little quirks, that's me

Had a Date Last Night

and we will see each other again on Wed :D!

My new guy, KW, and I started chatting in August on OKC and we started texting shortly after. Then both of us sort of lost interest, maybe, I'm not sure. I partly wrote off any type of relationship with him at the time due to the distance between us, 45 minute drive to his place. Also at that time, both of us had vehicles that needed work.

KW, from the get go, has been so sweet and respectful and I think I got side tracked by other contacts, ones that were more aggressive in their approach. Unfortunately, nothing ever went any where with those contacts and the couple that were more "romantic" well...read previous pages it's all there, have some issues.

But KW...he and I have always had an easy time discussing stuff and of all the men he has been the only one to never ask me for pics. He is in the airforce, been 2 years in and stationed at the local AFB in the next state over. I asked how long he'll be stationed here (he's originally from Kentucky) and replied he's been told it's a "black hole" so probably for quite some time. When we were chatting this week he was mostly concerned he'd only get to see me one day a week. When I said starting out we'd get two days (due to having children DH & I have agreed upon this, we each get 2 days/nights a week to see whom ever we wish so 4 nights a week the kids always have a parent at home & the other 3 nights are ours together since we both work days etc), he was a little more interested in finally meeting.

I didn't post about him yet since I felt like every time I did post here about a date, I'd jinx myself and nothing happened except a cancellation. Our first date had been planned for Thursday. Guess what, he had to cancel. At least it was due to his tire blowing out, etc (no spare). He felt so bad and was worried I thought he was a flake. So we rescheduled for yesterday, but.....

He didn't get off work until after 9 last night. So our dinner date didn't happen since the restaurant closed at 10 but we did meet at a bar near his place. He is so attractive to me, tall, a good kisser, etc. There definitely is a connection between the two of us (even though there is almost a 20 year age difference between us). I made it home around 2:30 am.

I am so glad KW and I re-connected on okc. He even told me yesterday that he wanted me to know he isn't interested in just a casual relationship, he really wants more than that. I am also glad we took this long to finally meet. I call it charma, meant to be, whatever I AM FRICKIN' HAPPY we are dating!!!! and I really like KW.

DH is feeling mass amounts of compersion for me today. Funny, he and I both know when DH starts feeling those insecurities...when he's half asleep or it's morning. Like the other day, he started going into his emo world an hour before it was time to actually wake. Now that I know how his pysche works and he is now recognizing it in himself, either of us will state the obvious. This is not the time to discuss this. We both need that hour more of sleep, let's table it and come back to it when you are off work.

Thursday DH had his real first date with MG (our 2 yo ended up really sick Mon meaning I had to take her to the ER that night, so DH had to cancel his Tues date with MG) and Yes, I was going to have my date first and when I came home DH was going to his date (maybe we can figure out how to have more time with our other relationships and the kids, eventually, tiny steps at first).

They met over drinks. She really likes him and he her. He's worried about how he feels for MG (another one of those emo moments when he returned home). He was concerned he'll feel less for me because of how they connect. I tried explaining to him, "yes you love me so much and feel so in love with me, but on some levels, I just cannot 100% complete you and isn't that what being poly is about? Loving more than just one an having needs met"? MG definitely does something to DH and it makes me so happy for him that something I cannot meet (a need, not really sure what the need is but that's ok, no insecurity or jealousy about it) he can find in another and feels like he could "fall" for her.

But the emo moments were more because 1) he didn't let me know he made it there (I started to worry something happened on his drive {our newbies live over 30 minutes away} an agreement we have on dating someone in another city) and once he made contact (over 3 hours after he left the house) he felt bad and then 2) MG and him were going over to SF's to discuss things but MG didn't show up and it was just him and SF. SF became sexual with him and he finally had to let her know that emotionally, he didn't feel it for her and broke it off. SF was falling hard for DH. I'm glad he did it in person and not through a text or email. Makes me love him so much more for his honesty with everyone involved.

