Introvert/Extrovert Casual Survey

monolicious

New member
So I am mono, and a fairly strong introvert, which brings its own challenges (and advantages) into a mono/poly dynamic.

I was just wondering how many people here identify as introverts, how many as extroverts, and what your partner is (intro or extro), and what their OSO's are?

To be clear, I define introvert as a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

Because of this, introverts tend to be very selective in choosing their relationships, and may have only a few intimate friends.

In contrast, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people, and is drained by being alone.

Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough.

So, I am a mono/introvert, my husband is a poly/extrovert, and his OSO (until recently) was a mono/extrovert.

What about you?
 
I'm no longer in a poly relationship, but the one I was in:

She: Poly, extrovert, He: Poly, introvert, Me: ??, introvert

It was interesting though because on the surface she appeared to be the introvert as she was much quieter in social gatherings, and he much more socially outgoing/talkative. But social gatherings charged her up, and drained him.
 
Me: Poly, and a little of both.....Wife: learning poly, and extrovert......GF: poly, definate introvert.
 
Hey Mono,

By the definitions you offered I guess I'd fall to the introvert side. My mate would definitely fall to the extrovert side.

The problem I have with large groups is not with a 'comfort' level but with an inability to concentrate with a big volume of background noise/activity. And maybe that's where the 'draining' component comes in - trying to absorb all the stuff from multiple directions.
I'm the type that attempts to be fully present in a conversation, trying to get the full range of expressed communication. Tone, body language, hidden (or fuzzy) meanings etc. Too many distractions make this difficult. Add to that, if I pick up something interesting going on in another conversation that peaks my interest, I want 'in' on that (focus). Now I'm caught between being rude (not present in the 1st conversation) and pulled away from what may be a more interesting or relative conversation. So my poor brain starts oscillating -bing/bong, bing/bong. Net result - I end up losing much/most from BOTH ! I've always questioned that humans can TRULY multi-task with anything that requires or deserves real focus. Not convinced it's possible.

Now of course I'm not sure how much this applies or matters when you're only talking about frivolous conversation/interaction. Meaningless small talk. In that setting it doesn't matter. But I'm not big on that kind of environment anyway - seems mostly a waste of time to me. Comfortable ? Sure. Preferable ? No.

Her - she's fine with that. Passes time, provides entertainment value etc.

Each to their own - right ?

GS
 
The problem I have with large groups is not with a 'comfort' level but with an inability to concentrate with a big volume of background noise/activity. And maybe that's where the 'draining' component comes in - trying to absorb all the stuff from multiple directions.
I'm the type that attempts to be fully present in a conversation, trying to get the full range of expressed communication. Tone, body language, hidden (or fuzzy) meanings etc. Too many distractions make this difficult. Add to that, if I pick up something interesting going on in another conversation that peaks my interest, I want 'in' on that (focus). Now I'm caught between being rude (not present in the 1st conversation) and pulled away from what may be a more interesting or relative conversation. So my poor brain starts oscillating -bing/bong, bing/bong. Net result - I end up losing much/most from BOTH ! I've always questioned that humans can TRULY multi-task with anything that requires or deserves real focus. Not convinced it's possible.

This is me to a T! After an especially hard day at work, it's not uncommon for me to ask Indigo to wait before telling me about his day. I want to focus on what he says, but simply can't and so I need him to wait so he gets the attention he deserves.

I'm often mistaken for an extrovert because I am lively with the right group of friends. However it's extremely draining for me and I definitely need my recharge time.
 
I'm an introvert, big time. I can be alone for days and not be the least bit bothered by it. When I'm surrounded by lots of people, I sometimes get anxious and have to take a deep breathe to calm myself down.

There was a relevant thread on here about the Myers Briggs personality types and polyamory. You might want to check that out, a lot of these things came up there.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=689
 
thanks for pointing out the Myers Briggs thread SC.

I am one point into E with the MB test. Both of my men are Introverts. Hm, Derby I don't know. I think she might be an Introvert too. Leo is an Introvert also. As is my ex wife.

