The Chronicles of TheBlackSwede Continue...

I think a big part of G's reaction was that she's nervous about money, and I completely understand and of course share her concerns. She's calmed down and we're ok... I think she's accepted that it wasn't about me putting L above her and our family, but about my own insecurities and lack of desire to be a self-promoting douche-bag.

Some good recent developments - G has decided to start trying to get into better shape for HER, and this makes me very happy to hear. Not like she really needed to loose weight or anything, she's gorgeous and sexy as hell, but if she feels better about herself, she'll be even sexier! Plus, healthier people just feel more attractive for visceral evolutionary reasons. She's also set herself up an OKCupid profile! At first she was very hesitant to put her face out there along with that she's poly, and was extremely nervous about not getting contacted or nobody wanting her. Of course she's already gotten dozens of messages in less than a day... A few from some good-looking poly guys as well, and I'm happy to see the positive effect its had on her! Of course, I reap some of the benefits from this as well... ;)
 
Well, time for an update. I wish it were a more pleasant one.

Things with L haven't been "right" for a few weeks. Since she started seeing M, the level of physical intimacy has dropped dramatically. At first, it seemed as though there were specific circumstantial reasons for the decrease in physical contact, but it took its toll on our relationship. Apparently she has been witholding intimacy from both myself AND M. It's almost as if she can't be with either of us if she can't be with just one. I feel like we haven't been together in weeks. I finally talked with her about this. She admitted to being conflicted, and expressed frustration that both M and I expected physical intimacy with her. I told her I missed what we had, and I don't really feel like driving 2 hours to visit her and not even touch. We still love each other, but if she can't even hold my hand, kiss me, or snuggle up at night, then I'm going to continue feeling crappy about us. I told her that if she misses what we had, and wants to have it back, to let me know. In the meantime, she'll continue to see M, and we'll talk from time to time, I guess. I miss her, but I don't miss feeling close and far away at the same time. I hope she'll miss me too and things can work out, but frankly, I'm not holding my breath.

In fact, I've tried to set up some dates, but it seems every woman I end up talking to on OKC doesn't even read my profile until we're at the "setting up a date" part, and then it's, "Oh, shit, wait, you're married?" *poof* Guess they finally got round to reading the profile. Sigh.

Of course, G has no trouble getting dates, we had one with another couple on Sunday, mostly for her and the other woman to see if they're into each other. She's not into her husband, and it doesn't matter if the woman and I are into each other, there's to be no contact with us if G doesn't have contact with her husband. Feels forced to me, but I'm fine with them just having their own thing. She's got another date on Thursday with a local poly guy. I'm happy for her, and hope she has fun.
 
G's date went OK - she had fun, but said that there was no "spark". She had another date just the other night, and this one was much better. I was all stoked for her (and REALLY enjoyed her coming home all charged up, that was fun), that is, until the details of the guy's arrangement became clear to me. He says he's poly, but that his wife isn't onboard yet. She had no idea he was meeting with G, and he had no intention of telling her. This was a first date, and there was no hanky-panky, but plenty of other things. I warned her that it's bad karma to enable someone to do something destructive to their marriage and personal life, she said that he'd talked to her about becoming poly, and told her that he was... but he still hasn't mentioned that he's seeing anyone. A liar is a liar. If he'll lie to his wife, he'll lie to mine. Red flags. I told her this, she got a little upset and thought I was just being jealous. Nope. Not even a little. More like, protective of her and myself, and our family. I asked her to consider telling him that his wife not being onboard is a problem, and that he really should have that conversation before they get more involved. She saw the wisdom in it, and did so, even suggesting that we all go on a double-date. His reply was that it would "take a long time for her to come around, and couldn't we see each other in the meantime"... More red flags. Habitual liar. Cheater. Plug pulled, by her hand.

In many ways, I sympathize with men in his position. He feels he cannot truly be honest or risk losing everything. In truth, his fear of honesty is what WILL cost him everything. G is feeling a little discouraged, despite the 5+ messages she gets from new guys daily OKC... :rolleyes: She'll get over it.

Now, more about me, lest this become a blog about her... ;)

L and I are pretty much done. I haven't heard from her in days, and I know she's still with M. She's clearly got intimacy issues, and refuses to really open up with me. She gets defensive when we try to have serious discussions, and runs away. All I can do is be here for her when she comes back, if she comes back.

