Love Language: Gifts

Lemondrop

New member
I could use a little bit of brainstorming if anyone is willing. Asha seems to be feeling unloved, to the point where she's pushing us away. The best I can figure, without actually having the ability to see her in person, is that we've not been speaking her love language enough lately, which is gifts. Now, Easy and I are riding that poverty line, and we can't afford a heck of a lot. We typically do a lot of acts of service, and it's not so easy to think of gifts that we can afford with everything else we've got going on. Asha wants to go away for Valentine's weekend, which means we have to save our spare cash to make that happen for us--it's not horribly expensive, we just don't have a lot of extra.

So, if people are willing, can you help me think of some things we can give Asha to make her feel more loved? I can crochet, I can sew (but hate it), I'm going to do some china painting for her but it takes a while to complete (weeks). I'm a little worried that if I make it, though, that she won't feel like Easy loves her, just me. Kudos for me, but I don't want him hurt because I'm crafty and he's not. So, ideas? Please? Anything, even if you think it sounds stupid, might spark an idea in my head. Thank you in advance.
 
Acts of service are sometimes a gift no? Depends on how they are seen. I see them as a gift sometimes, depending. I see massages, coffee given to me in bed, time to sit and watch the birds at the feeder when I could be naking supper as gifts because they are nit usual. Doing dishes, sweeping, doing lunches are all acts of service to me. There are differences because one is needing to happen by someone and the other is extra.
 
Food...
Homemade decadent gifts (ice cream toppings, deserts, etc)
Dinner in a box, waiting for her when she gets home
Something special just for her

Accompany the gift with a card that says that you were thinking about her the entire time you were making whatever it is.
 
The problem is that I don't think the acts of service are being seen as gifts. Easy makes breakfast for everyone every Sunday--when we're there. We don't all live together, so household chores are more something we do when we're there. :/ I will get everyone to sit down and talk, but the soonest that we can do it is tomorrow evening, and I'm feeling like Asha doesn't feel valued at the moment, and I'd like to do something to alleviate that sooner than tomorrow.

I like the massage idea, though. Easy is good at giving massages, and it's something he can do. And now that I think about it, they haven't had an awful lot of dedicated time together lately--it's all been family time.

Coffee is Sunday's realm, and thank you for that reminder that it's an act of service that he performs for me as well.

Asha and Sunday live in a different house, 30 miles away, so dinner in a box would be difficult to achieve, in addition to the fact that it would have to be dinner for the entire family. But, I'll put it on the list because Easy might have an idea about what to do in that regard...he likes to cook, and he might have an idea of something he can do just for her that won't leave the rest of her family out.
 
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Just a card (especially if the words come from you or Easy) with a single balloon or flower.

I'm not a "gift person", but just a simple text that says "I miss you", "Thinking of you", or "I love you" can make all the difference in my day.
 
I wouldn't go crazy overdoing this gift thing in terms of money or time you don't have. I understand the love language idea, and love gifts, don't get me wrong, but they must be freely and joyfully given to be emotionally fulfilling. Like everything.

I actually tend to get annoyed with gifts when they're given for a serious "reason".

A letter in which you speak your heart is an amazing gift. I like origami too when pressed for $ and feeling crafty. There's tons of awesome how-tos on youtube.

I am guessing there is more to the pulling away than not having received enough gifts lately, though. Possibly she needs to push away a minute to feel loved all on her own without needing the gifts.

(random observer disclaimer)
-R
 
@SNeacail--I like the card idea. I know that she spends a ridiculous amount of time picking Valentine's cards because they have to say the right thing. (I'm feeling smug because I already went against my natural inclination to run away from mush screaming and found one that was simple but said what an amazing woman I think she is.) Cards are going on the list.

@Rarechild--well, I hate feeling helpless, so at the very least, if I don't accomplish anything else, I can build a list of low-cost or no-cost things to do when I/Easy/we want to show Asha some love. It's entirely possible that she just needed some time alone, and I'm willing to give her that. We will work very hard on not giving more than we have--one of the lessons we're working on for ourselves (we both need to learn this) is making priorities and setting reasonable boundaries on our time, energy, and money. :)
 
I'm feeling smug because I already went against my natural inclination to run away from mush screaming

HeHe, I'm glad I'm not the only one that does this :). My husband loves picking out cards and he is also very good at writing mush, me not so much.
 
One of my favorite (cheaper!) gifts is a photo in a frame. I've gotten some nice ones at the dollar store, and you can glitz or personalize them yourself for an added touch.For the photo itself, it could be anything! I generally go with a photo of myself and the person I'm gifting it too, or a group of friends, or occasionally a piece of art of landscape I'd know they'd appreciate.

My other standby is goodies! Depending on the eating habits of the person you're gifting, you can make sweets or something savory.
Sweets, I'd recommend: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/easy-oreo-truffles-95085.aspx
You can make these with pretty much ANY kind of sandwich cookies. I like to use Newman's Own brand, the chocolate cream kind, because they are organic and taste amazing. I'll also swap out half the cream cheese for some of the cheesecake filling you can buy in the store now.
After you've made some, pick up some cute wrapping thing. People that like "gifts", I've found, are more about the experience of being given something unknown and unwrapping it, then just being given an object. After all, how lame a gift would it be if someone just handed you a gift card?

Best of luck!
 