I just can't stop smiling today. :D I did explain to KW about the surgery etc. He said he's probably visiting family in Kentucky at that same time, so we both wouldn't be able to see each other then. I said I wasn't sure I should start a relationship with him before or after that so I decided to do the before. Not sure what we'll do on Wed but it will be fun. :p
 
KW was short lived. I probably screwed it up by being too intense about my feelings. Was sort of hard not to since he led me to believe he really wanted a relationship and it wasn't going to be casual for him. I now have another new item for my list of preferences. If under 30, consider the guy to be a potential fwb who I'll enjoy the fun with and pleasure a young man can provide (the sex was awesome with KW). I forgot how "boys" fuck, like bunnies. :D

DH and MG are going full bloom, very much falling for each other and definitely serious. Tomorrow night we are going out for drinks with her and her husband. It's a full circle, in a way. ;) I "liked" her husband, SG, on okc back in late July/early August (he me at the same time). :) I can't remember if he sent me a message then or not (I think he did) but because we were new to poly, working through jealousy/envy and doing a lot of communicating, I never replied. It wasn't I didn't find him interesting, but what was the point if DH was having issues then.

SG and MG have been poly for many, many years. SG is in a relationship with their massage therapist who is mono, is very emotional about their relationship and from what MG's discussed with DH, breaking it off. SG and I started messaging on OKC this week. Lots of chit chat, banter and teasing. He asked how my poly life was going: slow was my response. He stated he is transitioning with SA (his girlfriend). Always interesting to me how "gossip" works...SG tells MG one thing, she tells DH who tells me...some where along the way what was originally decided between SG & SA has been lost in translation.

I am enjoying the messaging with SG (a bit just like KW's and mine had been). Basics, not much about our interest in each other (it is there or neither of us would be getting to know each other). LOL what started it was DH has been wanting me to meet both of them together. On Thursday she gave us his username on okc, I looked him up and then said to DH "I gave him 5 stars" and looked to see how long ago. Later that night SG sent me a message. We've been chatting since then (except today, he's out hunting and has his evening with SA). He keeps telling me we need to save the conversations for Sunday.

I met MG last Sunday when she met DH outside the gym when he dropped me off. She was in our town on her way to a wikan (not sure spelling) gathering and wanted to see DH. Nice opportune time since I had to, no needed to workout as the breakoff with KW was really screwing with me. She hugged me and is really nice. I could see my metamour and I being close friends (but I have told DH this needs to happen naturally, I don't want it pushed on me).

Then I had plans with KB for yesterday (he would be a fwb) but he couldn't get a sitter so we've rainchecked for another time. Might not be until the new year. SG asked me when my date was (boy it's funny cuz i never told him about my date but DH told MG and viola SG knows) and I replied cancelled. LOL SG's response "that's bullshit".

Okay back to my thoughts about meeting tomorrow night. DH asked me what I would be comfortable with, him touching kissing me and MG both or only one of us. I am not really sure. I'm not sure DH's and MG's intention of us all meeting aside from meeting his girlfriend's husband or if DH & MG are trying to set me and SG up to date. I'm thinking the latter. I've been visualizing tomorrow and I guess we'll just let pda happen organically without expectations. :p

And this week we told CT (our oldest child who will be 16 in Jan) about polyamory. DH was worried. He knew intellectually she could handle it but was worried emotionally not. CT and I have such a good mother-daughter relationship and (makes me think of a post in the relationships corner about "controlling" spouse but even kids future sex lives) I've always discussed things with her. When we decided to have kids, my philosophy was honesty (not detail by detail sex activities) and just tell the kids exactly how it is. She and I have watched shows like Big Love and this British one called Skins together. But I had been worried she wouldn't understand polyamory a few weeks ago. She likes this boy but he's a huge flirt. She said she decided to stop liking him because she wouldn't want to have to deal with being jealous (see my kid knows herself well and is a 4.15 gpa student). They are now trying to hang out with each other after school when he returns from Thanksgiving vacation (kids get all next week off). So we brought her into our room, (the look on her face was "oh no, they're going to tell me they're getting divorced") and I said, "dad and I love each other very much but we also have the ability to love others, it's called polyamory. Our love for you will never change but it's time you know since dad has a girlfriend he's pretty serious about and I, I have a few guys I'll be seeing here and there".

