very confused

I was thinking that this thread should probably be moved to life stories and blogs, I have a tendency to use it as a way to get my feelings out.
I talked to a friend of mine today for like an hour on the phone. He has gone thru something similar to what I have going on. His wife got in contact with her ex, and within three months(right about know for me) she moved out, because she wasn't "happy". This all sounds way to familiar. He had a friend of his go thru the same thing about six months ago( I see a pattern). It worked out for both guys in the end, the wives came back to them. Grass wasn't greener after all. So with this new info, I think that I'm gonna try to insist on meeting H and then sit back and wait. Not sure if the waiting part is the smartest choice, I have a serious lack of patience sometimes, but I have learned thru the years that once a woman makes up her mind she's gonna do what she wants, when she wants. I am trying to think of a way to bring up the subject without K getting defensive, small chance. I also have realized that I'm letting this thing with H hang over my head, as in, be extra good or else. Feels like an ultimatum. Never have been able to deal with ultimatums very well, I tend to do exactly the opposite of what is wanted. This has been a huge learning experience for me. I hope K has been learning too. I found some info about the poly life and printed a copy for K to read, she doesn't think she is poly. She could be right, but I know in my heart that she has feelings for H, whether she will admit it or not. Why else would she fight so hard to keep him and risk what she has here at home. Well theres my thoughts and feelings for today. Thank you all for reading and giving me ideas and insight, it has helped.
 
I think its time to change my name on this forum. With all of the advice and incite that I have received from all of you wonderful people, I have grown and learned. As such I am no longer dazed or lost. I have a direction and a purpose.
I am now focused on finding a happy ground with K and H. K has been very attentive for the last few weeks. I also have been keeping most of my thoughts to myself, she says she is tired of going thru the same thing with me, over and over again. I told her tuff! I will bring up my concerns and feelings anytime I feel like Im be pushed out or neglected.
After I talked to my friend "J" yesterday, I spent alot of time deep in my thoughts(sometimes its scary). I have decided that this weekend when K is off of work we will sit down(or I will tie her to the bed, just kiddin) and talk about her true feelings for H, good or bad. I know that there is more to her relationship than she is telling me. Perhaps she is doing this to "protect" me. I would much rather have the truth, no matter how much it might hurt. At least knowing the truth, I wouldnt wonder where I stand with K.
I think I will change my screen name to poly?quad. I dont think I'm poly, never know though, staying open minded here. I love to ride and race my quad. Nothing like the camaraderie and competition when racing thru the desert at break neck speeds.
So if anybody reads this, let me know what you think of the new handle. Also open to any suggestions. Thanks for reading and posting.
 
I only have one thing to say:

If you go with the screen name "poly?quad", you may get ppl thinking you are in a quad relationship. ;) Just something to think about.
 
LOL! I'm not sure what a quad relationship is. Is that where all for are involved?
I'm not even sure if the relationship that I have with the wife and hers with the bf is truly a V.
I could go with my racing number.812, except you have to say each number separately as in ate one too. I have had that number for alot of years!
 
quad is just 4...:)...2 couples...1 guy 3 girls...etc. :)

Quads seem to be, more often than not, two couples coming together. Although it seems that often the men are not sexually involved, which I never understood as a true quad, as to me, all would be involved.
 
Quads seem to be, more often than not, two couples coming together. Although it seems that often the men are not sexually involved, which I never understood as a true quad, as to me, all would be involved.

Like a triad vs a V :)

if two couples got together and the guys werent involved...what would that be?...overlapping V...haha...

I think for simplicity I just say quad is 4. instead of the double triad idea. :)
 
:confused:????? Um....... I think that I'm more confused now than before! A quad relationship, in my opinion, would be, all involved with each other, mf,ff,mm,mfmf,mmf,ffm...............and it goes on and on and on. A triad would be three involved with each other. So if I change my screen name I don't think I will use poly?quad, to confusing.
I'm thinking......................................................... hold on still thinking............this might take awhile.............................................polywog! Actually that is a name I have heard that was used to describe tadpoles, baby frogs. The tadpole then changes, metamorphosis, into a frog. I think that I'm changing,with my situation being as it is, learning to accept my wife for who she truly is. Hhhhhmmmmm.......Now how do I change my screen name without losing everything that I have posted? Any suggestions?
 
Yes, I like polywog also. I think you have to e-mail a site admin.
 
thanks gang. i think i will do that as soon as i figure out how to do that.
 
Now I have a new screen name, and I am focused on what I want. I must admit that I'm not entirely sure how to get what I want but things have been progressing to happiness.
Had a great talk with K, she finally admitted her feelings for H:). Now I just have to learn to control my insecurities and learn compersion(it will take time).
Making the trip to get my little ones and finally meet her bf.
I think my life is turning around(finally!). I dont want to jinx it so I am trying to patiently wait(hard for me, I see what I want and go get it!).
So here is a huge thank you to all who have posted on this thread and given me advice and insight. I will keep posting and keep you all informed of my progress.
THANK YOU!!!!
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F**K!!! What is this? One step forward, two steps back! I don't f**k get this. Now, outta the blue, the whole plan has changed! I was told that I will not meet H! K has decided that I am not ready to meet her bf! Talk about a kick in the nuts! I am so hurt and angry right now! I wanna break something! I have been trying so hard to come to grips with my emotions, and all I asked was one simple little thing! Now, I'm back to square one! This is total bullshit! I'm so frustrated with how I have been treated during this whole mess. I feel like I don't matter. K is gonna keep seeing H no matter what I say or do! We ended up having a HUGE argument last night! All because she is unwilling to help me understand why this dickhead is so important to her. And to top it all off, K is back to the " he's just a friend" crap! I asked her why is he so important, why risk all you have for a "friend"? I don't get it! when we were swinging, there was one lady that made K uncomfortable with the whole situation, K asked me to stop and I did! I ask her to stop and I get a big FUCK OFF!!! This emotion of love really sucks! Wish I could turn it off and walk away! So, it looks like I get to stay home again, while K goes and fucks this douche bag! I'm so done with this whole thing. I think its time to explore the "other" option. I don't know what else to do. I still feel like i'm the only one having to make a change, to be ok with this. UGH!! I need a bottle!
 
I agree with Mono on this one. You've done your best & it seems like your best isn't good enough for her:(.

Let him have her and give yourself a break from the drama, get your head (& your heart) on straight again and then see what there is in this big ole pond that piques your interest.
 
You've done your best & it seems like your best isn't good enough for her:(.
I disagree. Racer has done his/her best....It is good enough, yet not accepted. Eitehr way, the result is the same. Oddly enough, I had this same conversation today with one of my ex-students. (I used to teach her and her lover martial arts) There comes a time, when a person has to ask themselves if the relationship is worth the trouble. If it is, shut up and keep trying and quit griping. If not, then bite the bullet, grow a pair, and cut them off. Period. You already know what you need to do.....Now do it.;)
 
I'm not ready to give up! I have been beat down worse than this! TL those are pretty harsh words, but you do have a point. Thanks. If this marriage is destined to end then it will be K that walks away, not me! I can't(won't) walk away.K must make her choice, whether its good or bad for me!
 
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