Another Planet

moonstone

New member
I am just embarking on this myself.

I have never been married and therfore I have been leased by the planet to spread love.

I never wanted anything more than to be special and supreme in some mans life but then men i was attracted to were not the ones that could provide that sort of thing and I experienced so much misery that I saw no other way to live than to accept what joy I did derive from these beings and if I could not then it would be wise for me to walk away. All those relationships ended too late, I lost a great deal of vitality on them.

Everyone has a story on how they got to this point. I had to shed a thousand skins. Its just a whole different perspective and a way to expand your mind. It is about love and not sex. Sex is so thankless without it.

I feel as though im on a fringe but I find people increasingly attractd to me the more I can let go. It is tough on them so the person who is the polyamorist has a great responsibility in keeping the peace.

I write in here to catch up with my thoughts. Any thoughs are welcome.
 
Follow up

The two men that i wasnt to have a polyamourous relationship were consumed in ego. One was simply unable to bring himself to meet the other. I find this very sad. I understand being formally a monogamous person but Being monogamous i also remember having serious conflicts about WHY this person and I cant be happy unless i feel he is ALL mine. Why does that have to be in place to enjoy the company of another? We all need reconditioning. Latter..
 
I'm gonna be honest. I think it's harder for straight men to be a part of a poly relationship. Like you said, it's all about the ego. Also remember that this lifestyle isn't always for everyone. I think a lot of people think this is just a means of legal cheating, which of course it's not. It's much more complicated than that. ;) Keep us updated!
 
Moonstone,

Am I to understand that you'd like to have two (or more) lovers, but that you don't want either of them to have that same option or freedom?
 
Um, no

I would like for them to have other women. Very much.

They are happy with just me and one is unwilling to meet the other. Or, primary doesnt want to meet secondary and secondary wasnt so sure anyway either.

All I ask from a man is for whomever they date, is to introduce them to me.

I was hurt very badly when an ex-boyfriend that i agreed to have relations with would not introduce me to his girlfriend. It went on for five years. I suppose in not introducing me he felt somewhat powerful or something.

I really suffered as Pisceans are so apt to do. I never wanted to feel like I did not exist again. I always treat people the way I want to be treated. So I would love to have a big happy family someday of lovers and girlfriends and such. My family was very scarce. I also have trouble getting along with women. I think this way women and I would get along great! Yea..I know..Im thinking ahead.
 
oh and

"I think it's harder for straight men to be a part of a poly relationship. Like you said, it's all about the ego. Also remember that this lifestyle isn't always for everyone. I think a lot of people think this is just a means of legal cheating, which of course it's not."

Danny,
Its true, I have yet to meet a strong enough man. I have been through so much pain..that is why i had to let go of all the foolishness. Otherwise Id still be clinging. Its funny now that i am older I want to "cling" less.. Its the only way i can stay healthy until of course I can find the "one" ha haheeha. Once that happens I may not need more OR if he can be cool also there can still be a family...Just never a conventional one.

I mean I cant say I am monogamous or polyamorous...Polyamory is part of our evolution I think. I may condemn monagamy but for romantic reasons I can also be a party to it, although i do not forsee that. I dont think monagamy is right for many reasons though...These are ideals as of yet.
 
Some people don't want to meet the other person. I think it is nice when it does happen because real faces are put on the person, which tends to lessen jealousy. Maybe given time, they may want to meet up to satisfy their curiosity. But I wouldn't push it. Let them find their own comfort level.
 
yeap.

Thing is, I had to sort of break up with both. They were drivng me crazy, getting all proprietary. Now I see the one that lives closer to me as friends, often (no sex) and the one that lives far I call him when I need a lover. No discussing any details with either one. That makes my life less complicated. I was willing to work for the polyamory but not to ease anyones consciousness, continually. It matters so much to men who you are sleeping with men. Women only care about who you really love. I can handle my man sleeping with another but I better be in the picture.
 
Yeah..I'm on the other planet in many aspects (motivations behind polyamory, inability to put myself in a poly frame of mind to better understand) but totally on the same planet where it counts! Compersion where it is most needed, constant communication, immense love, genuine caring for other people.

