Why and how did you get into poly?

What type of poly origin did you have?

  • I've always had poly tendencies and never really took to monogamy

    Votes: 42 12.7%
  • I've always had poly tendencies and tried to be monogamous before

    Votes: 119 35.8%
  • I fell in love with a poly person and have adapted to the lifestyle

    Votes: 50 15.1%
  • I read or heard about someone else's poly experiences and thought it could work for me

    Votes: 42 12.7%
  • Other

    Votes: 79 23.8%

  • Total voters
    332
I'm poly because...

... I'm not capable of ethical monogamy and personal happiness simultaneously.

... I tend to be mistrustful of dominant paradigms.

... I want to live my life as myself and without regrets.

... sexual intimacy is one of the most pleasurable ways of growing closer to the important people in my life.

... it dovetails neatly with the cooperative living tangle I've created.

... I enjoy the challenge of it all.

... I'm free to relate to each person in my life in the way that makes the most sense for the two of us.


How lucky we are...
 
I am Poly because.........

Well as i stated in my intro (as someone stated I'm 2nd generation poly) I was raised to understand that love is not a limited emotion.but the following is why i do it "my way"
My wife is my everything and she is bi .she deserves to be her self. Once she told me she couldn't see her self loving another let alone a women. well shes on her third long term lovin relationship with a women "told ya so".
hope that sums it up...
 
@redpepper sorry i think i wasn`t clear i`m talkin about only my current reasons to cover the entire reasons would take a book the size of War and Peace
 
Now I know the truth: Institutionalized Monogamy, and Capitalism. We nick those, we'll be good to go!

YES!

I don't know if it's possible for me to give a "reason" why I'm poly as it isn't really something I decided to be so much as it's something I could never really deny. The main things that lead to actually living this lifestyle instead of trying to repress it were: 1. A realization that my marriage was never really going to work as long as it was monogamous and I was trying to fit a model that was all wrong for me, and 2. Falling for my boyfriend and fully realizing my ability to be in two romantic relationships simultaneously.
 
@Rocsolid- Interesting that you identify as poly when it is your wife that has other lovers.

As someone who is in the exact same position(only change wife with girlfriend), could you clarify?

And for me, the main reason I identify as poly is out of necessity. My current SO is unable to meet all of my needs(and I would say that no single SO I can have will meet all or even most of my needs). Some of these needs are ones that I view as critical. The only ways to meet these needs are to date other people. So I could either be poly, drastically change my needs, or be unhappy.

Being poly simply seems to be the most efficient way to get more of my needs met while causing as little collateral damage as possible.
 
I`m poly, because sex, or D/s relationships with people I don`t care about/feel something for, (and also having them feel something towards me. ) bores the shit out of me.


Yep,...that`s it in a nutshell.
 
I love this explanation from response above:

"I'm free to relate to each person in my life in the way that makes the most sense for the two of us."

There are some people who you encounter in your life who you really care for and bring a lot to your life, but who you simply can't maintain purely platonic feelings for. The sense of what this person will bring to your life when you fully realize that relationship outweighs the "simplicity" of maintaining monogomy. To deny your feelings feels like a repression of your identity, and the weight of that repression is more than you care to live with. Even if your primary relationship feels very whole and happy, you realize that your own identity and self is bigger than one relationship, and that self can have further capacity for want and need than any one relationship can provide.

Those are my 2 cents, but so new to this and still learning so much about myself daily.
 
Very perceptive!

:)This explanation does it for me. It also helps me better understand my partner.

Thanks
 
I started to answer this morning but had to take the day to think about it & I'm still not 100% sure of my reasons.

I've tried monogamy twice. The first time might have worked if other things hadn't gone horribly wrong. The second time there's no way things would have worked whether poly or mono.

I'm poly because that's the way I best relate to people.

I can't be someone's one & only. I have many different interests & I expect my partners do as well. I tried the 'one & only' way and found it impossible. I can't spend 24/7 with someone, I have to have outside relationships in order to get other needs met.

Well companie's here so gotta go.
 
While thinking over my answer to this thread, I just conjectured something about myself that would somewhat scare me, if it's true.

I learned about the concept of polyamory a few years ago, when I was a freshman in highschool, from a novel I was reading. (Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein) Perhaps I fell in love with the description of a loving, polyamorous household. The idea of loving many without dilution was beautiful and desirable; not once did I think I was not capable of such a love. Since then, I have been philosophically polyamorous.

Looking back, I found my beliefs confusing. As a younger child, I had always been a hopeless romantic, in love with love, always looking for it, always fantasizing about finding the one, my prince.

I looked deeper and decided that the seeds of polyamory were already there, even at that young age, when I hadn't yet been exposed to the idea that polyamory even existed. As an innocent elementary schooler, I had been prone to having crushes on several boys at once, even when I had a boy who I "liked" (I guess, a "primary crush"). But, such could also be seen as keeping my options open.

That unconscious mindset has stayed with me to this day. In the meantime, I acquired one long-lasting unrequited love that shall never come to fruition and one long-lasting turbulent love that has recently become my lover. So, I see the possibility for being polyamorous has already manifested in me.

The only problem is, I still long for a perfect monogamous love as much as perfect polyamorus love. My current lover is not my perfect match in a monogamous way, nor are my crushes. Sometimes, I say that I would become monogamous if I found the right partner.

I fear that I am only polyamorous because my ideals are high and therefore cannot be met in one person. I fear that I love multiple because I think that one is not enough. I fear that that is not polyamory without dilution. I fear that this will lead to hurting those that I love.

I fear this post is too long. :p
 
@Bucephalus

Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage
 
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Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage


I'm afraid that, to me, that is definitely a YMMV thing. For me, every aspect of my life pushes my buttons and boundaries and makes me grow. My workplace demands a high level of quality, my spiritual life requires that I confront my personal challenges on a daily basis, and my physical pursuits push me to my absolute limit. For me, my relationships have to at least sometimes not add to the almost insane challenge of everyday life.
 
For me a perfect relationship is one that fills me with comfort and peace. I'm not into being pushed or challenged. Keep it simple and keep it calm.
 
Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage

I would agree for me. I like a challenge, obstacles etc. But not everyone does :)...I liek the growth it forces on me. I find it far to easy to stagnate in life.
 
I've been thinking about how to phrase this since this topic was started. Bear with me as I'm not having the easiest time with how to express myself. One of the reasons I'm poly is because of the extra support. There's almost always someone who can step in and be the strong shoulder to lean on when things aren't going well elsewhere in your life and in your relationships. It's having those extra listning ears who are there for you and who have your best interests at heart.

I really saw this last week with redpepper. She was going through a tough time and I saw Mono step in and be what she needed at that moment. Having those different people around with different personalities helps you to move through things quicker and get to a healthy place again. Ideally everyone involved is invested in seeing all the connected relationships suceed.

-Derby
 
I really saw this last week with redpepper. She was going through a tough time and I saw Mono step in and be what she needed at that moment. Having those different people around with different personalities helps you to move through things quicker and get to a healthy place again. Ideally everyone involved is invested in seeing all the connected relationships succeed.

you stepped in too sweets. Don't under estimate what you mean to me and how my making myself vulnerable has made our connection deeper.

I agree entirely, sometimes it's like having a circle of BFF's. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that and be able to give to that in return sometimes.
 
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