Recently, I found out that my metamour had admitted to our shared partner that she is resentful of my relationship with him because I'm not interested in having sex with her and that it makes her "unenthusiastic" for us to spend time together. Funny thing is, I'd been feeling that this was an issue for her for quite awhile, but our shared partner had always shrugged it off. However, in the months since she admitted this to him (in July) she has become increasingly negative, territorial, and aggressive both with me and with him, causing stress for everyone.
I can definitely understand how much rejection hurts, so I've been trying to be sympathetic about it long before she admitted her resentment. She had only been with our shared partner 6 months before him and I started dating (and him and I had been platonic friends who talked everyday for several months before that). While they have now been together two years (and my relationship has been a year and a half), at 32 years old she had never been in a relationship before and had never explored her curiosity about being with a woman. I had always thought she agreed to poly thinking she could finally gave those girl-girl sexy times and threesomes that she had dreamed of, and she always made it very clear that she was sexually attracted to me. On the other hand, I've had my share of relationships and sexual experiences, including relationships with women and exploring different combinations of people having sex together. I'm past my curiosity stage! I'm definitely not physically attracted to her at all, although initially I was willing to keep the idea open depending on how our rapport grew- but as I got to know her personality, she turned me off more and more. There's just nothing I really like about her, no matter how much I try- although I do remain kind and respectful to her, because that's just what you do. Our shared partner naturally would be thrilled with threesomes galore, but he has never once pushed the issue and is totally fine with my stance regarding being involved with her. He is happy having two completely separate relationships and doesn't want to force anything unnaturally, even though he actually could as this is a D/s situation where he is Owner to us both- but since he's not a jerk, he wouldn't do that.
So, now I'm left with this increasingly hostile situation on her end and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I've had people be disappointed to not get to gave sex, and have even had people be resentful and angry- but for this long?? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her, waiting for her to lash out. I've been trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm getting understandably a bit tired of being treated shitty because I'm maintaining my boundaries. Anybody have any advice or at least some motivation towards continuing to be patient with her?
I can definitely understand how much rejection hurts, so I've been trying to be sympathetic about it long before she admitted her resentment. She had only been with our shared partner 6 months before him and I started dating (and him and I had been platonic friends who talked everyday for several months before that). While they have now been together two years (and my relationship has been a year and a half), at 32 years old she had never been in a relationship before and had never explored her curiosity about being with a woman. I had always thought she agreed to poly thinking she could finally gave those girl-girl sexy times and threesomes that she had dreamed of, and she always made it very clear that she was sexually attracted to me. On the other hand, I've had my share of relationships and sexual experiences, including relationships with women and exploring different combinations of people having sex together. I'm past my curiosity stage! I'm definitely not physically attracted to her at all, although initially I was willing to keep the idea open depending on how our rapport grew- but as I got to know her personality, she turned me off more and more. There's just nothing I really like about her, no matter how much I try- although I do remain kind and respectful to her, because that's just what you do. Our shared partner naturally would be thrilled with threesomes galore, but he has never once pushed the issue and is totally fine with my stance regarding being involved with her. He is happy having two completely separate relationships and doesn't want to force anything unnaturally, even though he actually could as this is a D/s situation where he is Owner to us both- but since he's not a jerk, he wouldn't do that.
So, now I'm left with this increasingly hostile situation on her end and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I've had people be disappointed to not get to gave sex, and have even had people be resentful and angry- but for this long?? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her, waiting for her to lash out. I've been trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm getting understandably a bit tired of being treated shitty because I'm maintaining my boundaries. Anybody have any advice or at least some motivation towards continuing to be patient with her?