I do understand how polyamory works but will not even pretend to "feel" what it means to be polyamorous. I'm monogomous and can't imagine loving someone else intimately..i.e having sex.

I certainly do care about who my Lover is sleeping with and who she might be interested in exploring. That is just who I am and she accepts me in knowing this which makes me smile with a brilliant grin every time I see her:)
 
I think when you cant find the perfect person...you may be apt to having your cake and eating to.
You found the perfect woman for you.

I suppose if i could have it all in one man and he were monogamous and prefered me to be monagamous...Being that I am less dominant than most... I would probably be happy to comply.. But we shall see if that ever happens and how I will be able to address it.. Would love to report back here with that info.
Would my ideals prevail?? Or would I just go back to the norm?
Oh and Mono..I know how you feel.. I felt that way once also. That was also very "ideal" but my love was not nurtured and ...walla...here i am.
 
I sort of skimmed the thread

I sort of skimmed the thread, and I see that it is moving along toward happiness. I believe in happiness, and if not happiness, contentment.

I came to polyamory the long way around. I suppose a lot of us do, but I believe I came through the veil of death, by the way of the river of tears, and the discovery of empathy.

It is one thing to cry for yourself. It is quite another to grieve for others, and all of mankind.

Anyway, I didn't want to hijack the thread, I just wanted to note the progress and declare the goal.

I figured it like this:

I have been advised by the spirit that "like in the days of Sodom and Gommorah" there are not many righteous on the earth. I was searching, and could not find the love. I found a lot of people who live inside the box of loving and protecting one partner and the family. A lot of them work that way, and cheat and connive in our communities. Many are just abusive to other people. I figured if I could convince one, then maybe we could work together, and convince another. The tendency to be abusive to other people, or groups of people based on "philosophy off the rack" is very prevalent in our society.

Poly is "free thinking" philosophy, and has yet to show any "off the rack" versions. Islam is close, but involves marriages, and seems to lead to abuse of women. The basic ownership features of marriage are one of the prime indications of a dysfunctional social model. Once the jealousy and ownership are removed; the love can proceed to grow, and then flourish.

So here I am. I have left earth, and am living on "another planet" without all of that "rocket science" that others might need.
 
Last edited:
Hi Alphafour.
I like the last line. we can be monogamous or polyamourous but what is important is that there is no hiding behind anything. That is how i live. I want to set an example of yet another way a way of less taboo to express yourself in a freer manner. When i went to Italy i learned how they are very open in expressions of love. There are not many sexual Taboos there, at least amonst youth.
Polyamory keeps me in check so I have to constantly question myself and my motives.
 
Whoa! Back up!

I'm a straight man and I'm poly. Between 1972 and 1980, I had 8 very close female friends and lovers, at the same time, and they all knew each other and that they shared me sexually. Some were even bi or gay themselves, but we were a family. They all, except for the gay ladies, had men other than myself. Two were even married (open).

Between 1980 and 1985, I tried to be monogomous, but failed. My then wife questioned all the partnerless women who would show up at our parties and she finally asked if I was "cheating." I answered honestly, "Yes." I suffered painfully the loss of her in my life.

I didn't know my behavior was 'polyamory' back then. I just thought I had a sexual addiction problem, until I was trying once again to be monogomous. For the past 19 years, I have been trying to live monogomously. All the while, pining away over my past loves. My wife was aware of my past and aware of my vulnerability towards women, so she wouldn't even let me have a male friend during this whole time. I tried to obey, because I was feeling extreme guilt over cheating in my prior marriage. "I would die first before I cheat again," I vowed.

After my son was born in 1994, sex with my wife dropped to once a year. After 1998, I stopped having sex with her altogether. In fact, I'm still sexless to this
day. I thought it was because I was the one who stayed home and raised
James while my wife would work for almost 12 hours a day. Being physically close to my baby son would occationally give me erections, so I spent a lot of time suppressing them mentally and avoiding all situations that hinted of sex, which included my wife.

Living the life of a Martyr didn't work either. Finally, i left, blaming her for not letting me have friends. She found I had joined a few single's websites and accussed me of trying to replace her. I tried to explain to her that I wasn't trying to replace, just find other friends. "Female friends?" was her response.