In the meantime, I've been looking. Met a few lovely ladies on OKC, unfortunately plenty more of the "I really like you, but I can't deal with poly". I HAVE however had a little more luck... I've got a couple tentative dates with ladies next week. One is a local poly girl who has a boyfriend, and is really cool. I'm very much looking forward to meeting her. The other... is a 20 year old vixen who has fixated on me for some reason. She's tiny, which is not my usual type... I think she's attracted to the fact that I'm basically two of her, tattooed, etc. She sends me dirty messages on OKC, and we've had other discussion as well - she's not looking for anything terribly serious, so we may be an interesting fit. I'm willing to give it a chance. The idea of being with someone tiny is interesting too, a fairly new experience. Never been with someone LITERALLY half my size. The trouble is... she hasn't texted me yet, or called me. Just OKC messages. She says she wants to meet next week, but is she for real? Or is this just BS? Time will tell. I'm not holding my breath.
 
L is messing with my head. While G and I were in Vegas, I got an email from her, saying, "i miss you." Of course I miss her too, and I'd like to still be with her, but we haven't BEEN together in a month, or more. She sucks at talking about her feelings and communicating like a grown-up without getting defensive and hurt, and lashing out because of it. I feel like if we're able to work anything out at all, it's going to take a LOT of work, and I really have no idea if she's willing to do any of that.

G is getting fed up with OKC and trying to date. Probably because the guys she's interested in, I usually react to as, "Uh, really? Why?" She interprets this as me tearing them all down, and being overly critical, and I need to work on not being so critical. I want to be supportive, and I'm working on that - I have done multiple supportive things, she's been on two dates now, I was very supportive of both, not jealous or anything at all, and even turned on a little by it. I also ask about her activity on OKC, she gets a lot of messages, but says they're all from douche-bags, lol!

I was supposed to have a date tonight, but the girl never called me last night to confirm and set a time/place. It frustrates me when people flirt online for a week straight and then disappear when it's time to meet. I'm not interested in an internet relationship. It makes me wonder if she's even a she, or if she was just stringing me along the way I've been strung along before. What possible fun could that be, seriously? Not sure if I should even send her another message.

The good news is, I DO have a date tomorrow night with a local poly-woman. She has a boyfriend, and I think that might be a good thing. It'd be nice to really be on the same page as someone I'm seeing. She's very pretty, and seems to be a decent match with me, though who knows if there will be chemistry or not. I have no particular expectation, she doesn't seem as flirty as many of the other women I talk to, but it may be different in person. Then again, she's also actually set-up a date with me, and hopefully won't be standing me up, either. Wish me luck!
 
I was supposed to have a date tonight, but the girl never called me last night to confirm and set a time/place. It frustrates me when people flirt online for a week straight and then disappear when it's time to meet. I'm not interested in an internet relationship. It makes me wonder if she's even a she, or if she was just stringing me along the way I've been strung along before. What possible fun could that be, seriously? Not sure if I should even send her another message.

A week really isn't a long time for a meetup off of an online site. I could understand cold feet that quickly.
 
G is getting fed up with OKC and trying to date. Probably because the guys she's interested in, I usually react to as, "Uh, really? Why?" She interprets this as me tearing them all down, and being overly critical, and I need to work on not being so critical.

Don't use "why?" it puts the other party on the defensive (as per my marriage councelor) and it does come across as you are questioning her judgement. Try something else like "Tell me about him" or "What caught your interest?"

I also have to work on the not being critical thing :).
 
A week really isn't a long time for a meetup off of an online site. I could understand cold feet that quickly.

Huh - so most folks will talk to people for multiple weeks online before meeting them? Interesting. Seems like a big investment of time and emotion for a chance at a physical connection. I really have no idea whether I'm going to be attracted to someone until I meet them face to face - even if I've seen many pictures of them and consider them to be an attractive person. It also makes me wonder what people talk about on their first date if they already know most everything about each other... :) Differn't Strokes, I s'pose.

Don't use "why?" it puts the other party on the defensive (as per my marriage councelor) and it does come across as you are questioning her judgement. Try something else like "Tell me about him" or "What caught your interest?"

I also have to work on the not being critical thing :).

Good call on the shifting word use and asking more specific questions thing. I'm definitely very critical about the men she's interested in, I guess I only want the best for my lady! :p


Thanks, both of you for the replies and advice... it really helps to just talk about this, even more so when people talk back, with good advice and everything, too! :)

One more thing I forgot to mention in the latest blog entry is that G is getting pissed at L because of how she's tying me in knots. Maybe I should just get them to talk to each other.
 