LOL:p her response "well a year ago you told me you were "open" and both of you have dating apps on your phone". DH was shocked she knew about that, he thought she couldn't see it lol. So the feared conversation went great. All three of us (CT, DH and I) discussed when to tell her younger brother (he's 8) and for now, he's not emotionally ready. The youngest is two so she'll be growing up around our "openness" in our home.

Well I hope tomorrow SG and I click because I've enjoyed our banter so far. I am a tad bit leary though if he is transitioning from a break-up that if we do go beyond friend's that I'm more of the rebound but is that possible if you are poly to rebound? I've never thought about that aspect. It seems like rebounding is not applicable as it is for a mono who goes through a breakup. :rolleyes:
 
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It's spelled Wiccan.

Yes, of course it's possible to be "on the rebound" if you're poly. If you're in a relationship of any kind that goes sour and there is a breakup, you need time to recover. You could stop and think if you need time to recover from your short-lived relationship with the young and sexy KW, for example, before jumping into anything with your husband's gf's husband. (Not to mention, quads are graduate level relationships. For example, what if you start something with this guy, but it doesn't work. How will that affect your h's relationship with his gf?)

Speaking of rebounding, I had a short-lived thing with a guy this summer who was more unbalanced than I knew. We had some PMing, a few long phone calls and then a lunch date. However, a couple days after our first date, he tried to kill himself. I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks. His phone went straight to voicemail. He didn't answer texts or PMs. I finally read on one of his dating profiles, what happened. That experience kind of freaked me out and put me right off trying to date ever since. (I mean date anyone besides my 2 primary sweeties.)
 
It's spelled Wiccan.

Yes, of course it's possible to be "on the rebound" if you're poly. If you're in a relationship of any kind that goes sour and there is a breakup, you need time to recover. You could stop and think if you need time to recover from your short-lived relationship with the young and sexy KW, for example, before jumping into anything with your husband's gf's husband. (Not to mention, quads are graduate level relationships. For example, what if you start something with this guy, but it doesn't work. How will that affect your h's relationship with his gf?)

Speaking of rebounding, I had a short-lived thing with a guy this summer who was more unbalanced than I knew. We had some PMing, a few long phone calls and then a lunch date. However, a couple days after our first date, he tried to kill himself. I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks. His phone went straight to voicemail. He didn't answer texts or PMs. I finally read on one of his dating profiles, what happened. That experience kind of freaked me out and put me right off trying to date ever since. (I mean date anyone besides my 2 primary sweeties.)

that is definitely true (the bold). i doubt h and gf have even thought about that side. gf may, as her metamour from hub is their massage therapist who comes to their home for over the last 2 years and she has been dating SG for about 2 to 3 months now.

i do know i have no expectations aside from getting to know SG. we're meeting for drinks then going back to their place (um I can't pass up a large pool and hot tub). even though this is dh's first relationship since this journey started i know i'm ok if he and SG go off for lovings while at their house, i just hope SG will hang out so i'm not sitting there twiddling my thumbs. ;)

MG told DH last night that her husband is the slowest "mover" (in getting a relationship going) on earth and DH told her I was the "fastest". Meeting SG will be good for me.

Yeah, I still think about KW. When we had met and I had the understanding it would be casual, I think I wouldn't have crushed so hard, so fast. Emotionally on the surface I'm fine less than a week later but images of him still appear in my head. And I don't want SG to be my rebound nor do I want to be his rebound. Most good SG's a slow mover, at least then we can get to know each other, let a connection form if it is there, not to be pushed because of outside expectations (DH & SG).:)

I am so sorry about the short-lived from this summer. That is awful and not knowing he had some issues, what a blow. I can see how that will have a long term effect on wanting to meet new people for love or even sex.
 
