The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

I'm doing really well right now.

I'm over on the island, visiting with Derby and ImaginaryIllusion & their kids, tonight I get to meet the fabulous Redpepper and Mono & PN... its fun knowing people's real names and then suddenly you can't remember their screen names... took 15 mins of hunting to find them LOLOLOLOL

This has been a welcome break from real life. I know that tomorrow, I go home, and that real life kicks back into gear, but this has been a lovely escape and I'm enjoying every minute.

And Derby & her family are so wonderful :) I'm blessed to know such great people :)
 
I have two job interviews this week, so things are looking up. The crap job I took about a month ago doesn't pay enough for anything, but it got me back in work mode and revved my energy a bit. When you've been unemployed a long time, it is hard to muster up the enthusiasm for any regular gig. Hopefully, something better-paying will come out of this week's interviews.

I've also been selling my stuff - got an ad online and made a good chunk of cash already just from my exercise equipment. Today someone is coming to look at my couch and dining set. I stood in my living room this morning and felt a little heartbreak. The dining table and chairs was a wedding present, and I remembered my ex complimenting me on my taste when I brought him to see the couch at the store.

<sigh>

But I need to survive and hold onto my apartment more than I need the couch and everything else. If I sell everything I listed, I will be able to pay rent for two more months. And it will help me "simplify" my life and move forward to get rid of old things with painful memories.

Progress isn't always easy or happy. But there is progress, and that's a good thing.
 
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@nycindie,

You might find it very freeing to sell some of the stuff associated with your marriage. I found finding new homes for Becker's piano and birds liberating, as well as literally more space to move and breathe. I'm working on getting rid of more of that sort of things - dresser, desks, etc. I am looking forward to when they are gone!
 
Well my new friend and I have been playing some screwed up game of tag. He works all of the time, we chatted sporadically but haven't seen each other, other than a couple of skype convos, for about six weeks regardless of a couple of attempts on my part. Whenever I decide to let it be and convince myself we're just friends, he makes a big effort to contact me and say something to the opposite.
My mind has long since runaway from me with feelings of rejection or like I am being strung along. This does not appear to be the case and I get that he is terribly busy, but I strongly dislike feeling this way. I am trying to remember that I am responsible for my feelings and reactions to others.
On top of all this, my birthday was this week and I have tons of mixed feelings on that as well. I feel as if I am holding my breath, waiting, on a few different people to do this or that so I can move on with my weekend and life. ugh, patience is not a trait of mine.
 
I've had a pounding sinus headache for 3 days-that's annoying. But, GG and I have been getting lots of the work on the house done while Maca is gone (working out of town). We're looking forward to seeing his surprise about how much we managed without his help. ;)

Painting, lumber, this weekend we're tearing out the whole upstairs bathroom! :eek:

Maca started reading my blog and is beginning to catch up with who I am (again) and where I am (again). It's been an ongoing frustration of mine that I feel disconnected from him-and an ongoing frustration of his that he doesn't know whey (he's a physical touch person-I'm a quality time). He also is a "connected through sex" person and I'm a "connected through intellect" person. Makes for a somewhat difficult time when we aren't consciously trying to fulfil the other person...

BUT-we're continuing to work on it.

I had a short talk with GG. He and I usually connect very well-but he's been so busy-we literally haven't sat and talked for more than 2 minutes-since January. Usually we write back and forth-but he stopped writing in December. It got to where his few free moments he wanted to make love-and I DID NOT. Even the sex, was perfunctory which isn't how we've ever been. :(
All it took was a small comment on it-and he recognized the truth of it-and the unbelievably LONG amount of time its been going on. 7+ months without writing. Unbelievable-we've been writing back and forth for 19 years!!!!
He apologized and rearranged some priorities, including going and talking to his boss about some shit that is affecting his time here.
He's started writing a short note every 2nd or 3rd morning before he goes to work and leaving it on my laptop. Just that small change has made a HUGE difference (yes of course I write back) and we seem to be back on track together again too.
 
He's started writing a short note every 2nd or 3rd morning before he goes to work and leaving it on my laptop. Just that small change has made a HUGE difference (yes of course I write back) and we seem to be back on track together again too.

It's amazing how just that small "I'm thinking about you" note will do to repair the connection.
 
Man Sneac-
if more guys knew how writing out even 2-3 sentences can change the whole of the entire week..... I SWEAR!

GG does know and understand-but he gets caught periodically in forgetfulness. But, it makes a huge difference. One note and my libido returned. I didn't even want a HUG for weeks prior.
I just CAN NOT feel sexual interest in someone I don't feel emotional or intellectual connection to!
 
Happy B'day, Castalia!

Opalescent, I have tried to turn it around in my mind and let go of the nostalgic feelings I've attached to the stuff of my marriage. Truth is, I am looking forward to starting over with a whole new decor (someday in the future when I'm flush with funds). But sadness comes up sometimes anyway. I feel it, then let it go.

