kinkyshoes
New member
Hi all!
I've been reading the forums for a while, lurking and learning.
My partner Ann and I are both 34. We are lesbians and have been together for 7 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. We've been pretty fluid around the openness of our relationship at various times, and have had the usual associated problems with it being fluid, and therefore non-negotiated much of the time, which of course leads to heartache. But generally we've had a very strong relationship and have weathered the ups and downs really well.
We recently moved from a large city to a small town where we know very few people. It's been a difficult time and we've had some r/ship problems around Ann drinking/drugging/staying out all night and not sticking to any boundaries, which is totally new to me. These problems have been witnessed by our friends. Recently, Ann said to me that she was feeling suffocated in our r/ship, wanted to open things up, and I agreed. That has led to much more negotiation and her starting to adhere to boundaries, instead of acting rebelliously and stupidly. So even though it breaks the "rules" of having a really good, strong thing going and then opening up, it has instead taken our r/ship problems and fixed quite a few of them.
Ann has a special friend she has been seeing, whom I really like and am close to.
Now, I've started becoming very close to a woman, Trish, who is partnered with Karen, in a relationship that has very strict boundaries about her playing outside of it. One of the rules of their r/ship is no playing with anyone from the town we live in. I was equal friends with Trish and Karen at first. But in recent times, Karen has been extremely busy with work/study things.
Trish and I have became very very close and have been flirting heavily. We've had a bit of a kiss and cuddle, but we both agreed that we would back off so she could negotiate permission to sleep with me, once Karen's study thing ended. Trish has cheated on Karen in the past, and we agreed that the cheating thing was not on, so we would only move ahead if Karen agreed.
Trish went to Karen to renegotiate their boundaries. Karen absolutely flipped out and sent me abusive text messages, accusing me of seducing Trish, and being a liar and a bad friend. She also wrote terrible things about my primary relationship and accused me of only being interested in Trish to "sop up my misery" in my primary r/ship. She said that I knew their "no locals" rule and that I've shown her dreadful disrespect. I have since spoken to her and said I don't disrespect her, that I did not have sex with Trish, and that I had discussed with Trish that if she wanted to renegotiate their boundaries, then that was their business, and I would not be involved sexually with her until they did. But basically, Karen still hates me.
I guess I'm asking where to go from here. I have very strong feelings for Trish. We have an amazing friendship, with much of our time together based on family events with her kids and my family and friends (including Ann's lover). I would hate to lose her friendship and will be devastated if we can't spend time together. I have strong romantic feelings towards her, but mainly we are just very close friends who support and care for each other. Karen is furious and apparently the fighting at their place is dreadful over this.
Karen is leaving for a month overseas in three-days' time, which will mean I can spend as much time with Trish as I like until Karen's return. Should I be avoiding spending time with Trish while Karen is overseas? I'm concerned our strong feelings will spill over into sex, which goes against our original intention of openness and honesty. And I'm also worried that our relationship will become even stronger, and then Trish may be forced to choose between leaving their pretty much mono relationship to pursue poly (her preference), or to have no relationship with me at all and stay in her mono relationship.
Trish has already told me that she's always been able to compartmentalise sexual relationships separate to her primary r/ship, but that she has really intense feelings for me that make her want more of me all the time. We spark on such a deep and intense level. I haven't felt something like this since I met Ann. I'm currently staying away from Trish and Karen while they sort things out in the time leading up to Karen going overseas.
I'm feeling very confused. I thought we had done the right thing by sticking to flirting with each other until things could be negotiated, but now I've been painted as a "scarlet woman." I'm feeling very guilty for all the trouble this has caused them, but also I'm dreadfully missing Trish, and longing to be in contact with her.
I'd be grateful for any advice! Should I run away from this whole thing until they sort it out? Or should I stay close to the woman I have such a close connection with and ride out the storm?
ETA: Before Trish asked to renegotiate rules to be able to sleep with me, Karen had already asked for a "free pass" to fuck whomever she pleased during her overseas travels and was given it.
