Thread: The closed FMF
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Old 02-24-2017, 10:32 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NW Minnesota
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
I haven't even been able to get a list of the available social groups, at least not on the first try.
Community >> Social Groups >> View All Groups
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/group.php?do=grouplist

(The part that does bug me is that there is only one category available... & that'sUncategorized. At least, I'd think that having "regional" & "other" would be somewhat useful.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
Maybe having more specific sections (such as we have the dating&friendships section, with the "Europe" subforum) would help the cause better?
What in part started me on this thread was in fact the common misunderstandings of how the (rather simple) forum structure works here. Noobs show up on Introductions & plead for help, or Meetings and Events to try hooking up with people, in both places not unusually chattering at four-year-old posts. Of those who do so in the latter, roughly half post once, get no response, & are gone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
I'm not sure that presenting their problems to a more specific audience would help. ... I guess there is some sweetspot to be met.
The "sweet spot" (IMO) would be to keep noobs around long enough to get some sort of empathetic-yet-solid feedback.

That might also mean that we can reduce the number of... oh, not wanting to sound mean but... training wheels discussions.

That's from my IRL experience, where every freakin' poly discussion-group meeting ALWAYS turned into "Jealousy: Threat, or Menace?" & soon enough drove actual practicing polyfolk away, leaving... well, one or two well-intentioned fools repeating the same litany, meet after meet. Those in a stable, happy relationship would show up & feel as though they were being talked down to, with noobs haranguiing them about the imminent danger of Jealousy. (And when I attended one with a very cute lover, the presentation soon fell apart with all the head-swivelling from the single males & "couples seeking," which seemed to indicate why they were actually there. )

Online, maybe they can work better amongst themselves, with reduced distractions & side-talk, given a spot that encourages focus. That place is NOT the general fora.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
I often find myself unexpectedly able to relate to stories which on the surface don't have much in common with my own experience, or not able to relate at all to someone in the same poly configuration. So if I ask a question I find that the more people read it, the better.
That's a logic leap, from "I learn so much (well, sometimes) from threads that bog down in crosstalk" to "therefore, when I have a problem I need help with, I seek out the high-distraction area."

The latter can certainly happen... for those of us with a fairly high degree of English literacy, & some ability to express ourselves properly & adequately in print, & some willingness to stand up for what we believe to be right AND to compromise when faced with a likely need for change. That does, though, clearly tend to exclude some.

That first part is certainly true -- a degree of chaos often stirs up nuggets of wisdom that otherwise get buried in boring old structure. But (again) not everyone is comfortable reading a complex thread, & I'd argue that someone who's been stuck in Romantic monogamy & is only recently familiar with the barest concept of polyamory --which seems to cover many first-time posters -- is ill suited to glean any positives from the whirlwind.

I'd hope that some Social Group or other could be a "safe space" where -- besides finding support & aid from actual peers -- they'd also give each other some breathing space, learn how the site works with less pressure, comment amongst themselves on the hot Forum threads, glance past grammatic imperfection, & overall feel less risk of judgment or criticism for honestly-made errors.
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