Is my polywog growing into a full fledge poly tadpole?
Twitch spent Sunday through Monday evening with Shasti. It was a test to see how I'd cope. I was anxious going into this. The last time he spent two days with her was last August and the wheels really came off the bus. I was scared. Scared for myself. That was the single most awful experience of my life. I don't ever want to feel that way again. To feel so much pain that suicide felt like a viable solution to end the pain.
I had been encouraging him to see if he could go down the 12-13th, but she had something planned, so it happened sooner than I was prepared for.
I pre-gamed as quickly as possible; I contacted several lovers to see what their availability was, but I didn't have much success. WP thought he might be able to come over for two hours in the afternoon and McCoy had his kids starting that day (50/50 shared custody), but he could get away for a couple of hours that night. I then asked a friend, Franki, if she wanted to hang out at one of our houses. We live close to an hour apart. We have gotten really close over the past year, but due to the distance between our homes we haven't really hung out together in this way. We've had Franki and Smatch, her hubby, up for dinner once, but I haven't been to her home yet.
In the end I declined the midday interlude with WP, spent the day with Franki, and two hours with McCoy. It had been a long time since McCoy and I had seen each other. (The holidays/family had interfered with our plans and we'd canceled a number of dates.)
It turned out to be a very nice day. Franki and I hung out, chatted, cooked, ate, chatted, ran to the city on a fruitless trip to buy material for a project I was contemplating, but then changed my mind about doing, returned to my house and chatted some more. It was relaxing and bonding.
Seeing McCoy after so much time renewed my interest, actually heightened my interest, in him. He's awfully good looking and fun to talk to. I'm seeing him on the 14th. He's cooking dinner for me.
The day ended and while I was aching from missing Twitch, I knew I was okay and that the day had been a success. I was a bit sad that he didn't return a text I sent at bedtime, but it wasn't a big deal.
Monday arrived. I had to return to work after having the previous week off. Why does the first day back have to be so painful? I think it's universal to wish for one more day following time off.
That morning I received a text from him. Part of the text was, "Had issues with the white elephant."
I sent him one back...
"...I'm sorry that the white elephant is still messing with you. If I'm part of the problem I'm sorry. You have my total permission to be doing what you're doing. Please don't feel I'm unhappy with you having sex/relationship with Shasti. I love you!"
Texts went back and forth. A reaffirmation of I love yous, I'll see you tonight, etc. I told him that I had a date with the kid, but that I hoped I'd be home by a decent time. "I miss you SO much."
Twitch: "Don't know when I am leaving. It will be after the traffic is done. I would guess 9 or 10 I would get home. Is that all right."
Me: "Yes. It's about the same time I expect to get home, too. I'm really glad I made plans for tonight now. It would have been a rough night otherwise."
Twitch: "Do I. Need to call it a day and leave at noon and come home?"
Me: "Nope. Just glad I'm going to have a full night. Kind of pleased that I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking, though. That means a lot."
Twitch: "I guess I need to know if I need to end this today if you have to hard of a time with me coming down"
Me: "No, you don't. Not at all."
Twitch: "K"
Me: "It just gets long. But I'm okay."
A smattering of texts, but they held so much importance for us. He offered to end things even though Shasti means a lot to him. I was touched that he offered. That he'd choose me over her, but in my heart of hearts I didn't want that at all. I wasn't even expecting him to go there. I'm at a place now where I love that he has this person who brings so much into his life.
I didn't get home from my date until 11 PM. I was excited to see lights on in the house. I was worried that Twitch had given up and gone to bed, which I would likely have interpreted to mean that he was unhappy that I didn't get home an hour earlier like I said I was going to. But he was awake and he was in a great mood and we were both so happy to see each other.
We shared a bit about happenings in our lives over the past two days and then we hit the sheets.
And it felt good on so many levels.