How am I doing today? I am up and down.

Up: Elated that Chessy had his surgery and went home. Looking forward to seeing how this relationship goes.

Down: Sad about difficulties in another relationship.

Up: Grateful for some good friends in my life, one of whom really helped me out in a big way recently, and certain members of my family who are also looking out for me.

Down: Overwhelmed and feeling burdened when I look at my To-Do Lists.

Up: Relieved that my rent is paid for August. Hopeful about a job interview I had last week.

Down: Wishing I didn't need to sell my shit to make the rent next month. Bummed that I haven't heard back about that job yet.

Basically, how am I doing? Like the Cyclone at Coney Island:
27474_m.jpg
 
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My iPhone was stolen. Most importantly I lost photos of my dogs, two of whom have passed away. Those photos were nowhere else and I stupidly did not back them up. Heartbroken over that.
 
My iPhone was stolen. Most importantly I lost photos of my dogs, two of whom have passed away. Those photos were nowhere else and I stupidly did not back them up. Heartbroken over that.

I hate that. The new iphone OS will back up to icloud (free), including pictures and will even transfer those photos to any other device you have logged in under the same appleid. Saved my butt, when my computer crashed.
 
Excited! I found out this morning that I'm being promoted to full time in 2 weeks, with the new position comes my own office space/ desk and computer that I don't have to share with the part time staff. :D
 
Congrats BD! I'm sure that makes for some more stability in your life. Do you get better benefits too?
 
I am doing very well today. Went for a long walk with G last night, talked about a lot, and had a good, long sleep ;) Feel better today, more relaxed and looking forward to getting some crafty, artsy things done :D
 
There's a lot of things going on and shifting right now, both good and bad, and I am trying to remember that change is never easy. But god, this is something I need so badly. I need things to shift so I can have a life outside of the house/school/kids. I have spent so much of life caring for others, without so much as a thought or feelings of what I might need or want and I just don't think I can continue doing it.
I'm thinking somewhere in my hectic schedule I need to find time to begin writing again. I have so much floating, rushing, banging around in my head and absolutely no where for it to go. It all needs to be sorted and analyzed.
 
I've been struggling the past few weeks with some stuff that I can't seem to get past. Work is still going awesome and I love it. I'm not getting out as much as I'd like, but it's slowly getting better.

No, what I've been struggling with is all poly stuff. Trying to find a date as a married man, even if I am allowed to date, is rough. Women assume your some kind of perv, that your marriage is broken, or your a cheater and often will not respond or even freak out over it. It's frustrating to say the least. I've also been dealing with a little nit of envy at BrigidsDaughter and her boyfriend, mostly because I've struggled so much and gotten so little and for them it's so easy. The absolute worst part is that all I want, at this point, is someone to talk to and make sure I'm not crazy, but all the local people I know that would understand are having issues of their own (and I won't add to their burden), or are my Ex (whom I refuse to talk to about this stuff because I don't want to hurt her at all). People always say men are the more possessive gender but I'm starting to doubt that highly.

It's all enough to make me consider giving up on poly personally.
 
I've been struggling the past few weeks with some stuff that I can't seem to get past. Work is still going awesome and I love it. I'm not getting out as much as I'd like, but it's slowly getting better.

No, what I've been struggling with is all poly stuff. Trying to find a date as a married man, even if I am allowed to date, is rough. Women assume your some kind of perv, that your marriage is broken, or your a cheater and often will not respond or even freak out over it. It's frustrating to say the least. I've also been dealing with a little nit of envy at BrigidsDaughter and her boyfriend, mostly because I've struggled so much and gotten so little and for them it's so easy. The absolute worst part is that all I want, at this point, is someone to talk to and make sure I'm not crazy, but all the local people I know that would understand are having issues of their own (and I won't add to their burden), or are my Ex (whom I refuse to talk to about this stuff because I don't want to hurt her at all). People always say men are the more possessive gender but I'm starting to doubt that highly.

It's all enough to make me consider giving up on poly personally.

Don't do that! Sometimes it's rough, sometimes it's not. I've gotten discouraged many times, but I always end up finding what I'm looking for. Just play it more cool. Don't actively look, just network and make friends. Someone will come along.
 
There seems to be alot of wishy washy, discontented moods today. Myself included.

Exhausted from the many challenges of these past few months. So many double standards, frustrations, conversations, affirmations, tears and laughter, disappointments and joys.
The highs and the lows.
The balance of the universe.

Yet one beautiful, loving little message from my sweetheart and all is well with the world again. Funny how that happens, isn't it? :D
 
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I made a big ass mistake last night, talking about a fantasy-type scenario with S, while G was watching. G took it as fact and it resulted in a big blow out, followed by tears and cuddling and holding each other in bed. I feel like shit for letting him see that. From now on, no more reading my chats and vice versa. Unless there is something specific, we can no longer cross that line. Bitch of the year award to this one right here :(
 
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