I found a poem that said what I felt for Maca and copied it on special paper-then framed it-gave it to Maca.
That's something Easy could do.
Or create (printer?) gift certificates for special date nights.
 
My primary love language used to be "gifts". But for me, a "gift" could be a pretty stone or an autumn leaf that my love saw that made him think of me. I actually didn't want him buying me gifts so much as just some little thing that reminded me I was in his thoughts throughout the day.

Creating your own gift certificates could be for a "service", but would offer something concrete (the certificate) at the same time.
 
I'm loving these ideas!

I'm watching the kiddos while Sunday and Asha go out tonight, so I'm in good, hee hee hee. See that bus I just threw Easy under? Poor guy. LOL.

No, really, I'm writing everything down and keeping it for a time of need, and I've made the ideas available to Easy as well. :) I'm not really mean wife. Really!
 
My guy has interest in historical events/places/cultures, etc., that are rather obscure and difficult to find information on. He HATES doing internet searches. I rather enjoy it. I will sometimes do an internet search for him and print copies of the articles I find to give to him to read. He LOVES it.
 
I went to a birthday party last weekend and had nothing to give the hostess. Her birthday had actually passed a week before and she was not expecting gifts... but I brought her something anyway. I brought her a bowl I made out of paper... origami. I got the instructions off the internet and me an LB made them. He is big into origami lately. It's easy, fun and you can make elaborate things that look amazing. The bowl is a good idea because you can fill it over time, or right away. You can decorate it and draw things on it too.

I like to give picture frames also... I don't give the picture quite often though. It depends on the person. I like to give a picture every now and then to someone I have given a frame too. I give one the same size so that it can be put in over the last one... A picture can be printed for under a dollar if you bring your digital camera in somewhere. Provided you have one... I figure that is a gift that keeps giving...

Derby gave me a little book once that she wrote in a bit, with the promise to write more... I really liked that.

You could make a book, a frame, a bowl.... all are gifts that I love and they have the potential to keep on giving.

Oh ya, another. I have a jar that I pasted tissue paper on so that the light shines through and makes colourful light. I put in it little sayings I like, little reminders. Little affirmations..."I am loved" "I am okay as I am" these kinds of things. I have angel cards in there and some little things I like to look at that are precious (feathers, rocks, shells, sticks, pine cones, fabric). I take something out every day and put it beside the jar so I can contemplate it. I LOVE my jar... maybe this is something she will like? You could start her off with her own jar?
 
I love the origami idea! She loves to have a seasonal centerpiece on her table, and we could certainly achieve something cool with origami.

I love these ideas. :) And not just for Asha...it's so nice to have ideas to do for friends that are feeling down, that won't stress my miniscule budget...

PS--I think things went well this weekend, though they started off stressful. I did manage to get in one or two gifts/acts of service.
 
Why don't you just use a flower delivery service and send her a big bouquet of flowers with a small card. I think this is the best way to say we love you and think of you. I think flowers are so expressive and you can choose a bouquet which is not too expensive so that you can afford it.
 
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The love language of gifts

The love language that I most associate with is that of gifts and I feel this love language gets a bad rap. My feelings on this have nothing to do with materialism or possessions but of the thought that goes into the gift. I get just as (if not more) excited about giving a gift as receiving. Does anyone here associate themselves with this and what are your thoughts?
 
Gifts was my husbands second highest, I believe, and he describes it much like you do - it's not the value/quantity of gifts as much as the quality. Meaning, on his birthday I can buy him a gift, cook him a fabulous dinner, set aside an entire day all about him, and tell him repeatedly how awesome he is and the thing that will make the biggest impression is the fact that I found the perfect gift, no matter the amount of time, effort, or money it took the fact that it reflects him, me, and our relationship is what he appreciates. For example, he was a big comic book reader as a kid and always missed that. This past Christmas I bought him quite a few graphic novels from a local used book store. It cost me next to nothing, took near to no effort (I frequented the shop anyway), but it was perfect. He got to feel like he was indulging his inner child by returning to a media form he loves, and it was something we could connect over because I chose plots more formatted for adults.

I love giving gifts, but I would much rather go do something special than to receive a gift in return. While this is kind of gift-y since it I appreciate things we don't do often/cost more than we're usually willing to spend a lot more than I appreciate every weekend activities, it is still more of a quality time thing than a gift/monetary thing.
 
It's actually my husband's top love language, and it's my least important one - there's actually only a few people I can receive a gift from without getting really uncomfortable. It's caused problems for us - as in budget and clutter. Receiving stuff I don't need or want can be frustrating. I work hard to keep clutter under control and the last thing I want is another "cute" gift I have to display and dust.

I've finally got him to make an agreement with me that when he goes on a work trip or something, he can bring me back one item under a certain price. He used to bring back half a dozen things that caught his eye. When he sticks to our one item agreement I'll smile and tell him how much I love him, even if I hate the item, because I know it's important to him, and I'm proud when he can curb his tendencies. I try to keep my feelings to myself when he wants to buy a more expensive items for friends or family for a gift, as I know it's how he shows love, but his family seems to be topping each other budget wise every year, and that's a strain too. Obviously poly = more presents to buy :rolleyes:.

I wish it wasn't his main love language because it's difficult to find gifts for him, he has all the games, toys, books and geek related things he could want, and I know he likes gifts. Nevertheless, I never thought that was a bad love language, at least as long as it's somewhat about both giving and receiving, it just doesn't come naturally to me because I don't want it for myself.
 
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