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Old 07-24-2011, 02:00 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 70

Interesting discussion...

I think it is true that different people are at different places and like to discuss things to different depths.

For me, I am just like you Vexxed. I am a very inquisitive person naturally, and always asking deeper questions to everyone I meet. I want to know as much as I can. I feel more connected when I do. It helps me work through my various emotional responses too.

My wife on the other hand does not want to know all that much and prefers not to divulge too much. When she had her first experiences with another man I wanted to know alot more than she was wanting to tell. I found this difficult...

As I reflected on it, I feel like some of my motive for asking and wanting more information is legitimate. That is the kind of person I am and it does help me to process my own emotions about it all. I prefer the devil I know than the one I don't so to speak...

But I also realised that some of my motives are unhealthy. I like what GS said about respecting your partner when you they don't want to divulge as much information as you would like. For my wife I think it does cheapen things a little and she is the sort of person that wants some things to be unique and private. If I can't respect this and allow some things not to be shared, then I am not respecting what is important to her. I need to be able to let this go as hard as it is for me. Not being able to let it go is means I have an unhealthy attachment to needing to know the details...

So it does seem to be give and take. To my wife's credit, she did share alot of details which I really appreciated and felt more connected to her as a result. She shared some things that she thought I would really struggle with and was also trying to protect me, but when I was genuinely excited for her, I think it helped her open up more too. But I also realised I needed to let things go more for her sake and her need for privacy.

Isn't that just the way with relationships - a balance between the things you want and those your SO's want and helping to ensure that everyone has a voice and is respected along the way... This discussion is another example of that...
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