Happy thanksgiving

Sunday's dinner with MG, SG & DH went off great. LOL but as DH & I were heading over to the restaurant (we live 30-40 min away) I realized the KB might work there. I text him and yep, he works there and was almost off from work. So weird to finally meet a potential fwb while on a date with hub & my metamour and her husband.

Um yeah, so KB is definitely into me as I'm into him. Just some timing issues for us. But the guy's been staying in contact with me for over four months now. It may go slow, but we definitely feel some chemistry. I went there again the next night after dropping DH off at MG's place. He was super busy but it was nice getting to chit chat with him. Me heart goes pit pat, ahhhh. ;)

Dinner was fun, lots of laughing and conversation. Hard to find an item to eat because of the low iodine diet I have been prescribed by the surgeon. The bunless Vegie Burger was perfect.

We went back to metamours place. MG & DH went into the hot tub while SG and I talked. We talked for over an hour when we realized we should join the love birds outside. So SG and I are interested in each other. SG was upfront about the fact he goes really slow in his relationships. This is good since I usually go too fast and wind up disappointed.

And this week I started talking with a new guy CC who is very interested in meeting but we have the Holidays upon us and family visiting. Speaking of family. Due to possible snow in the mountain passes my mother is coming over 5 days earlier than planned. My surgery is in a week. So DH gets tomorrow night with MG (he now has Monday's full overnight, where MG brings him home sometime on Tuesdays and Friday nights) and won't be able to see MG on Mon/Tues as planned. We're not out to any one aside from our oldest child and a few friends. And right before my surgery is not when we un-closet ourselves.

Schedules, SG & I discussed what I'm okay with. Funny he pretty much did the negotiating with me for MG & DH. Sometimes it's easier that way. The Friday's are flexible for change if I need that night. But again, sort of at a stand still with dating due to time constraints and surgery. And MG wants Fridays because she has coping issues from SG being with SA. Funny I seem to find myself (and I think SG is fine too) able to function without my spouse home. It's sort of nice actually. I get the bed to myself to stretch out, when the 2 yo wakes in the night, more room to cuddle her and have found by making the no calling or texting when on way home rule has helped me to get some deeply needed sleep.

I am now finding I don't do well with mornings. Not like dh had been, but I am just not ready for negotiations or being told something on the DH's plans before I've even had a cup of coffee. I find it just a time to actually take advantage of one's weaknesses when they are not fully awake.

Next weekend I'm sure I'll be on here a lot during my recovery. And shoot, I was going to ask SG on a date for Saturday night but now that my mom is planning to come over, well all my dating opportunities are definitely now on the back burner. LAME :rolleyes:
 
I had my thyroid surgery today. Lab results came back benign so only the tumor was removed but in 3 to 5 business days the lab could say cancer. I'm doing good. It's sore but nothing like my c-sections but I can't lay down, that's when it really hurts.

DH is taking awesome good care of me and my metamour and her hub have been so supportive of me, him, us.

Today I have been wide awake, then asleep and eating all within seconds of each other. Guess that's what happens when up at 4 am. And typing/texting makes my eyes close, so weird. Yes it's a struggle a this moment.

DH started a blog. I hope he writes more.

My love life....slow, interesting, guys who "disappeared" or that I "disappeared" from have been in contact with me this week. I began chatting last Friday with someone. It's been different, alas, why are the one's that I do have intellectual, fun conversations with live a few states away? But I like and we chatted on yahoo Monday night. Definitely a way to verify how one looks versus pics.

Okay I'm too groggy.
 
Have a good recovery, and I'm hoping for good lab results!
 
I am now finding I don't do well with mornings. Not like dh had been, but I am just not ready for negotiations or being told something on the DH's plans before I've even had a cup of coffee. I find it just a time to actually take advantage of one's weaknesses when they are not fully awake.

HA - I don't do mornings either. Don't even talk to me before coffee, at least if you want me to agree to anything.

Happy recovery and prayers that the test come back negative for cancer.
 
Sending "get well soon" vibes.
 