Personally, I wonder why you even look at the guys G's talking to on OKC beforehand. While someone might not seem her type TO YOU, he may be attractive and compatible TO HER. These are guys, ideally, whom she wants to go out with, after all, not guys she's hoping you will like, LOL. I wouldn't say you can't ask a few things about them and make sure she's safe, but don't offer any opinions or critiques. After a date or two, if she thinks she wants to continue, then I think it would be appropriate to voice a concern, if any. Just my two cents.

Also, about the 1-week thing on OKC, I also agree that a week is not long enough to get a feel for someone. I do not like having long, protracted email pals, either (I make an exception for potential LDRs where it just has to wait a while before we meet). I hate the idea of getting hopes up and then I find I'm not attracted to someone physically or there's no chemistry in person. My feeling has always been that the sooner you meet someone the better, BUT a week is just not long enough either, simply because I'm busy and don't communicate online with these peeps every day, and I want to know and confirm certain things before I make time in my schedule to actually meet someone. Plus, the whole online dating thing does kind of scare me, still, so I tend to be cautious and have actually met very few people, though I have emailed/talked with many.

I do like to see if a bit of correspondence with someone is fun. If a sense of humor comes thru in their writing, then there's a good chance they would be fun to hang with. Generally, it seems I meet people after 2 to 3 weeks, sometimes longer because of logistics and scheduling. But I'm certainly not asking them their life stories in all that time. Rather, I'm just having some nice banter and asking a few questions about what they want and to see if they meet what I want. Some people have sparse profiles, so ya gotta ask questions sometimes.
 
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Huh - so most folks will talk to people for multiple weeks online before meeting them? Interesting. Seems like a big investment of time and emotion for a chance at a physical connection. I really have no idea whether I'm going to be attracted to someone until I meet them face to face - even if I've seen many pictures of them and consider them to be an attractive person. It also makes me wonder what people talk about on their first date if they already know most everything about each other... :) Differn't Strokes, I s'pose.

.

Its a feeling secure thing. You are asking for a lot of trust when you meet someone offline. That quickly.. just adds to the potential worry for a lot of people.

And if a few weeks is all it takes to get to know someone then you will run into some pretty quick problems. I talked with people only for months without ever running out of things to talk about. Leading into a first date, it didn't limit conversation at all. I have never had that worry or concern.

As for physical attraction, I agree, you just can't know till you meet. But people may want the security of knowing you a bit more before meeting face to face.
 
Well, the main reason I've looked at some of the guys G was dating is because A, we have a policy of full disclosure with one-another... but more importantly in this instance is B, she asked me what I thought about them. I don't know if this means she's had her own reservations, or if it means she's trying to placate my insecurities (which would be ironic, because I don't feel insecure about her dating).

As for the 1-week thing with OKC, I definitely message people a bit back-and-forth before broaching the question of meeting - it's definitely important to make sure there's a little banter back and forth first, but I don't want to get to know everything about them before I meet them... Its fun to find many of these things out as time passes, and also, I read peoples' profiles. It's not so much that I worry we'll have nothing to talk about, so much as I worry about missing out on that organic opening up that people go through, where they become closer by sharing progressively more personal parts of their lives and find parallels with the other person's. That's why I haven't been asking the lady I'm seeing tomorrow everything that I want to yet. She knows I have a million questions, and I'm keeping my fingers off the phone so I don't text her like mad! :rolleyes:

I understand the need to feel secure, definitely! I've had my poppa-bear hackles up before when G went out to meet someone she's only messaged briefly, and never telephoned... but she always met them someplace public, and she'd check in with me to let me know all was well. In fact, the first time I met L was picking her up at her place (the first night we started messaging) - it was dark, and pretty sketchy. She lives in a an in-law unit, and it wasn't lit. Looked more like a garage. ...and the back of the property opens to the LA river. The guy in the front house said to head on back, and he seemed a little extra friendly. I texted her and didn't get a reply. He said, "Head on back, holmes, it's all good"... I had a flash of paranoia and envisioned being robbed by 5 or 6 cholos. "Ya know, I forgot something in my truck, I'll be right back." As I was in the act of arming myself, she came out, looking like the femme-fatale she is, and the rest is history. :eek:

In this particular instance, I wouldn't think it's a security thing. The things this girl has been saying to me... pretty intimate and sexy. We've also been messaging at least once a day for a week now. G said she's a "no-good cocktease," lol! No wonder her and I are a 96% match... :rolleyes:
 
Ok, so I had a date coming up that I mentioned last time, let's start with that.

