Poly networking

good point mono, I guess we will never be on a secret invite to have group sex again :D

I think we just don't fit in to the group that are going and we will be excluded from that aspect, as you say. We will see what dynamic changes as a result, or doesn't...

Perhaps an update at some point...
 
I think we just don't fit in to the group that are going and we will be excluded from that aspect, as you say. We will see what dynamic changes as a result, or doesn't...

Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order :)
 
Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order :)
I think that's a great way of approaching it - I have friends with whom I have some interests in common, and not others - I do those things with them that we have in common and they can do the other things they enjoy without me.

If the topic of conversation starts to be limited to those activities, of course, or if I feel pressured to do those things, then that may change how I feel.
 
Perhaps, for me, the best perspective to have is that a label can help to explain (not define) a portion of who I am so that others can understand. There is no one label that can truly explain the whole of an individual and their situation, except perhaps "complicated." So when someone comes along and gives a different view or invites me to something that does not comfortably fit my own view of that label, I can just smile and shake my head and say "Not really my thing, but thanks for thinking of me." No judgement, no distaste, and something new to ponder so that I can understand myself a little better.

I think this was wonderfully said !
I was particularly struck by the (my) BOLD statement.
But I relate to the simplicity of this outlook as it gives room for all the inherent variables but also leaves open the chance for some introspection.

Thank you :)

GS
 
Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order :)

I like this a lot too Mono !
I think if you don't have this kind of insight it's easy to stray over into the area of (unknowingly) stereotyping people unjustifiably. It's like.... "this person must be <insert label> because they enjoy <insert activity>. Although a statement like this could be accurate in some cases it certainly isn't in all and like you said - we don't really want to be building walls where they aren't justified.

Nice point
 
I should of called this thread "poly complicated"

It still makes me confused... Like a vegan pig roast my friend said. I guess its just all got to settle for me.
 
It's like.... "this person must be <insert label> because they enjoy <insert activity>.
What I see as even more of a problem is the reverse - "this person is <insert label> therefore they should (or shouldn't) enjoy <insert activity>"

To me that is using labels prescriptively which I find really unfortunate.
 
Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused? There seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing. It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks :)
 
Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused? There seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing. It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks :)
I'll try, since I used it....

Descriptive means that a term describes someone. Prescriptive means that it dictates how someone should act.

So let's take a non-relationship example - if you are a vegetarian and suddenly for some reason get a craving to eat a juicy steak once a week, you have two choices. You can say to yourself "I know that eating a steak would violate my being vegetarian, but I really want to eat this steak regularly so I will stop calling myself a vegetarian". That is using the term descriptively - it describes your actions.

If, however, you were to say "I am a vegetarian. Vegetarians don't eat meat, so therefore I shall not eat meat." That is using it prescriptively.

Hope that makes sense - maybe someone else can come up with a better example.

Found this example, too - http://www.existenceiswonderful.com/2008/05/descriptive-not-prescriptive.html (the latter section)
 
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Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused (there seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing)? It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks :)
 
My answer not good enough, eh? ;)
(Wasn't sure if you meant to post the question twice or not)
 
I think that's a great way of approaching it - I have friends with whom I have some interests in common, and not others - I do those things with them that we have in common and they can do the other things they enjoy without me.

If the topic of conversation starts to be limited to those activities, of course, or if I feel pressured to do those things, then that may change how I feel.
Excellent.

Great conversation guys!

Love your input Mono.

I agree wholeheartedly.

We have a "bikers group" where we live-in fact there is a "state" group, there are "city" groups, in the "city" group where we live there is are a lot of "little groups".

When it's a safety topic-(often do rides to support topics around here) everyone who can shows up for sure-because ALL of the bikers have the issue of needing other motorists to BE AWARE of us.

But when they do the yearly "bike blessing" in Palmer not everyone shows up (I never went) AND people from other parts of the state DO show up.

When they have a Harley ride-well duh-the Harley riders show up!

There are groups of people who prefer cruisers, groups who prefer "crotch rockets" (me). BUT even within those smaller groups-there are "mini groups" by age, gender (everyone notices when a group of ladies goes out), people who work together etc.

And yet-when we ride, EVERYONE does the "one hand out and down" wave to EVERY other biker they see on the road no matter what (ok, exception, brand new riders tend not to, but they learn fast) because though we differ greatly in many areas-we recognise we still have riding on the roads in common.

Same with relationships.
 
I'll try, since I used it....

Descriptive means that a term describes someone. Prescriptive means that it dictates how someone should act.

So let's take a non-relationship example - if you are a vegetarian and suddenly for some reason get a craving to eat a juicy steak once a week, you have two choices. You can say to yourself "I know that eating a steak would violate my being vegetarian, but I really want to eat this steak regularly so I will stop calling myself a vegetarian". That is using the term descriptively - it describes your actions.

If, however, you were to say "I am a vegetarian. Vegetarians don't eat meat, so therefore I shall not eat meat." That is using it prescriptively.

Hope that makes sense - maybe someone else can come up with a better example.

Found this example, too - http://www.existenceiswonderful.com/2008/05/descriptive-not-prescriptive.html (the latter section)

How about: I am poly, so therefore I should be able and want to fuck all my friends and lovers. Would that be prescriptive? That is what I am feeling about poly today :p there's a bit of ygirl in me.... If I can be so bold.

I think I like descriptive better.
 
How about, I am poly, so my heart is big enough to love more than one person, and I am secure enough to admit it. :D
At least that is my version of poly.
 
How about: I am poly, so therefore I should be able and want to fuck all my friends and lovers. Would that be prescriptive? That is what I am feeling about poly today :p there's a bit of ygirl in me.... If I can be so bold.

I think I like descriptive better.

I'm wondering if the experience you're having with the culture of your particular individual poly group is translating into a perception that it must be the same for poly cultures everywhere.
 
I'm wondering if the experience you're having with the culture of your particular individual poly group is translating into a perception that it must be the same for poly cultures everywhere.

No, haha! I'm just frustrated and tend to get sarcastic when I get this way. Just trying to figure it out. I think I am actually coming to terms with it now actually. I don't think I have ever been this open to ALL of poly's dynamics before.
 
How about: I am poly, so therefore I should be able and want to fuck all my friends and lovers. Would that be prescriptive? That is what I am feeling about poly today :p there's a bit of ygirl in me.... If I can be so bold.

I think I like descriptive better.


I know I post a lot while under the influence of alcohol, but where/when did I say I was able to and want to fuck all my friends and lovers? I have no memory of that.

Unless you're thinking of someone else who goes by the name YGirl...
 
I know I post a lot while under the influence of alcohol, but where/when did I say I was able to and want to fuck all my friends and lovers? I have no memory of that.

Unless you're thinking of someone else who goes by the name YGirl...

Sorry ygirl, I meant the pessimistic way of being sarcastic, not the content of the message.
 
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