I guess this is the deep end...

Thanks MorningGlory. Heh. I don't think of myself as brave, but thank you.:)


The three of us had a fun movie night last night. Mohegan and I found lots to laugh over, particularly inflicting clowns from Cirque du Soleil on Karma in retaliation for his Kung Fu treachery. (Black Dynamite? Really? I think I lost brain cells during that one :p)
We even discussed making him sit through The Princess and the Frog. There was much laughter.
My day had been a rather rough one, and I wasn't the only one, but curling up on the couch with gummy worms in one hand and a fuckin' awesome cookie in the other improved everything.

Mohegan and I are honestly doing worlds better than I'd thought possible. I'm excited and kinda proud.

On an unrelated note, it's a sad state of affairs when you have to hide in your room with your cat to feel comfortable in your own home. Family has been...frustrating, lately.
School getting busier doesn't help. :(
 
That's okay, princess and the frog next time:D

Glad you had a good time, I did too.

I knew we needed to have that talk, but I never expected it to do what it did. Who'd have that we'd be where we are in only a week? Go us!!!

I look forward to seeing where this road leads.

And being sneaky sneaky about your birthday :D
 
I like the blue hair Cricket, it's kind of awesome :)
 
Thanks. :) I didn't get the job I was looking at, so I figured I might as well dye the hair blue like I'd been wanting to since the purple got old.

Miss you both lots, Mohegan and Karma!
But the sneakies are making me all curious! :p
 
So Mohegan and I have really surprised each other by getting along marvelously - and even getting to the point where our nights aren't complete without some chatting time.
I'm really, really thrilled.

I honestly felt like we were never going to get along, and it was never going to work - I assumed we'd always harbour some kind of resentment, and just be polite, but so far, we're actually playing nice.

I'm quite pleased. :) Neither of us is prone to befriending women.

School is stupid.
Professors of foreign languages should probably be fluent in both the language they're teaching, and the one they're teaching in.
Group projects are infuriating because they are always perfectly designed to lay 80% of the work onto the shoulders of 20% of the group. I'm always in that 20% who simply refuses to allow the laziness of the kids around me to affect my grade - I'd rather take on other people's work than see them fuck it up and impact me. The upside of this group project is that I'm grouped with a hot drummer who's one of the only other people legitly working on the whole thing. ;) I enjoy simultaneously bitching about humanity and not-quite flirting.

I'd been sleeping better for the last couple weeks, but last night and the night before were rough. It might be a stress issue - J went to court to deal with D's threats, my Grandma has moved in, and the entire past two weeks have been due dates and deadlines.
It's not the usual nightmares, or panic attacks, or anything.
Just can't sleep.
 
Hellish nightmares last night. Kept waking J up, which of course put him in a bad mood, so he started having nightmares too.
It really sucks when the person who you try cuddle with to feel better starts having bad dreams too.
Maybe I should give up on saving for ink, and just go buy stuff to make that damn dreamcatcher.
 
Sorry, babe. I'll be home soon. :(

With a kickass birthday present :D
 
I miss you guys so much. Really need cuddles and a good night's sleep. This 'up until four, waking up again at six or seven' business is not working for me.

You shouldn't tease, btw. You know I'm a curious kitten, and Curiosity killed the cat. (Though in all fairness, I feel like Curiosity probably didn't get a very fair trial for that whole affair- it's highly possible the cat was curious about what a ride in the dryer would be like, or something.)
 
Thank you, Mohegan and Mono! :D


On that note, as soon as my Grandma found out Mohegan was coming tonight, she went "...Oh...That's...."
I immediately got defensive and said "That's my friend. But don't worry, we'll sit out there, by the fire, and be unoffensive."
I stalked off to shower without giving her a chance to respond, and could hear her trying to extricate her foot from her esophagus as I left.

Here's the thing: she might not have meant to be offensive, but she is a drama-monger. She's the kind of person who will hire someone who stole from her to help clean up the trailer before she moves out of it, (get my Daddy to) pay them hundreds of dollars after they've "worked off what they stole" and then give her a few hundred more dollars to look after her cats until we can move them out here, and then act shocked, shocked I tell you, when the dumb bitch steals that money, gambles it away, and leaves the cats to starve.
She turns to her neighbor, a deadbeat alcoholic dad, and asks him to take care of the trailer, and is then absolutely aghast, utterly betrayed, when the bastard tries to steal from her too.

So I'm planning on suggesting to Mohegan that she only needs to be as polite to my grandma as my grandma is to her.
Mohegan doesn't need me to defend her - she can do it herself.
Grandma doesn't get me defending her - she has it coming.