Met with M, a local poly girl. She's seeing several other people, which I'm of course OK with. Had sushi, beers, and many good laughs. We get along great. A brief makeout session afterwards, but she had to work in the AM, so we called it quits after that. She's beautiful, and has some amazing, er, assets, but doesn't give me flutters though. I enjoyed kissing her and would do it again. She and I have texted a bit since, and she's pretty busy, but keeps saying she wants to get back together for another night out, so I'll keep my ear to the ground on the M front. It's casual.

Had another date, this time with G and myself and K, another local girl who is bi-curious, but never really BEEN with a woman. That date was fun, but she was about 30-40 pounds heavier than her OKC profile pictures and info let on. That was a bit of a letdown, but we still had fun. If I had been solo on the date with her, I'm certain it would have ended with a hug and maybe a small smooch. ...but with G in the picture, the sexual energy was contagious - a dangerous thing. The three of us wound up making out on a blanket at the beach in the starlight, topless. It was definitely fun, and I'm happy it happened. G had actually been considering changing her OKC status to "straight", but is now reminded that she likes girls too. :) I'm reminded of how much fun it is to go out with her and another woman. Definitely the most fun I've had on a date in awhile, and it was because of G. They were more into each other than I was into K, or than K was into me, but that was OK.

Has ANOTHER date with a lady I met on OKC, let's call her T, and had incredible conversations with. We texted a ridiculous amount as well, and I was psyched to meet her. We seem to have a really awesome intellectual connection, but sadly, we seem to be missing that physical spark. At least, I'm missing it with her. She seems to be into me, but... I dunno. I'm just not feeling the sexy vibe myself. I think she's going to be a new friend for certain, but I'm not sure how to transition from "dating" to "friends" successfully. Advice is more than welcome on that front.

Finally, we went to this big crazy party last Friday - G got an invite on OKC from a local poly guy, who said she should come and bring me too. It was a blast! Circus acts, hot nurses in sexy outfits wandering the party and delivering "the cure" (booze) via oral syringe. I danced with a few very sexy ladies, G made out with one random guy who REALLY wanted to "take a walk". She also met someone who she had seen on OKC, but hadn't messaged back - they've got a date this week now. G seemed to not be feeling the "sexy" vibe, and was intimidated by a lot of the other women that night. This made me feel like I had to be restrained, even though G repeatedly stated she just wanted me to have fun. I also felt some protective urges, not because I wasn't ok sharing her, but because it was an unknown situation, with unknown people, in a part of town we do not frequent, and is also pretty heavily urban. I guess I couldn't completely let my guard down because of this, and that probably limited my ability to really meet and connect with other people. When she started making out with the guy, I was in the other room for a few minutes. I came to find her, and couldn't track her down. I looked around for a bit, even checked the restroom, getting kinda worried for reasons previously stated, and finally found them making out in a (very) dark room adjacent to the party. There were other people there, and it was a very big room, so I wasn't worried at all at that point - I was perfectly ok once I knew she was alright and where she was. I was a little peeved that she disappeared without giving me a heads-up though, and we talked that through just fine. Obviously she's a grown woman and I have to trust her to make good decisions and be able to take care of herself, but at the same time, it's my responsibility to do what I can to protect those I love without overreaching, and I don't think I'm out of line for wanting to keep track of those who I love when at a party full of unknowns. If it had been a sister, or just a female friend, I'd have felt a similar way.

I feel like I have more luck with ladies in person than online. There aren't usually a dozen or two men talking to a good looking woman at once in person, whereas online, it pretty much seems to be that way. I'm feeling a little disenfranchised with OKC at the moment, as the last three women I've met off there haven't really done the trick, and most of the women I try to contact ignore me or message me back with something like, "OMG, you're MARRIED! I can't do that!". *sigh* This brings me back to the conundrum of how to tell a woman in person that you're married without having her walk away.
 
