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Old 04-09-2010, 03:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I JUST got back from a 4.3 mile walk-1 hr 15 minutes. Gotta make up my time AGAIN.
But I will.
Still have to be careful for now. But that's not a major loss on time, just a little one.

It was chilly-but not cold, snow melting off (again) and the roads are dry. Sun out-ah can't wait for summer!!!

Sometimes it sucks the things you have to do to get what you want. But if you want it bad enough-you find that the sucky things are tolerable.

I want to do an ironman triathlon. That means training. I have a blister on my toe-that sucks, it hurts, it's annoying. But I walked anyway-because I WANT TO DO THE IRONMAN. It's all about priorities.

Really the question for GG isn't do you want this relationship (fortunately for him that's not my style).
It's HOW do you want this relationship. He SAYS "I don't want to be secondary..."
But he also says, "I can't prioritize you above all the rest."

THAT IS NOT a PRIMARY relationship. Or to put it in less "threatening terms" that is NOT a PRIMARY PRIORITY.

My NUMBER ONE priority for 18+ years has been my kids.
That means that they WERE PRIORITIZED over EVERY ONE ELSE in my life............

Get it?

I do get the concept that multiple people can be equally important to a person-I even get that people who are NOT equally important might have equal importance at specified times.

I was telling a friend yesterday-IF Maca was home after a major surgery (like I am right now) and she called heartbroken over relationship problems, I wouldn't NOT be there for her. I would tell her to come over.
Because I could listen to her, hold her, be a friend to her AND take care of Maca's needs if she were HERE, but I WOULD NOT LEAVE HIS SIDE to go be with her.

On the other hand,
IF she was in a car accident with her kids-and the cops called because she and her husband died, and the grandparents were out of town, I would leave Maca and go to the hospital to get those three kids ASAP.
Maca would expect me to, because he's not DYING. I would bring those kids back HERE where I could care for him AND THEM.

Ironically that book that Polynerdist suggested maca read, Living Happily Ever After by Marsha Sinetar talks about the solution I used in that example-

She talks about how IMPERATIVE it is to have this in order to have a happy, fulfilled life (in chapter ONE).

She outlines on page 19 (which is only the third page in the first chapter) that "our emotions are translated into attitudes, thus becoming assets or liabilities. We use our emotions to help us apply our knowledge or to keep us stuck."

THIS is key for you GG-which you damn well know-as you READ this part of the book, and TOLD ME this was an issue you needed to deal with-before putting the book down and walking away from it all.

"If a person's attitude is negative when facing a predicament, if he doesn't wish to be bothered with the situation, if it intimidates him, if he characteristically backs away from problems, it matters little how much knowledge he has. Negative attitudes are likely to result in maladaptive responses rather than creatively adaptive ones. Attitudes determine how a person uses his knowledge to solve problems."

"Many people undermine their own creativity-and their own happiness-by overplanning or by being negative. They thwart their ability to meet new experiences effectively. In fact, they may actively fight a change-resist it at every turn. Often their own greatest battle is with themselves; they resist their own growth and personal development. This as we shall see, limits their ability to be creative and also deprives them of joy."

THAT is the issue.

MORE pertinent quotes-next page...

"They lean on others to do their thinking for them."

"Or they adopt passive, helpless responses, even physical limitations, that prevent them from making fuitful choices and actions."

"They may get more pleasure out of complaining than out of mastering their situation."

"Our ability to change and adapt successfully to life's pressures and problems lies within us, not with a strong other. Our inner resources help us confront outer circumstances in a uniquely competent way.Our creative adaptive response comes from developing this inner set of resources, and this development stirs in us a state of being in which fear-although experienced-is not debilitating."

AND THIS ONE IS KEY TODAY after reading the pity party entry I have to point the importance of THIS quote which GG-again-you ALREADY READ...

"Each of us has the choice to interpret a life event in a way that either builds our strength and self-respect or undermines it."

I COULD have let you not being the way I expected lead me to feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness etc. BUT that's NOT PRODUCTIVE so I started searching for what I could learn from it-and then worked on LEARNING IT.

YOU COULD be taking the same tactic. You could be looking at this and saying, "huh, I didn't realize. So what CAN I learn from all of this and what do I want to do from here." then do it.
Instead you write me PAGES of "poor poor me". YOU KNEW that's what it was before I read it-because you TOLD ME SO.
WHAT is the point? Seriously-I want to know.

WHAT is the point of what you wrote?
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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