There's a word for it?...

caprica

New member
I am a male in my early forties, very happily married with two great kids. A very good female friend of ours & my wife have embarked on a relationship that is built on a solid friendship. I adore this person too & gave this journey my blessing. We all have a great time together when we hang out. This friend is very respectful of our marrage & has no intention of screwing things up. It has played out to be very open, honest, loving, & safe environmrnt for us. Funny thing is, this was initiated before I knew what poly was lol. It just feels right for us... I was doing a bit of research & wala! here I am.. ;)


cheers, ..hb Update
 
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Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself. :)

Welcome.

Ari
 
Sounds like you can accept and share your wife's love without jealousy. I agree with you: when that is possible, open relationships can be very natural, ethical, and beautiful. It works that way for me too, though in my case I'm the secondary who adores a woman in a poly marriage.

You know the term "compersion" perhaps? It's a good sign if you are pleased when you know your wife is being happy with her new GF. I get a warm chuckle when I'm on the phone with my GF and she says her husband is running a scented bath for the two of them. It gives me pleasure to know she's so well loved. I hope you feel something like that sometimes?

You might expect some emotional turbulence, but it sounds like you and your wife -- and probably her secondary -- are stable enough to ride right through it.

---------

addendum: Oh, on the compersion thing: I think it really helps your partner if you tell her that her happiness pleases you. It's important because if she feels guilt about what she's doing or has unspoken anxiety about how you feel then your sharing of your compersion will help her negative feelings evaporate. A very good thing to share.
 
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thankyou everyone for the support. I feel lucky that I can go on this journey.. it defies traditional way's of thinking but who ever said that the traditional way is the only way?... well, without tapping into religion & politics lol... which ain't gonna happen!

'think I'll stick around here for a while...;)
 
Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself. :)

Welcome.

Ari

That's an EXCELLENT quote!
Can I quote you on my blog?
I REALLY like that quote!!
 
Sure you can quote me. It came from my experience and how I think. I didn't quote it from anyone that I know of. If I did of anyone here I am sorry. Like minds then as they say.

I would be honored to have it in your blog. :)

Arianna
 
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THANKYOU!

I have been running this whole trip (well except for 1 hour that I got to meet some friends yesterday!) but when I get home I'll be getting caught up on my blog!!
;)
 
Update..

UPDATE: Well it has been a few weeks now & it is going well. I should mention that this is not an open poly relationship. Other than a few close friends it has been kept private.

I am writting tonight because I have an issue... there are two relationships here... my wife & myself.. & My wife & our friend. We are not a triad ( I think it is called) but I would like it to be. I know the poly thing is openness, honesty etc... so I did talk to my wife about it a few times now. At first I would become quite frustrated because I had a difficult time expressing exactly what I wanted to say, mostly because it is my wife & I don't want to hurt her feelings. When I finally got the truth out she was quite understanding. However, she said that she wasn't sure if she was ready to see me be more intimate with out friend. I, of course understood her position too. You know, it's not even sex that I am after but the closeness & a more intimate experience with the three of us. I think about it allot. Our friend & I text now & again & there is a flirty element to it from time to time... my wife know's... as I said it is open. BUT, I, nor my wife or I have made my thoughts known to our friend...yet.

After our last conversation, my wife & I agreed that we'd let things roll along naturally & go where they may as long as everyone was fine with it. That works for me.... I really do hope that it grows in the direction that I want it to. I just can't decide if I should let it roll, or do I have that conversation with the friend when I feel the time is right??? hmmmm...

hb
 
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Just one man's opinion.

This is a subject where I'm not sure I could handle the situation you're in. My wife and I are in the triad type situation and I am comfortable with that but if it were my wife and another partner that I was not really allowed that intimate relationship then we would have problems. I can be a jealous man, I think most men are at their core jealous creatures and only those of us strong enough to supress it can hold our own in these types of relationships. I don't know our girlfriend nearly as much as my wife does but here at the beginning when she and I are getting to know each other we are all three still sharing the sexual element of the relationship which has taken a bit of sacrifice from both me and the girlfriend as she doesn't know me that well and it's not easy for me to see my wife with someone else. The jealousy is easier for me that way. I can deal with it. I'm a bit younger and I'm sure not as experienced in life in general as you are as I'm 29 and have only been married 6 years but this is the way that it's worked for us and I think it's probably the only way it could have worked and if you haven't read my other threads our gf is moving in tomorrow which will be bringing her more fully into our life but I don't foresee any problems I haven't mentioned in my previous threads.

I think it would be unfair for your wife not to accept that you want to be involved in her other relationship. Sure, she has a right to be jealous of your affections for the other woman but you have a right to be jealous of your wife's relationship as well. With my wife we explained to our gf that we were a package deal. You couldn't have one without the other and we've been very adamant about that as we feel like since we've been married we are one person, a team, not two seperate people. Our lives are connected and since we share everything we will not take partners that we will not share (though admittedly the gf is our first partner). It comes down to respect I think. Your wife should respect your feelings as you have obviously respected her's. I'm not sure if this helps but I hope so.
 
It seems like you've done a great job of letting things just kinda happen. A lot of times we humans think too much about what's right, wrong, or indifferent. Why is she uncomfortable with you being intimate with her gf? Especially if there isn't necessarily a sexual element. I know it may seem a bit harsh, but what's good for the goose should be good for the gander.

With that said, again, let me reiterate, you've done a good job of letting things happen as they may. That may be the best course of action for you and as always, keep VERY open lines of communication with your wife.

Good luck.
 
thanks danny, I think things will evolve over time. I have to say that initially, my more intimate involvement was not part of the deal & I did give my blessing for the two of them to embark on a relationship. That said, I gave my blessing based on who our friend is to us, & my fondness for her. My attraction to her has grown based on my wife's & her invovement... didn't really see it coming but here I am... I don't think that my wife is neccessarily oposed to it but rather is willing to let it evolve... we'll see...
 
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I think you are wise to take it as it comes and allow for the natural progression of it all.

While I agree that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, this is different. Its not about your wife dating someone and you not being *allowed* to date someone. Its about her uncomfortablness in your interest in who she is dating. Very different. I think the *going at the pace of the one who is struggling most* theory applies to this one. Which sounds like what you are doing.

In time the boundaries that are needed for your possible triad to succeed will be revealed. She knows now, so letting her sit with it right now is probably the best bet in my opinion.
 
thanks redpepper... again, it's nice to hear another's perspective. I hope that you are right about my wife sorting it out in her mind etc... She's a great gal & the trust runs deep between us. It is taking a good amount of self control from my end as I am trying to be patient & allow things to evolve naturally. ... hb
 
thanks redpepper... again, it's nice to hear another's perspective. I hope that you are right about my wife sorting it out in her mind etc... She's a great gal & the trust runs deep between us. It is taking a good amount of self control from my end as I am trying to be patient & allow things to evolve naturally. ... hb

Kudos again!! Such a major component to ANY relationship and SOOOO important in this lifestyle. I wanna say I see good things in your future, but I'm not a psychic friend. :p
 
... counting the days, hous, minutes... but I'm not sure it'll end up going in my favour here... I just really don't know.

Side note, the three of us went to see Eddie Izzard the other night... great show!
 
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Love Eddie Izzard!! What are your concerns?
 
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