Well, our divorce is final, now. And now that I've moved back to my home State, I feel strangely free to love my wife again. I still think fondly about the wife I had prior to her. Presently, I am close to three new women besides these two wives. One has a boyfriend, one is solidly married, and the third is soloing it. I still haven't had sex since 1998. In fact, when I do think about sex, the very first thing that comes to my mind is a female, not a male, not a chicken, cow, nor sheep, not a watermelon, nor a soft squoosy avacato. And what do I do when sexual desire becomes a problem? I approach it the way I do every problem. I grasp it firmly in hand and work out a solution. Visual aides? Japanese soft porn. Ooooh, I love sashimi.

Our divorce
 
i cant understand the post above and what you are trying to say? Youd rather avoid sex because.... of all the problems it brings about? that sort of makes sense. Maybe you have just become asexual as well. so you can be both poly and asexual. Very interesting.
 
sexual or sexless

My dear sister Moonstone,

If you're confused, it's only because I may be confused myself. I love sex. I dream about sex, but now, only as a thing of the past. I am 56 years old, out of shape and as ugly as a worty frog's ass.

I can find myself falling in love with someone because of their personality, regardless of what they may look like, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, lust after some young thing for her yummy young body just like the Vampire that I am.

However, for some reason, I'm not getting the close, intimate sex that I used to get. I quit having sex with my ex-wife way back when because I had lost her as an intimate friend. And, because of other things, it was
the only power I had in the relationship and
so, like some women do men, I cut her off.


I would love to be laying in bed, or on a
blanket, next to the woman with whom I have recently fallen in love, but alas, she's
married. I'd love to be staring into her eyes and listening to her voice while she talks about whatever the hell she wants, her hand wrapped around my penis. I could be touching her shoulder, then run my hand down her arm, feeling every little dip and rise. I love to touch her face, her neck, her chest, down past her breasts to her tummy. I'd love to gently kiss her face and then her lips, her shoulder and neck. I'd love to taste her from head to wherever she would stop me.

Ah, but she's married and, although I did so in the past, I don't cheat, and will not try to pursuade another to chest. She knows I'd do her faster than Superman, if given a chance. But she also knows I would jeapardize what we have just for an orgasm.

So, my sexlessness is a state of unfortunate circumstance. My ex-wife used to say, "You can't chose who you fall in love with." Well, I still don't know if I agree with that feeling completely, but I do know one thing. One can control whether or not one has sex. So I let this lady know I care for her and quite possibly falling for her, but that sex isn't what I'm after. One of these days, I'll find what it is I'm after. Until then, I'll love as much as I can get.

If I've confused you more, forgive me, its late, I'm a little waisted, and I've just returned from a B-52s concert.
 
I have to admit, my bf wants me to meet his other girlfriend and I just cannot. He has invited me several times to come to a bbq or other gathering and meet her and I will not do it. I know what she looks like and she is very pretty, she has a lot of friends and is really outgoing, she is involved in all kinds of things that my bf likes.....I know it is soooo stupid but I am afraid to meet her because I know I will be constantly comparing myself to her and will end up feeling terrible about myself. I can't rationalize the fear away so far.
 
I have to admit, my bf wants me to meet his other girlfriend and I just cannot. He has invited me several times to come to a bbq or other gathering and meet her and I will not do it. I know what she looks like and she is very pretty, she has a lot of friends and is really outgoing, she is involved in all kinds of things that my bf likes.....I know it is soooo stupid but I am afraid to meet her because I know I will be constantly comparing myself to her and will end up feeling terrible about myself. I can't rationalize the fear away so far.
First, it's not stupid. To be fearful of perceived "competition" is natural. You love your bf and are afraid to lose him to this other woman whom you obviously feel is a threat. But remember, while he chose to have a relationship with her, he also chose one with you. So he must feel something for you and see something in you that you may not see yourself. The fact he wants you to meet her means he's being open and honest with both of you about the relationships and doesn't want them to be separate and exclusive to serving his needs. You never know, she may be just as nervous as you are! But if you're not ready, you're not ready. Take it at your own pace and ask him to respect that. Just know it's better to work up to and meet her than not. It may put your fears to rest knowing she is not out to "steal" him and is just as human as you are.
 
Back
Top