Thanks for the get well thoughts. Had a scare today. Swelling under the steri-strips had me worried. I waited until dh came home before I called the dr. DH has been helping with this and caring for me and the surgery site that I needed his thoughts before I called. Dr said completely normal only call back if oozing or a fever over 101/102.

I brought up the "business" part of poly with the ldr guy. He agreed to sti tests before I am in his town. I told him condoms are ok but I want to fluid bond with him. It'll be up to him & if he doesn't he will buy them.

When we cam'd on Monday we had been chattin for the prior three days. During our chat ldr told me he had marked out his calendar for the weekend I'm there.

I'm thinking about how we started chattin. He was in my quick matches....and my pain pills are taking over, this will be where I pick up after some sleep...
 
Um wow, I can be totally wide awake and the second I start typing or texting, the zzz's hit me. Not sure why my brain shuts off, maybe i stop breathing deeply, but it does.

LDR guy - what was i going to blog last night/early this morning about him? Oh yeah, I had contacted him first with a "I will be in your town MLKing Weekend". That's where I informed him I'd be asking him questions and he told me to please do so. The conversation continued with my curious questions as well as us telling each other sexual stories. We communicate great together.

So last Monday we cam'd on yahoo with each other. He was so cute, fumbling around, not sure what he was doing, and told me he's got his calendar marked off for that weekend in January. Kept trying to bribe me to stay at his place (has an extra room) so I could save money but my traveling companions would not appreciate it. Alas, I will meet him at a bar for drinks first, probably on Friday night but depends on my companions schedule for the weekend. At least I should know the schedule that week.

And did I state this last post, if so, sorry...ldr guy is willing to get a std/sti test to be with me without condoms. Although I had mine in July and dh just had his, I'm making an appointment this week to be tested again. And this time requesting I get a paper document with my results. I feel so weird saying I'm negative but no actual proof.

ldr guy at first was all, well I know I'm clean, just got out of a long term relationship and haven't been with any one yet. I still stated it would be condoms if he doesn't get tested. I really like thinking of that conversation with him or even any future potentials as the "business side of poly". :D

So SG and I have been texting and although he finds me attractive, I just didn't feel it the night we went out with our spouses. I like him, he's hilarious and a nice person, but it just isn't there. I asked him yesterday if he was still looking or is he closing (things with SA are working out for him). He stated
most likely closing and we've agreed to be each other's support network. I feel much more comfortable now. I know, ideally, to DH and MG that a quad would be easier for them but in reality, we can't force connections and this connection is a friend only one. But our families do plan to hang out and get to know each other. Also, I felt weird, meeting one of their adult son's, I found myself extremely attracted to him (shh I haven't told dh but he'll know now) and thought that'd be bad. Whew!

The day before my surgery, I was bombarded with guys who disappeared texting me. Guess they must have felt some inclination to say hi. But it did seem strange it was the day before surgery. Now they've quietly disappeared again, go figure.:p

Tomorrow schedules go back to normal. DH should be going over to MG's. Won't really get to do an overnight since I have to meet the boss early to head to an 8 hour tax update class. Not sure if he wants to reschedule to Tuesday since no obligations Wed morning but still not sure. Moving his overnight means an additional cost of daycare for the youngest. But I do need to know so I can schedule my yahoo date with ldr guy. I'm not giving him an identity yet. Outside here he is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _but here, he's gonna just be ldr until i know it's becoming more than a week long virtual fling. Okay, it's beyond a week now but still, with the shitty luck I've had I just don't trust it. :p

Why are they not local? There is another guy, about an hour away North of me I'd like to meet. I need to tell dh about him but not even sure if I will. That's the hard part for me. DH wants me communicating about what's going on with me. I find it hard to say well I started messaging with so and so, but I don't know where it's going and most of the time, it's all that, just messaging. It takes time to weed out guys to find the ones who are truly interested in a poly married lady. Sadly, most the poly guys in my area, well not my type. Doesn't mean I'll write one off, just haven't connected with one yet.
 