I tend to be attracted to Introverts. I like that they remind me of the side of myself. Besides, when I come home from being energized by being social there is a whole host of home bodies to come home to :D more energizing when I get home.

I cannot be alone for long. I shrivel up and die inside. I am working on that, but I have some big time abandonment issues around it and really just get very scared when I am left alone too long.:eek:

On the other hand I am not good with a big crowd all clammering to talk, like at a big party. I like to go and just watch people. I try to talk to others but become overwhelmed and shut down. I think people think I am snobby or judgmental when I do that, but I don't really know... they tend to walk away and avoid me so that is why I have that idea... some try and invite me into a conversation but I usually end up leaving thinking I have failed in some disastrous way.

The only time I leave a social situation feeling like I have not failed is when I meet with people one on one or in a small group actually... hmmm...

thanks for this... it has given me some insight on myself that I had not processed before.. I appreciate that.:)
 
i havent' thought about this before.

my closest friends are more introverted.

my boyfriends wife is totally extroverted, he is introverted i feel, and i am in the middle....as usual! lol.

do you think that you and your SO balance eachother well?
 
I would say both my husband and I are on the introvert side, probably one of the reasons we both married relatively late compared to our relatives (though many of our friends married at ages similar to ours). We're not total introverts though - we do get a positive charging from interactions with people very close to us gathered in low numbers. I hate the dynamic of large parties and small talking about nothing and trying to meet people that way. I end up watching the party, and my husband is not really much better at the large party dynamic either. My ideal social evening is a dinner party for no more than a total of 8 people, where maybe one or two are new and the rest are known.
 
I fall right in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. RP is most definitely an extrovert and I think my husband is too, although he's not one to go out in search of large groups but he does like to socialize.
 
I fall right in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. RP is most definitely an extrovert and I think my husband is too, although he's not one to go out in search of large groups but he does like to socialize.
really, he totally relies on tons of alone time to rejuvenate... he pulls of a good impression of extroversion though, both men do. You and I are similar I guess. ;)
 
I/E

I'm quite introverted, as is Beloved. I don't know for sure where Pool Boy falls on the spectrum - I would guess more introverted than extroverted. The man I'm currently casually dating is definitely an extrovert which has been an interesting change of pace.
 
I'm typically more introverted, although my job requires a great deal of interaction with other people. I do struggle with assertiveness and confrontation at times, but I think I've been able to overcome alot of that in recent years. I grew up with very loud, outspoken people so I think that's where I get my introversion from.

My husband is a tough one to peg... He's definitely quiet at times, but can also be very well spoken and confident. I would think he's introverted by choice, unlike me who can be introverted because of discomfort and insecurity.

My boyfriend is a University Drama Major so one guess what he is :p He's a very likable guy, gets along well with all kinds of people.
 
When considering myself as either introvert or extrovert I guess it depends on weather an introvert avoids social settings and an extrovert seeks them.

I don't seek social settings and feel quite comfortable by myself. When I find myself in social settings I am very social however. Socializing is enjoyable but not a "need" for me. Friendships are also like that so who knows? Can you be a mix?
 
When considering myself as either introvert or extrovert I guess it depends on weather an introvert avoids social settings and an extrovert seeks them.

I don't seek social settings and feel quite comfortable by myself. When I find myself in social settings I am very social however. Socializing is enjoyable but not a "need" for me. Friendships are also like that so who knows? Can you be a mix?
This question is asked in terms of how you regain your strength,,, in a group? or by yourself. The OP is using this concept to determine introversion and extroversion. How would you fare Mono?
 
This question is asked in terms of how you regain your strength,,, in a group? or by yourself. The OP is using this concept to determine introversion and extroversion. How would you fare Mono?

Ahhhh.. Thanks Bbay, definitely by myself:) There is a a potential problem with this though. It has set me up to think the best solution to any problem is to strip myself of everything and be purely alone...that's never a good thing when you love people and they love you. Moderation is the key :D
 
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