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Old 04-18-2014, 12:01 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,361

I do struggle with time in my relationship (if you're interested in reading, the rambling blog link is below in my .sig). However, my circumstances are a bit different: co-primaries (for lack of a better term), where Chops (our hinge) splits his time between two homes. I find that a half-time schedule is difficult for me to feel a "life partner" type of relationship at times (how to share your life with someone when they're not there for a lot of it?). If we were still in NRE, it'd be unbearable.

What I needed in order to feel some level of stability in our relationship was a schedule - I needed to know that we had a plan to see each other, even if things have to get rescheduled. That helped immensely. Your mileage may vary, but it's worth a talk with your partner to get the both of you on the same page regarding what he is able to offer, and what you need (which is not always what you want).

And you may need to keep talking about it if it doesn't work out perfectly the first time. That's okay - rough drafts are progress, not failures.

Good luck.

(Also edited to add that I never liked the "get a hobby" types of responses - they always seemed very "here's a dollar, kid - go find something to do" to me. However, learning how to be alone, and learning to do the things YOU like is a valuable skill - you do need to be comfortable in your own skin to be comfortable being alone. Distractions only help while you have them.)
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter

Last edited by YouAreHere; 04-18-2014 at 12:05 AM. Reason: Splellnig!
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