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DH needed to move his overnight from last to tonight. I was selfish and more concerned that I might have to raincheck my cam date with ldr guy rather than verbalizing the empathy I had for dh's raincheck. MG's daughter was having her baby.

I did have my cam date. We talked for over an hour. Ldr guy is dating a few ladies. He's actually at the movies with one right now. DH is with MG. She was here at our place today. Hehe dh washed the sheets - they had some fun. :D

Back to ldr guy. I let him know I'm ok with hearing about his dating prospects and he appears to be using the "your married" line back at me.. lol I keep telling him I'm poly first, whether married or not. I think he likes me. ;)

I love that ldr guy is comfortable chattin with me on cam. He's so cute fumbling to get it to work right. Alas I know we'll have our brief time together in January and eventually he plans to go teach ESL in South America in April. I am just happy I met a person I can really communicate with. Meeting will be interesting.
 
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good news

The tumor was benign. No more low iodine diet, no more worries just a lifetime of testing my thyroid levels since I now have half of one.

Date is on with TS on Sat. meeting at a Thai restaurant.
 
I'm so glad to hear your diagnosis!

I don't get the rush to become fluid bonded with ldr guy, clean tests or not.
 
@ Magdlyn - there's no "need" per se for fluid bonding with ldr guy, only just letting him know that if he wants that, he must be tested, otherwise, he'll be wrapped.
 
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There you are! Post more. How did the holidays go with your hubby and MG?
 
@ Magdlyn - there's no "need" per se for fluid bonding with ldr guy, only just letting him know that if he wants that, he must be tested, otherwise, he'll be wrapped.

Oh, well, generally, I don't fluid bond until at least 6 months into a relationship, because until then, how well do you know and trust them to stay "wrapped" with any other partner they may have or get? A clean test one day can be blown the next if he "forgets" or "gets drunk and makes a mistake," or just isn't that trustworthy all around. I guess I test a guy's self control by seeing how well he uses condoms with ME, and an indicator of how consistently he'd use them with other partners if he was bareback with me.

I swear, some guys act like they are doing you a favor to use a condom. I even had one new guy tell me, "I brought you a present," as he took out a condom, like I was supposed to thank him or something. !!! Doesn't he care about his own health, and the health of his primary? Sheesh.
 
So back on the 15th, I think it was, I drove over an hour away to have a date with TS. Great time at dinner, definite attraction, we go back to his place, have some drink, lots of talking, protected sex and about an hour later, the dude gets shitfaced and pukes.

I couldn't stay. A child's throw up is so different than an adult you just met. I made sure he was in a position to not choke on it. Gawd that was awful. I decided I might give him a second chance if he contacts me. He does and says he wants to see me again. The next day he meditates and has an epiphany that I'm an adulteress.

Apparently I just have bad luck on thinking I'm weeding out the bad ones. I seriously need to start getting more in touch with my intuition more than any thing and if it says "cancel and run", I friggin' need to cancel and run.

Let's just say this bad date didn't help me any on feeling compersion when I got home and MG was there. DH wanted me to sleep in bed with them but I am so not ready for that. I had a really hard time when I woke on the couch the next morning. I need to back track though because as I read in some threads, "jealousy/envy" can be triggered not by that feeling truly but by other events.

Those events were:

-10 days prior had a partial thyroid lobetcomy
-this was on sunday morning and on friday, our van's motor went out. told it'd be about $2500 at the least to put in an engine with 155,000 on it...just was very very overwhelmed with this financial stress.
-the following that I state is not to make DH out to be a bad guy, it's just what NRE AND BEING IN LOVE does
so this saturday night when DH had MG over was their 4th date from that sun to sat AND I HAD HUGE ISSUES WITH IT

Envy - well I have huge amounts of it and it is not jealousy. MG is awesome and I could never ask for another metamour. I do have issue with taking advantage (this was MG's own words) of my inability to say NO. I caused it by not voicing how it was affecting me until it was too late. Another lesson learned about myself...I can't just say "ok" because I don't want to come off as not fair. If I'm feeling I need DH on my days I need to frickin' say so.

