Redpepper's journey

This posting about Leo and his wife sounds just like my male partner (now inactive) and his wife. This is the exact issue or set of issues that led to where we are now, which is not together, as of this week.

Everything you mentioned above is the same. They've been together for a long time (10 yrs), have been swinging the entire time (hence the mindset), he confides everything in her (dual mindset), but tends to not do the same with me. He also has never inquired about whether or not I appreciate that.

They have their own way of communicating, which isn't the way I communicate. The wife doesn't really have an interest in having any real conversations with me. I am not of the belief that it is absolutely necessary (if the communication between the sets of partners was up to par) but I do agree with you that it does seem to work more smoothly when everyone has been given the platform to share and feel involved on some level.

This is also a new experience for him and them both, which is also very frustrating to me, because now I feel like it has been more of a game to them: testing the water, asking people to open their lives to them and allow themselves to be vulnerable, just to receive mixed signals and ultimately be cast aside.

Sorry. I didn't mean to air my issues as a response to your posting, but it just resonated with everything that has been transpiring in my relationship.

Fortunately, our hearts and spirits can withstand more than we think, though we would rather not test the limits. I thought I would be totally wrecked after I knew the possibilities of the end of the relationship on Monday. Wednesday, when he voiced it, it did hurt... a LOT. But after a very rough Wednesday night and a moderately emotional Thursday morning, I started to regain my composure. It's still on my mind, but the pain isn't as severe or constant as I thought it would be.

With that said, I hope you do not have to endure any heartache. But if you do, acknowledging that it wasn't something you hadn't considered happening might help you recover quicker, since you do have realistic view of the circumstances as they currently stand. *hugs*
 
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I'm so sorry to hear that things have changed for you eklctc. :( That sucks. May your heart heal well and soon.

I had a wonderful evening with Mono this week. We went to a popular local restaurant where I gave him a card that I had written in. He read it as we drank wine and ate Italian food. I was (and am) so in love with him. I love to gaze at him and marvel at his playful nature and good humour. He isn't quick to anger or become defensive and confused these days, and I am enjoying that calm content feeling we have together.

We are a couple that has been through some stuff and have come out of it shining and immersed, blended together somehow. I doubt anyone who knows us could imagine us without each other now. That time of newness and adjustment has passed on to something rich, full-bodied and whole. I am grateful and complete. Thank you, Mono, for blessing me with your presence in my life. I am honoured and my heart is forever yours (and other's, too).

PN and I are having a wonderful weekend away at the wedding of a high school friend. It's on a neighbouring island, where her husband-to-be grew up.

It's rather strange to be here actually, as I saw her last (besides a quick visit a few months ago) when we were about 17. She had been abandoned by her mother. She didn't know her dad. She got sent to be with an aunt who raised her, but didn't mother her. She abused her. When my mum found out about it, we took her in until she left town to go and live with her mother again. It all happened so fast. I was young and naive. I really didn't know what happened.

I have no idea how she came to be in the place she is in today, with a baby of 14 months and another on the way. All her family are around her. Her dad, the abusive aunt, several other family members who are a surprise to me. There are only 14 of us staying in a couple of houses and ready to celebrate tomorrow. I am the only friend. I am surprised, a bit confused and honoured that she would invite us!

She has no idea about me either, except what is evident on FB. (Which I suppose is a lot, in pictures anyway.)

Hm, should be an interesting day tomorrow!

Leo's wife finally wrote and confirmed that she is good. She said her issues were between her and Leo. She had no problem with me in Leo's life. She wants to get back to being friends and our kids hanging out and families having fun together. I agreed and told her it was odd for me to not be communicating with everyone. So I will do my best to trust and will keep quiet for now.

I wrote Leo and said I felt much better. I asked about watching movies again in my room some time, with a promise that I would stay on my side of the bed. I seriously do want to watch old movies with him, as that and old cars are interests of mine and his. We shall see. :rolleyes:

I have a date with Derby coming up. :D I can't wait! We haven't had a date for awhile, not a proper one anyway. I asked her what she wants to do and she said "Make out?" I'm in! :eek: Although an "absinthe sparkle" at one of our favorite date places for dinner would go down nicely, along with that. :)
 
Sounds like an interesting weekend. I hope you have a great time and look forward to reading about it and your date with Derby.

Love & Hugs to Mono and his grandeur. :)

The best for you and PN on your short getaway.
 
I asked about watching movies again in my room, some time, with a promise that I would stay on my side of the bed. I seriously do want to watch old movies with him as that, and old cars, are interests of mine and his. We shall see.

Umm, how about upstairs? :eek: We tried that already. I'm a freak, I know. But thanks for the lovely words, Lilo. You're way too kind, you know.
 
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Totally in love with Mono today. He missed me this weekend and cuddled me like a fiend last night, all snuggy and warm. It has made my NRE spring up.

PN and I should go away more often. Not only did we have a great time, but I came home to a lovey man. :)
 
I was a bit cuddly wasn't I? ;)

I'm looking forward to the next time and the next time and the next. :)

I love you :)....and now your home! Upstairs I go. ;)
 
LB is doing a school project this week as "star of the week." He has lots of pictures he wants to put on the bristol board I got. He showed them to his grandparents tonight. There are lots of Mono in there and he is obviously very proud.

