexually involved with other men and women.

:)

Everything changed in the last month for the first time in quite a while.

Joe and I got engaged to be married.
Joe and Lincoln had a falling out.
Harry and I had a falling out.
Wayne and I had a falling out.
Wayne and Annie had a falling out.
I began a sexual relationship with an old flame, Rod.
Annie began a sexual relationship with Rod.
Rod's old flame, Nicole, began a sexual and romantic relationship with Wayne.

Cheat sheet:

Mae: Romantically and sexually involved with Joe and Maggie. Sexually involved with Rod and Annie.
Joe: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae.
Wayne: Romantically and sexually involved with Nicole. Sexually involved with other men and women.
Maggie: Romantically and sexually involved with Mae and Lincoln.
Lincoln: Romantically and sexually involved with Maggie.
Annie: Sexually involved with Rod and Mae.
Nicole: Romantically and sexually involved with Wayne. Sexually involved with Rod.

The awesome thing about the way we live our lives is that, although some relationships have ended (for now), everyone is still able to pleasantly interact with one another.

:)
 
Here, I am Djenn, I semi accidentally became involved with a friend and her husband, I say that because she initiated things that neither he nor I would have considered. We're currently sitting somewhere between a triad and a vee. Sexually it's a vee, due to my not being into girls, but physically and emotionally it's closer to a triad, or is one (I sleep with them, cuddle puddles, etc.) The decision to join was made because we've hit a wall. My girl has become jealous of he and I, in all sorts of interesting ways, due mostly to watching two people she loves fall in love with each other. I don't entirely think it's fair to have joined because of a problem, but It's not a super common relationship issue and the generally suggested "leave" would only make everyone unhappy. I know step one is communication (that also being steps two through infinity), so maybe I'm looking less for a solution than support, the reassurance that as odd as this is it's not a singularity, that it can be overcome.
 
Hi. You can call me Myrrhine (or My for short I guess). I live in the Great Lakes area in the States. I am cisgender female.

I'm only seeing one person right now.

I'm engaged to a wonderfully supportive monogamous male with a blurry gender identity (let's call him Jay).

I have considered myself poly for almost two years, but I have little experience in practice because I am very choosy with my inner circle of friends and I need to have a close friendship with a person to consider dating them.
 
Married and researching the poly world

Hi.
30s married 10 years. No kids.

My husband became involved with a mother of 3 (from 2 different fathers. And she's been married twice not to one of the fathers).

My husband wants to pursue but is respecting my time request to o grasp how I feel and to better our relationship to handle this new situation.

I. Love. Them. Both. I am empathize easily. I love his passion for her and I love her love for life and her kids.

I am happy with attention, sex, etc I am just getting some much needed experience from this very awesome forum.

I believe I am mono but I can understand how if I had a friendship like my husband does with CA, that I'd want an even closer connection.
 
hi.

30, single, childfree, atheist.

i don't have much to write here. i have no experience with polyamory but i've suspected for some time that i'm polyamorous. a non-poly friend who is in the community because of their polyamorous parents suggested i join a forum and meet people/read. so here i am!
 
Last edited:
Married and polycurious

I am 31, female, living in central Florida, married to a man in a traditional monogamous marriage. No children (not for another year or two, at least), married for 4 years. I have been exploring and thinking about polyamory for some time now, but approaching it cautiously.

I read through Hoyam's recent post (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69243) and it sounds like a situation I could foresee happening for myself, but would like to prevent if possible. My husband is not interested in polyamory though he may be willing to reluctantly allow me some sort of trial period/introduction to the lifestyle... but it could be disastrous, so I am trying to take the time to explore and really try to understand myself, my heart, and my desires. I would need to be prepared to accept consequences such as potential divorce, if I decided that I really wanted a poly lifestyle.

One of the things I hope to discover is whether I am really "poly" or not. I hope that reading various sites, blogs, and forum posts (as well as talking to polyamorous folks in a local meetup group) will help me determine if I really need or want to pursue polyamory. I have always tended to develop crushes while in committed relationships (not purely just an attraction), and I wonder what this means, if anything. I have never cheated in a relationship except for what you might call "emotional cheating," but I don't want to be deceitful. So I am trying to understand myself, my needs, and considering the possibility that maybe a polyamorous lifestyle would be a better fit for me.
 
Break up

I'm a pansexual gender neutral female and recently became single after my ex-boyfriend stepped on my heart with cleats a few months ago. A little over 2 years ago I was divorced from my ex-husband who was open to me exploring polyamory, but the marriage was ill-suited to us for a few reasons that we decided to divorce for. We are still platonic friends. My ex-boyfriend wanted monogamy with me and I obliged without argument and even planned to marry him--I loved him--and he cheated on me and dumped me. I am better off without him. He wasn't nice.

I am interested in meeting a woman or a couple for a tentative friendship that could blossom into something more.

I'm planning on staying in Central Florida for another year before I begin doing traveling work for a couple of years so that I can save up money to start a homestead and build tiny houses.
 
I am 31, female, living in central Florida, married to a man in a traditional monogamous marriage. No children (not for another year or two, at least), married for 4 years. I have been exploring and thinking about polyamory for some time now, but approaching it cautiously.

(...husband reluctant, may offer "trial period," HazelEyes is afraid he'll bang the veto hammer and she'll be forced to choose, which may mean divorce...)

One of the things I hope to discover is whether I am really "poly" or not. I hope that reading various sites, blogs, and forum posts (as well as talking to polyamorous folks in a local meetup group) will help me determine if I really need or want to pursue polyamory. I have always tended to develop crushes while in committed relationships (not purely just an attraction), and I wonder what this means, if anything. I have never cheated in a relationship except for what you might call "emotional cheating," but I don't want to be deceitful. So I am trying to understand myself, my needs, and considering the possibility that maybe a polyamorous lifestyle would be a better fit for me.

You sound a lot like me. In my case, my marriage ended after two years of trying very hard to bridge the gap, and a third of negotiating the divorce itself. Once I had disclosed what I had been feeling, there was no going back.

In your case, although of course divorce is painful as hell, you have less at stake given that you have no children. I don't have a pat answer for you, although I will suggest in the strongest possible terms that you figure this out before you have any!

If you can find a poly-friendly therapist, that will be an enormous help to you in clarifying to you if you're "really poly" vs. having crushes and being curious. If you can persuade your husband to go to some sessions with you, and to allow you the room to explore it (and possibly fail at it), that's the ideal solution, but right now, he's probably rather fearful that he'd lose you, which is likely why he is so reluctant.

Most of us marry because we believe the illusion of permanence that it appears to offer. It isn't there, really, but some are EXTREMELY reluctant to accept that nothing in life is permanent, including love and relationships. Marriage, unfortunately, makes it much, much more difficult to part company.

Wish you the best,
MT
 
Back
Top