Envy - I felt it was not right to go out on a date with MG when I was on a date. Our "boundary/rule" was 2 overnights for each of us (so a parent is always home - we can't always make the teen be the babysitter unless it's for DH AND I to have a date). But when he asked if I was going to be home, I didn't know what would happen with TS. I SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO" but again, that silent part in my brain was like, well if you say NO you're not being fair.

Outcome: as of now the 2 overnights are set in stone. No extra visits during the week for a few months so I have time to adjust to this new life style, this change in my own personal life. I have stated I am willing to renegotiate in two months.

Outcome: Unplanned/surprise visit are a NO until Jan 10th. Actually it would be a further out date but since I will be out of town in Oregon ML King weekend and that DH and MG already have plans of her staying with him the entire weekend is why I have that date. When I return, we will need to discuss and renegotiate how I feel about impromptu visits. At this moment, I don't think I'm okay with them.

It's taken me some time to start feeling normal again. That normal where I was with compersion before surgery. I didn't even have envy then. It really sucks. Funny about that week that ended on the 15th and the new one that began on the 16th, not only have my normal hormones changed from the surgery, my period started and the financial stress. I feel and know now that if I only had to deal with one change, the surgery, I would have handled the morning of the 16th much better. I'm not making excuses for loosing my shit. Those things did affect my coping abilities.

What's been happening since that weekend ended. We got a new vehicle. So a big stress has disappeared. The period ended...starting to feel more like me. That Monday is DH and MG's overnight. And to state how awesome MG is, she loaned us a beater vehicle to get through the weekend (I had a rental for the date) until we bought something. Their Friday had to be cancelled due to my work's Christmas Party.

That was fun. Didn't really get to chat much with co-workers due to how the restaurant had the catered event layed out. Seriously...put us in the bar and not have the tables next to each other. It snowed like a hurricane so travels were slow but still a fun night.

Due to Christmas DH and MG rescheduled their Monday night to Sunday. Monday DH and I went out and bought Christmas presents for the kids and had our first date in over two months. There that's were he and I have slipped in our relationship. We must maintain having a date night once a week for ourselves. With the schedules we agreed to: Sun both home, Mon his night, Tues to Thur he's home so I need to pick a night that is mine (my night that I would go out whether on a date or by myself = but what sucks is the teen has soccer until 6 pm so I don't really get "my time") so that is what I have to work on...getting a night to myself and logically I think Wed night would work best, Fri is dh's night, Sat is my night and the cycle repeats.

I've discussed with SG about rescheduling when any one is not able to do their night. I don't know if not being flexible is being lame but maybe it's because of where I got that week of the 9th through 16th I really feel if you have to cancel, make ups don't happen. It's not just DH and MG who has to "reschedule" but SG, SG's girlfriend, and me. But then again I see the logic of where that isn't "fair" but maybe it's on hold until mid-February. I still haven't discussed this yet. I may never as again, I'm not trying to control, I'm just trying to gain my own independence in this relationship. At times I feel like it's not ok that I try to meet another. Seems weird since DH is definitely poly now. I believe he truly went on this journey to please me and now he has another and does not want to go back. The funny thing is I've never asked him to go back. I don't want to be mono. So I've had some bad luck. I'll get over it and move on. Yet this is why it's important for me to actually go out on my own, alone on my "days". The okc world is nothing but a headache and waste of my time. I can't meet anyone by going out with DH nor by staying at home. Now it's just a matter of setting that into motion.

So Tues Christmas Eve DH and I went out for a shot and a drink since my birthday is Christmas. Came home, let kiddos open their one present on Christmas Eve, got them to sleep, put out Santa presents and at 4 am, the youngest gave her momma a puke present. Yep...all over me. By 5:30 that night I came down with the flu and three hours later DH was sick too.

