I notice that you did not answer my question, but choose to go out on a tangent that I explicitly said was not my intention. So I'm not going to repeat it.
I am merely trying to establish a basis for the conversation, and trying to avoid it going down a futile path. If people are trying to come up with universally-upheld criteria, then I'm not going to bother. Been there, burned the t-shirt and all that. My purpose of answering the way I wanted (rather than the way you wanted) was to try to establish an understanding for me of the basis for the conversation and confirm before continuing.
If we are comparing notes as to what works for US, then sure, no problem.
I just want to make sure we're clear on that, before I continue.
You seem to be, in a very general way, against the very idea of finding out whether there are some foundational things we could agree upon.
I'm sorry if I seem that way to you, but that is not true, as I have hopefully just shown.
Could you accept that such a question may be meaningful to some, and that maybe somebody might be content with answers that you personally don't like? Oh well, probably not.
Since you seem to want to answer the questions you ask me, I won't bother correcting you
But just a small reminder, in some kind of faint hope:
I love to be reminded of things, especially when it's laced with condescension...
OK, since you are badgering me to answer your question, here it is:
Are the following, in my opinion and based on my experiences, fundamental and necessary criteria for poly:
love - yes
ability to love multiple - yes
trust/honesty - no
communication - no
my poly is not your poly - no
need for basic equality - no
Now, please note that I didn't say GOOD poly. But who am I to judge whether someone's poly is good or not, or to tell them they are not doing it properly? I have seen people in functioning poly relationships that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole where they weren't being honest with each other, open communication just wasn't there, and they were poly-evangelists and one-true-wayers.
Now, are they desirable in my opinion for
my poly to work? Absolutely!
I get hung up on the idea of there having to be rules or criteria in order to make it "poly", so if you are seeing reticence on my part then it is because of that.
If we're focusing on poly relationships, I think the only single difference with a mono relationship, as far the the general rules/foundations go, is that more than 2 people can be part of it. Doesn't mean they have to be, mind you, there might only be 2 partners at some point, but the relationship will still be "open" to more of them.
Yes (he says, pointing at the screen emphatically) THIS! THIS!
The rest, be it honesty, trust, fairness, communication... That's just part of relationships, not specific to poly relationships at all. That's the way I see it at least.
Oh my THANK YOU for saying this.