So I haven't had a date in a little while, not since last I posted, but G has been out with the local Poly guy, twice now. I was all stoked about this for her too, until she dropped a bit of a bomb - he has an STD that we don't have. It's incurable, and permanent. Total bummer. It's just Herpes, not HIV, so nothing incredibly panic-worthy, but it's not something we want. Thing is, he disclosed this after they had made out a good deal. No sex, thankfully, but still, both HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be spread by kissing (though 2 is very unlikely, from what I've read). The thing is, even though we talked about this, and both agreed that it was a bummer, but not something we should push our luck with, she saw him again, and even made out with him again, effectively doubling her risk of exposure. I said I didn't mind if they hang out, but I asked her to use her best judgement, and making out with him again after knowing, that doesn't seem like particularly good judgement. Things got even farther this time than last, though no oral, and no sex, so pretty much the same level of exposure. She finally told him today that she can't kiss him anymore, but is still tentatively planning meeting again later this week. This is of course throwing up red flags for me, but I really don't mind her seeing him, except for the making out and possible STD contraction going on. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting here, or whether I should feel uneasy about her seeing him as "just friends". Will she be able to contain herself? What if there's alcohol involved? Where will it end up? The worst part about it all is that I'm doubting her at all - I shouldn't be, I should be fully trusting her, but her judgement seems to continually let me down.

L (my ex) is driving me crazy. She's called a few times, sent a few emails, and to be fair, we never intended a complete break, just becoming friends instead. I've been fairly out of touch, mainly because I'm still hurting on some level about the whole thing. She got really upset with me because I came to LA to visit a friend and go to a meeting, and hadn't planned on visiting her. I caught a ride up with my buddy, and didn't have my car, otherwise I would have, and I told her this, but she kept wanting me to find ways to make it happen, and ultimately kinda flew off the handle, said some hurtful things, and hung up on me, even after I offered to meet her for lunch the next day. She called me in the morning, but it was too late to make it out and back before my meeting, which just made things worse. Same BS drama, saying hurtful things, that she doesn't want to talk to me again, etc. Then she texts me 10 minutes later, something about how she needed me and I wasn't there for her. I call back. Finally I decipher the enigma of L and her incommunicative self that she's got something going on and needed me for support, but didn't want to talk about it on the phone. I tried, but she wouldn't open up until I came out there. I told her I'd try and get out of my meeting a little early and then cruise out so we could talk. On my way over, she says that it's not going to work because she's got an art class that starts about when I'd be getting there so nevermind. I tell her I'll try and come back up to see her sometime soon - next week or the week after. Radio silence since.

G freaked out about this, with a typical, "ZOMG, she's preggers!", to which I informed her that there was simply no way in hell, as I hadn't been with her in something like two and a half months, and the last time I saw her she was menstruating. I still have no idea wtf is going on. Hopefully I'll have some work soon or an interview, and I can meet up with L and sort everything out.
 
I wouldnt rule someone out as a potential sex partner just because they have herpes. My understanding is, 50% of the population has been exposed and carries antibodies to it already, even if they have never had an outbreak. I'd just not make out or have sex if someone had a current outbreak, of course.

Good luck with the mysterious problem your ex is having... wish she would just tell you on the phone. If her art class was more important than meeting you, it can't be that big of a deal! Sorry she's being irritating. If she needs to see you, let her make the drive, and work with your schedule. It's not all on you.
 
Mags, I understand that much of the population has it and doesn't even know... but it's still incurable, and seems like its the sort of thing that could greatly impair my (already limited due to being married) ability to find potential other partners. That's just me from my own selfish reasoning. Do most poly folk just have Herpes anyways? Should we bite the bullet and go for it because it'll actually HELP us find other partners? Seems counter-intuitive. Furthermore, Herpes can be contracted even if the infected individual is not experiencing an outbreak.

I finally met with L today, and found out what her mysterious issue was, and its not something I wanted to hear. She's pregnant, and the greatest likelihood is that it's mine. G is crushed. I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. G things this is "another sign that we shouldn't be poly". I think its a shit hand to be dealt, and am trying to be cerebral and scientific in my approach to prevent further emotional damage, mainly to myself. Her anger with me is difficult, because I never wanted this and still do not. L was on the pill, and has had other medical issues that have previously prevented her from conceiving, so I wasn't worried about pregnancy when we went beyond protected sex (neither was L).

Somehow, pregnancy has made what I've done with L suddenly wrong. I don't see it that way, I see it as an accident that needs to be dealt with appropriately. I don't want more children, and certainly not from anyone other than G, but this isn't my choice, even though it's my responsibility (WTF is up with that?). L initially brought up adoption, even though the doctors suggestion abortion because she has uterine cysts. I said that the Doctors have a valid point - as shitty as it feels to abort a child, how much worse does it feel to suffer a late-term miscarriage, or a disabled child? She saw the reason in this and said she intended to abort the pregnancy - both for these reasons and because she doesn't want her current relationship to suffer, but I know her well enough to know that she doesn't favor abortion in the general sense, and must be having serious internal emotional conflict about this.