Thursday night went to the ER due to a rash all over my body. If I hadn't had the surgery I wouldn't have been so worried but I didn't want to risk anything in case it wasn't just a case of the hives. DH had to cancel Friday night with MG. Yesterday I got out, albeit a bit light headed and what not, but by evening I was feeling back to being healthy with just a cough. DH isn't any better today. It seems it stays with some longer than others.

So this week is New Year's Eve. I've already requested of DH that if SG and MG invite us to go out with them some where that we decline. I'm all about feeling compersion for DH and MG but when DH is my date I'm not in a state to feel compersion if they decide to sneak off for a kiss or whatever. And to avoid me not handling that well, it's just best to avoid the situation all together. Like I said...I am not quite back to the pre-surgery me. I will get there but I need time and it has to go at my pace, not the pace of the NRE folks. At least I've recognized this in me and am honest about it. I really believe I just have to be honest with how I feel and speak it rather than keep it in and think I can internalize it and it'll just be okay.

Well that's where I've been. I'm praying/hoping DH gets over this awful bug and gets back to normal.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and drinks smart!!;)
 
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I'm sorry for what all you've been through, what with health issues and envy and your h's NRE.

I agree, you need to learn to say "no," and know what your needs are and make your wishes known. This summer I was under a lot of stress, and Ginger was trying to date 3 people and it drove me batty, dealing with hearing about them and all the various issues around them getting together.

My stressors were: a move to a new house (moving in with my gf and getting used to that, plus unpacking, getting to know the new town), my gf having big traumas at work and in her family, which triggered her anxiety issues, and then me having a date with a guy who then tried to commit suicide. Having Ginger dating through all that sent me over the edge!

And you had cancer and surgery! I'd have to say that is even more stressful.

As far as your bad date with Puking Guy, how could that have gone better? For me, no hard drinking, and no sex on a first date seems to help. You can only do so much weeding of OKC guys in chat and on the phone before that first date. I always meet in public, I don't have more than 2 drinks, and I don't take them home, even for making out. Some/most guys will say and do anything to get laid. So, they may seem like Mr Right, until that first shag. Then their true colors come out. If they are right for you, they will be willing to have a date or two in public before they want sex.

I've learned all this from doing things wrong! :p :rolleyes:
 
I'm sorry for what all you've been through, what with health issues and envy and your h's NRE.

I agree, you need to learn to say "no," and know what your needs are and make your wishes known. This summer I was under a lot of stress, and Ginger was trying to date 3 people and it drove me batty, dealing with hearing about them and all the various issues around them getting together.

My stressors were: a move to a new house (moving in with my gf and getting used to that, plus unpacking, getting to know the new town), my gf having big traumas at work and in her family, which triggered her anxiety issues, and then me having a date with a guy who then tried to commit suicide. Having Ginger dating through all that sent me over the edge!

And you had cancer and surgery! I'd have to say that is even more stressful.

As far as your bad date with Puking Guy, how could that have gone better? For me, no hard drinking, and no sex on a first date seems to help. You can only do so much weeding of OKC guys in chat and on the phone before that first date. I always meet in public, I don't have more than 2 drinks, and I don't take them home, even for making out. Some/most guys will say and do anything to get laid. So, they may seem like Mr Right, until that first shag. Then their true colors come out. If they are right for you, they will be willing to have a date or two in public before they want sex.

I've learned all this from doing things wrong! :p :rolleyes:

Thanks for the empathy on stressors, it's helps knowing it happens to the best of us.

Dating - yeah I don't get drunk but I had no control over puker. And with him, I asked him tons of questions about being ok with dating a poly married lady and he, at the time, was ok with all of it. I'm like bofish in that I've never dated and this is a huge learning experience for me. I never dated dh, we had been friends a few years prior to seeing each other.

LOL so when we as individuals "give up" the hunt, since that is what trying to find another is, then we get flooded with messages. Still overwhelming. I now have a guy up in the same town as puker who wants to be my slave. I'm a little into bdsm but in all honesty it's not high on my priority list at this time. I told him I'd let him know today and my answer will be I'm not able to be his Domme.

Oh HAPPY 2014 TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!
 
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