I understand that it is an odd situation, to have the wife whose husband I cheated with come to hang out for my birthday, but this is how I have chosen to lead my life, and Mohegan and Karma are family, and they are okay with how we're doing things.

Once I got out of the shower, Grandma assured me she wasn't trying to be rude, and I do believe she was really sorry for offending me. She's just not sure how to behave, so she thinks she's just going to follow my mom's lead. My mom has been operating on a kind of "don't mention it" policy.
I think that's a good plan.

Please note, my mother told Grandma about the whole situation - not me. I would have chosen to keep her in the dark, because I know she will inevitably call up all the thieves and hookers and deadbeat dads in her old trailer park to gossip, and it's just better if I don't get defensive, because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
 
Happy Birthday Cricket! :D We haven't spoken before but I have been fascinated by you three since you started posting. Hope you have a good one with no unwanted fireworks.
 
So I'm planning on suggesting to Mohegan that she only needs to be as polite to my grandma as my grandma is to her.
Mohegan doesn't need me to defend her - she can do it herself.
Grandma doesn't get me defending her - she has it coming.

Really:D I wasn't allowed last night, glad you changed your mind :D

No worries, I'll play nice.
 
had a great time tonight, hope you did too. I so enjoy that we can spend time together like that. I find personal peace in being able to think of your joy. I'm so glad we're at that point. I really hope you enjoyed yourself. I am looking forward to our dinner/pumpkin carving date.
 
Had an awesome weekend, up until the last half-hour or so.

I mixed up henna the other night, cuz I was gonna tattoo my hands. I put it in a cupboard, out of the way, so none of my family would disturb it.
Thinking it was chocolate, my grandmother dipped a finger in the paste and ate it.
This is somehow all my fault.

Here's a thought: if it's not yours, don't put it in your mouth.


J is struggling with horrible depression, and I have no idea how to help him. I desperately want to, but he can't see it, and I can't figure out how to show him. I can't be perfect, and I feel like I would have to be to make him happy.
He's been hiding it from me, and I knew it, and tonight I told him I wanted to help, and he pretty much blew up or broke down, I'm not sure which is more accurate.
I wish I could help him, I wish I could carry him through this, but I don't know how, and I don't think he'll let me.
 
LOL that's hilarious. Really, I'm gonna go eat this unmarked container and then blame you cuz it wasn't food. :D

I'm sorry about the stuff with J. As much he annoys me and I have issues with his personality, I wish neither of you had to deal with what you do.
 
Here's a thought: if it's not yours, don't put it in your mouth.

Well you just made me spit up my drink. In so many ways, this rule should be universal...

J is struggling with horrible depression, and I have no idea how to help him. I desperately want to, but he can't see it, and I can't figure out how to show him. I can't be perfect, and I feel like I would have to be to make him happy.
He's been hiding it from me, and I knew it, and tonight I told him I wanted to help, and he pretty much blew up or broke down, I'm not sure which is more accurate.
I wish I could help him, I wish I could carry him through this, but I don't know how, and I don't think he'll let me.

Feeling helpless is the most brutal part of someone elses depression. The only advice I can give, you eventually have to not worry about it anymore. My mother suffered horribly for years, I in turn tortured myself for years. Once I realized, it wasn't me, I couldn't fix it, and I couldn't control it, all I could do was be there, as her son...

But I couldn't carry the guilt behind it, because in the end depression is a selfish disease. It is almost never anyone elses problem, all you can do is be there for support (which is different than taking on the guilt)
 
J and I have a wee bit of a "folie a deux" problem. When one of us goes through a depressive episode, we frequently take the other with us. I'm not sure which of us started the latest one, him or I, but it seems moot.

I had a really long talk with him last night, and I hope I helped. We talked, and I got him to vent as much as I could, (though I know he was holding a fair bit back because he didn't want to hurt my feelings - other nights, I'd have pushed, but right now I'm grateful - I'm still pretty tender) and then I talked to him about therapy, and walked through a lot of the things stressing him out, and tried to help him find ways to ease them.
His problem is a lot like mine - he takes on the world, then doesn't know how to let go of those responsibilities, for fear of everyone else's world falling apart.
We talked about therapy, and he's reluctant to talk to a stranger - I can totally understand that, but I don't have the tools to help him, and he needs help, so I'm going to try to keep that option in his mind.

I do understand that this is shit he has to do for himself, but from where I'm standing, it looks like he needs a hand to hold along the way. I'm trying to provide that, but still not let myself get pulled under by the guilt.
 
Please don't take my blog post as me being upset with you. You have every right to have time with Karma when you need him. I just wish it didn't happen that we both needed him at the same time.

I hope you're feeling better. I was worried when you guys didn't show up here.
 
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