Hi. I first joined this forum years ago when my husband first fell in love with another woman (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3653&highlight=rachelina).
What's happened since then is this: I got pregnant in 2011. She moved in 3 months before I had my baby. I had agreed to this on a trial basis, but she immediately got pregnant, thus making the situation permanent rather than experimental. I felt betrayed, but nevertheless things were pretty good for the first year and a half, and she and I were good friends.
Then things went sour and it's hard to say why. Part of it is space; the only room we had available for her is right off the main room and she feels a lack of privacy/personal space. But that's not enough to explain the intensity of the venom I've felt from her for the past year, and despite my best efforts I can't return her hate with love; I hate her too. Maybe it's simply jealousy and any two women in our situation would have the same difficulties. I don't know. My husband is convinced she has borderline personality disorder; from what I've read about it that's certainly possible. Her behavior when she's in a bad mood is scary and borderline psychotic. When she's in a better mood, we can be civil to each other, but there is no sense of trust or safety between the two of us.
So my situation: I'm stuck living with this woman. I'm not comfortable in my home while she's in it. But I'm trapped, because of our two beautiful boys. She's actually really great with my boy and takes him out to do things when I'm not able to. And the two brothers, who are 9 months apart, are the best of friends and it would break my heart to see them separated. But it's not going to take them long to figure out that their mothers hate each other. I'm doing everything possible to work on my feelings, try to cultivate compassion and forgiveness. But so far, it's not happening. The tension in our house is unlivable. I'm in chronic emotional pain. Something has to change.
What can I do? Is there hope for us? How do I go about getting along with someone who has been so hateful to me and who I don't trust? And failing that, how do I make peace with the situation?
What's happened since then is this: I got pregnant in 2011. She moved in 3 months before I had my baby. I had agreed to this on a trial basis, but she immediately got pregnant, thus making the situation permanent rather than experimental. I felt betrayed, but nevertheless things were pretty good for the first year and a half, and she and I were good friends.
Then things went sour and it's hard to say why. Part of it is space; the only room we had available for her is right off the main room and she feels a lack of privacy/personal space. But that's not enough to explain the intensity of the venom I've felt from her for the past year, and despite my best efforts I can't return her hate with love; I hate her too. Maybe it's simply jealousy and any two women in our situation would have the same difficulties. I don't know. My husband is convinced she has borderline personality disorder; from what I've read about it that's certainly possible. Her behavior when she's in a bad mood is scary and borderline psychotic. When she's in a better mood, we can be civil to each other, but there is no sense of trust or safety between the two of us.
So my situation: I'm stuck living with this woman. I'm not comfortable in my home while she's in it. But I'm trapped, because of our two beautiful boys. She's actually really great with my boy and takes him out to do things when I'm not able to. And the two brothers, who are 9 months apart, are the best of friends and it would break my heart to see them separated. But it's not going to take them long to figure out that their mothers hate each other. I'm doing everything possible to work on my feelings, try to cultivate compassion and forgiveness. But so far, it's not happening. The tension in our house is unlivable. I'm in chronic emotional pain. Something has to change.
What can I do? Is there hope for us? How do I go about getting along with someone who has been so hateful to me and who I don't trust? And failing that, how do I make peace with the situation?
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