I just posted pictures to FB of our family at Christmas and other events. We all look content and happy, especially LB. :)

He talked about his pictures and I asked him what he will say about the ones where we are all standing together as a family. He said, "That is Mumma, Daddy, me and Mono. He is my best buddy." I just smiled and thought, "Well, here we go. One more step towards completely being out."

His principal has already asked who Mono is. I think we will go with LB's version. He is his best buddy.
 
When I was growing up, I was told that the gentleman living with my great-grandparents was a "family friend," or a "boarder." Years later, after they were long gone and I was researching my family tree, a relative told me he was Nanny's boyfriend.
Very cool. No community, no forum, no word for polyamory, just living it. That's awesome. The longer I'm in this, the more it's becoming that. We are just living our lives like any other family.
 
LB is doing a school project this week as "star of the week." He has lots of pictures he wants to put on the bristol board... "That is Mumma, Daddy, me and Mono. He is my best buddy." I just smiled. "Well, here we go, one more step towards completely being out." His principal has already asked who Mono is. I think we will go with LB's version. He is his best buddy.

That's awesome! :) Sweet Pea has always been that way with GG. GG calls Sweet Pea his little buddy too. I think it's great that your son has another wonderful loving relationship and isn't afraid to say so. :)
 
It's very rare that we get asked who Mimi or GG are in reference to them living with us.
GG has lived here for 8 years next month.
Mimi has lived with us on and off since she turned 18 *she's 35*.

So most people just consider it "the way it is".
 
I had a lovely date with Derby last night. Lots of talks and smooches and lovin.' Mmm... nice. So great to reconnect and have some quality time. It's been a while. We dressed up and went pit for dinner and then came home and watched a move and cuddled in my room.

Did I mention I love my room?

I love my room! :D Very very much. I think I have NRE for my room. Yup, I do. :cool:

We are beginning a fun weekend of play, eating, and relaxing.

Next week, a date with Leo, and two coffee dates with poly peeps. I had one tonight too. I love poly talk and love to be supportive and help others figure out their shit.

It's a good life right now. :)
 
That is wonderful, RP. I'm feverishly seeking a local network of active poly folk myself. I just rejoined a local meetup group that I unjoined last year due to a lack of activity. Looks like the activity has picked up though in the new year, so we shall see.

I'm not far from the Loving More headquarters, but they have a discussion group during the week next week and it is too long of a drive for me to try to make back that night, being that it would be my first time driving outside of Denver. And I'll be alone, so I'll have to miss out on that.

But I am working on becoming a moderator for one of the local groups, so that I can not only build the activity and engaging conversation but also meet more like-minded people and keep up with regularly scheduled face-to-face events.
 
So, this was another full weekend. I realized last night, at a BDSM event, that I do much better in a smaller group. The crowd wasn't as big and I felt much more like I could listen and talk because of it. For some reason, at these events especially, I get more overwhelmed than usual. I think that most people think I am just arrogant, snobby, judgmental, or I don't know what. When really I just need to transition and adjust to the environment, or I am just doing all my tricks to be okay under the circumstances.

Last night I took a long while to get into the scene of just being there. I ended up blindfolding Mono so that he would just stand there and no one would come and talk to us. He stood beside me, collared and on his leash and patiently waited until I directed him.

I have been feeling owned by him lately and that he is the dominant one. I have felt, because of the issues that arose with Leo, that I don't have a say in how my heart may wander. It's hard to domme someone when I feel that way.

I decided to turn that feeling around to reflect my frustration in this and to take some control back and punish him for this feeling I have. I gave him a good flogging on the scaffolding and left him hanging off of it. His ass was raw. I don't usually flog his ass, as he hasn't been able to take too much of that. But last night I went to town. Bruises arose this morning.

When I was finished, I felt better. I felt empowered again and in control of what I do with my heart. He enjoyed it too, although we didn't really have a good enough check-in, I am now realizing.

This will always be a constant struggle with Mono, I think. There is no way around it. I can't ask him to push himself and don't feel that it should be necessary. I just have to trust.

We are all in a really good place right now, after a long battle to establish ourselves. I really don't want to do anything but enjoy what we have. What happens tomorrow will be revealed when it needs to be. I am not crying out for my needs to be met. I just want to have a free heart. I have that as much as I can.

Another topics: my sex life with PN is all wonky. I am trying to think of ways to balance it better. I can't seem to grasp how, or that I even want to. I would be doing this for PN. We don't have sex often, although he has been asking lately. He has an expectation that I go to bed at 10 and that we have sex and that I stay there. I don't want to. I don't mind having the sex. I just don't want to go to sleep then.

Most times I don't feel like it with him. I love him and am attracted to him, but sex is not my priority most of the time. With Mono, it is. I don't know if PN knows that, as it's not something that is up for discussion or up until now is something I thought should be. But maybe I should talk to him about it.

I don't know what the point would be. I don't want to hurt him by talking. But after carefully considering it for some time, I wonder. I suspect it will do more damage than good, as he is not the same as Mono in a sexual way. He is who he is. His desire to have sex, and my sex with him, are totally different. Should I try and change that? Do I want to change that? What do I hope to achieve by saying anything on this topic? I'm good with how it all is, I just don't know if he is. I guess I could ask him some questions and see how he is doing. I dunno. I am kind of lost on this one. Some input would be awesome.
 
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