I've been reading the forums for a while, lurking and learning.
My partner Ann and I are both 34. We are lesbians and have been together for 7 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. We've been pretty fluid around the openness of our relationship at various times, and have had the usual associated problems with it being fluid, and therefore non-negotiated much of the time, which of course leads to heartache. But generally we've had a very strong relationship and have weathered the ups and downs really well.
We recently moved from a large city to a small town where we know very few people. It's been a difficult time and we've had some r/ship problems around Ann drinking/drugging/staying out all night and not sticking to any boundaries, which is totally new to me. These problems have been witnessed by our friends. Recently, Ann said to me that she was feeling suffocated in our r/ship, wanted to open things up, and I agreed. That has led to much more negotiation and her starting to adhere to boundaries, instead of acting rebelliously and stupidly. So even though it breaks the "rules" of having a really good, strong thing going and then opening up, it has instead taken our r/ship problems and fixed quite a few of them.
Ann has a special friend she has been seeing, whom I really like and am close to.
Now, I've started becoming very close to a woman, Trish, who is partnered with Karen, in a relationship that has very strict boundaries about her playing outside of it. One of the rules of their r/ship is no playing with anyone from the town we live in. I was equal friends with Trish and Karen at first. But in recent times, Karen has been extremely busy with work/study things.
Trish and I have became very very close and have been flirting heavily. We've had a bit of a kiss and cuddle, but we both agreed that we would back off so she could negotiate permission to sleep with me, once Karen's study thing ended. Trish has cheated on Karen in the past, and we agreed that the cheating thing was not on, so we would only move ahead if Karen agreed.
Trish went to Karen to renegotiate their boundaries. Karen absolutely flipped out and sent me abusive text messages, accusing me of seducing Trish, and being a liar and a bad friend. She also wrote terrible things about my primary relationship and accused me of only being interested in Trish to "sop up my misery" in my primary r/ship. She said that I knew their "no locals" rule and that I've shown her dreadful disrespect. I have since spoken to her and said I don't disrespect her, that I did not have sex with Trish, and that I had discussed with Trish that if she wanted to renegotiate their boundaries, then that was their business, and I would not be involved sexually with her until they did. But basically, Karen still hates me.
I guess I'm asking where to go from here. I have very strong feelings for Trish. We have an amazing friendship, with much of our time together based on family events with her kids and my family and friends (including Ann's lover). I would hate to lose her friendship and will be devastated if we can't spend time together. I have strong romantic feelings towards her, but mainly we are just very close friends who support and care for each other. Karen is furious and apparently the fighting at their place is dreadful over this.
Karen is leaving for a month overseas in three-days' time, which will mean I can spend as much time with Trish as I like until Karen's return. Should I be avoiding spending time with Trish while Karen is overseas? I'm concerned our strong feelings will spill over into sex, which goes against our original intention of openness and honesty. And I'm also worried that our relationship will become even stronger, and then Trish may be forced to choose between leaving their pretty much mono relationship to pursue poly (her preference), or to have no relationship with me at all and stay in her mono relationship.
Trish has already told me that she's always been able to compartmentalise sexual relationships separate to her primary r/ship, but that she has really intense feelings for me that make her want more of me all the time. We spark on such a deep and intense level. I haven't felt something like this since I met Ann. I'm currently staying away from Trish and Karen while they sort things out in the time leading up to Karen going overseas.
I'm feeling very confused. I thought we had done the right thing by sticking to flirting with each other until things could be negotiated, but now I've been painted as a "scarlet woman." I'm feeling very guilty for all the trouble this has caused them, but also I'm dreadfully missing Trish, and longing to be in contact with her.
I'd be grateful for any advice! Should I run away from this whole thing until they sort it out? Or should I stay close to the woman I have such a close connection with and ride out the storm?
ETA: Before Trish asked to renegotiate rules to be able to sleep with me, Karen had already asked for a "free pass" to fuck whomever she pleased during her overseas travels and was given it.
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