My marriage and entire life stand on the edge of a knife. I don't know what I'll do if I lose G - she's the most important person in my life by far after our boy. If it was her that was pregnant I'd be ecstatic. Worried about logistics, but ecstatic.

I don't like the sort of questions I have to answer now about what sort of man I am. The "what-ifs" loom on my horizon like Niagra Falls downriver, and I don't have a paddle, or hell, even a boat. If L carries the child to term and doesn't want to give it up to adoption, then what? G seems to think that I'll want to raise the child, as it is my blood. I now have questions about desire and responsibility. Does the fact that I don't want this child make me a coward? Was L being dishonest about being on the pill and unable to bear children? If not, is it wrong to eliminate a "miracle child" because it is inconvenient? Is it fleeing my responsibilities as a man to want to abort it or give it up for adoption to a loving family? Am I a horrible person because I worry I could never love it like I would the child I already have with my wife? Is it selfish to hope things don't change because of this? In truth, I don't like the implications of any of this, but I REALLY don't want to lose my wife, who is well and truly the love of my life.

Booze won't make it go away. It does ease the heart palpitations though.
 
Gosh, SS, that is really unfortunate. So, she lied about being on the Pill, or forgot to take her pills for a few days? I didn't know you 2 were fluid bonded.

You say it's "likely" the child is yours. Do you mean she was also fucking some other guy(s) bareback while she was also fucking you? :eek:
 
Do most poly folk just have Herpes anyways? Should we bite the bullet and go for it because it'll actually HELP us find other partners? Seems counter-intuitive. Furthermore, Herpes can be contracted even if the infected individual is not experiencing an outbreak.

Yup, and also is the one STD on a short list of infections that can be transferred during FtF sexual contact :(, which I only recently learned to my great dismay.

Ah, spilled milk, as we say. Are you BTW absolutely sure you and G are not infected already? I'd like to find out but antibody testing is not available round here :mad:. And preventing herpes infections from spreading in the poly community seems really hard anyway, because if I understood correctly, even condoms/other barriers don't provide 100% protection against it.
 
Mags - I don't think she was, but I really don't know. She says no, but again, what the hell do I even actually know? Was she even on the pill? Do I believe anything she says anymore? How do I take the high road and be supportive from an emotional standpoint of what she has to do about this while having all these feelings?

BlackUnicorn - what's FtF sexual contact...? We don't have access to antibody testing either, but neither of us has ever been with anyone who has it (that we know of), and neither of us has ever had an outbreak. At least it won't kill ya...
 
Listen, I know this might sound cold, but women have been aborting pregnancies since ancient times. We have the ability to bring life into this world, and with that also comes the ability to take that life away. Sometimes it is just what needs to be done. Stop thinking of it as a child - not a child yet. You don't have to keep reinforcing how bad you must think she feels about it. Sure, it can be traumatizing, but sometimes it simply is not. I always think people indulge too much into how "horrible" someone must feel when this becomes necessary. I have had two abortions and never felt any remorse about them. The option comes with the territory of being a sexually active woman. L says that abortion is what she is choosing to do, obviously she doesn't want a baby since she talked about adoption, too. There is no need to get bent out of shape about that. The procedure is quick and simple. It is much safer for her, it would seem, than carrying the baby.

However, lesson learned! Now you know that even when a paramour has birth control, you take a huge risk not using a condom. For pregnancy AND disease. It sucks that something like this happens in order to wake you up about it, but stop fretting and look at what needs to be done. Personally, I don't think it would be fair for G. to leave you over this -- it's a risk in poly, and non-monogamy. Just try to keep emotions out of it and deal with the reality: You stupidly didn't use protection. L got preggers, and will abort the pregnancy. I say, help arrange and pay for that right away! Be there for her as much as you can, and then resolve to use protection from now on. Get tests for all the possible diseases, and move on.
 
Hugs!

It could happen to almost anyone even if all percautions were taken/used accurately and mistakes happen. I didn't realize that antibiotics would be an issue after I finished taking them :eek:. We took extra precautions while I was on them and until my first cycle afterwards, but didn't realize it would still be an issue over a month later.

I don't have any advice beyond, loose the booze, keep talking with your wife and get some legal advice.
 
Same here, SNeacail. I got pregnant on the pill a month after being on antibiotics and an antihistamine I'd never taken before. Accidents happen, life goes on.
 
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