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Old 03-11-2013, 04:21 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,445

My ex was the same. I remember one example too, much less of an issue than a house being painted (I do remember this anecdote as well) which was about shoes. My ex needed new shoes, we went to the store, it was between two pairs.
He keeps asking me which I prefer. While I think one of the pairs looks better, I figure it's his choice and that ultimately I really don't care. So I just tell him "I don't care" as I don't want him to buy a pair of shoes HE is going to wear just because I like the way it looks.
He ends up picking one, which for the record is not the one I prefered, which I genuinely don't care about. We pay, he puts them on and we leave.

Only three steps later (we were pretty much still in front of the store) he starts complaining that he "had" to buy the least comfortable shoes because they were the ones I liked.

So, he bought shoes that were not comfortable, that I happened to like less and that incidentally cost more (I mention that because price is usually a tie-breaker with me), all because I "made him".
I told him, extremely frustrated, that as a matter of fact I though the other pair looked better, and that I certainly didn't make him buy that pair, which would have been a ridiculous concept since they were his shoes to wear.

His reaction was only to get frustrated that I didn't tell him which I wanted him to buy and that he "had" to guess.

I don't care what shoes you buy. There wasn't even a reason for me to be in the store with him, except we were already out for another reason. It's so frustrating how he resented me for a decision HE made on his own, blamed me for the result, and ended up wearing uncomfortable shoes which didn't make anyone happy.

There was no way we could have returned the shoes after he'd worn them outside. In retrospect we should have gone back and bought the other pair, but we were really short on money so it was supposed to be a single purchase we'd make last as long as possible.

There is assuming and assuming. I assumed he liked the shoes he bought because he told me so. He assumed I wanted him to buy the least comfortable shoes despite me never telling him anything to that effect. The two things obviously aren't equal.

It's incredible how something as insignificant as a pair of shoes can create so much resentment. And it adds up, all with very little things that just needed him to be honest and trust me. Instead he was upset that I trusted him at his words and didn't question everything he said.

So frustrating.
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