So... I'm trying to grasp if Bud is having just a fear or if it is a trust issue that he is having with me. I'm hoping I can throw it out there to yall so you can run with it and maybe shed some light or it just make for an interesting conversation.
Last night Bud asked me last night if his best friend could come over and hang out in the morning because he wanted to be somewhere other than his home. I said okay, but I planned on sleeping in and I may do that and he could have the house to himself. I talked to my fiance (who is currently hours away) last night but I had a busy day and didn't think of mentioning it at the time. (my mistake in communication) Later, Bud talked to be about his fear of me falling for another. We are poly fi now and he has made it clear that he cannot handle another, but he wouldn't stand in my way of pursuing anything. I explained to him that I cannot say that I'll never have feeling for another, but that I would like to be able to open up to him if it were to ever happen so I could deal with it and move on. I know my limit. I can handle no more nor do I desire anymore... That doesn't mean I can't fall for more. It was a great conversation that we both felt better for having. He said that his friend coming over while he is at work would be a good chance for him to face this fear and cope.
Fast forward to this morning. His friend is a no show. Little did I know that Bud was texting my fiance at the same time I was. Bud was talking to him about his friend coming over and his fears. I was talking to my fiance about how I was relaxing and attempting to fall asleep to a movie. My fiance thought his friend was here with me and I was hiding it. Which created a huge ordeal. Then I find out that his friend felt weird being alone with me and that's why he bailed. In the end my fiance and I were both all nerves. I felt I have 3 men in my life that felt like I couldn't control my vagina and I felt completely caged in. My fiance stopped talking to me which I got upset about and blamed Bud for. He wasn't very understanding and I blew up and then he left and turned off his phone. I was stuck alone feeling like those I care about think so low of me when all I wanted to do was sleep in this morning!
It all got cleared up eventually. His friend is probably uncomfortable to hang out with me for the same reason I am... Bud's fear and/or trust issue. His fear is that if I fall for someone I won't say anything and I Will act upon it behind his back.
So... To finally get to the point... Is this really just a fear as he says it is and hope that he will work on it and it will fade in time or is it that he really does not trust me. Fear I can understand. Trust I can understand because I came into poly the wrong way, but after almost a year of communication and complete openness on my part I feel I've redememed myself. I feel I learned my lesson and the way a simple visit from a friend blew up in my face this morning really stung. To feel that eeryone threw me out into the cold at the drop of a hat... Okay not the point.
Is this fear. Is this trust... Or on some level is it all the same thing.
Last night Bud asked me last night if his best friend could come over and hang out in the morning because he wanted to be somewhere other than his home. I said okay, but I planned on sleeping in and I may do that and he could have the house to himself. I talked to my fiance (who is currently hours away) last night but I had a busy day and didn't think of mentioning it at the time. (my mistake in communication) Later, Bud talked to be about his fear of me falling for another. We are poly fi now and he has made it clear that he cannot handle another, but he wouldn't stand in my way of pursuing anything. I explained to him that I cannot say that I'll never have feeling for another, but that I would like to be able to open up to him if it were to ever happen so I could deal with it and move on. I know my limit. I can handle no more nor do I desire anymore... That doesn't mean I can't fall for more. It was a great conversation that we both felt better for having. He said that his friend coming over while he is at work would be a good chance for him to face this fear and cope.
Fast forward to this morning. His friend is a no show. Little did I know that Bud was texting my fiance at the same time I was. Bud was talking to him about his friend coming over and his fears. I was talking to my fiance about how I was relaxing and attempting to fall asleep to a movie. My fiance thought his friend was here with me and I was hiding it. Which created a huge ordeal. Then I find out that his friend felt weird being alone with me and that's why he bailed. In the end my fiance and I were both all nerves. I felt I have 3 men in my life that felt like I couldn't control my vagina and I felt completely caged in. My fiance stopped talking to me which I got upset about and blamed Bud for. He wasn't very understanding and I blew up and then he left and turned off his phone. I was stuck alone feeling like those I care about think so low of me when all I wanted to do was sleep in this morning!
It all got cleared up eventually. His friend is probably uncomfortable to hang out with me for the same reason I am... Bud's fear and/or trust issue. His fear is that if I fall for someone I won't say anything and I Will act upon it behind his back.
So... To finally get to the point... Is this really just a fear as he says it is and hope that he will work on it and it will fade in time or is it that he really does not trust me. Fear I can understand. Trust I can understand because I came into poly the wrong way, but after almost a year of communication and complete openness on my part I feel I've redememed myself. I feel I learned my lesson and the way a simple visit from a friend blew up in my face this morning really stung. To feel that eeryone threw me out into the cold at the drop of a hat... Okay not the point.
Is this fear. Is this trust... Or on some level is it all the same thing.